Feb 7, 2020
DYK: Brigham Young came to Mitt in a Vision… and
QUESTION: Was this not the Craziest Week in History since Moshe “Eyepatch” Dayan’s Seven Day War? I mean REALLY ! …
It has been revealed that Brigham Young – Yes, that one. How many Brigham Youngs are there? – came to Mitt -Yes, that one. How many freakin’ Mitts are there? – on Tuesday night telling him To Vote No… or was it To Vote Yes ? That’s where it all gets REALLY WACKY.
How Wacky? Wackier than Sheila Jackson Lee reading Canterbury Tales during Drag Queen Hour at the Houston Public Library… while beating on a trash can. That Wacky. YOWSA!
A scene reminiscent of Chas Dicken’s A Christmas Carol… when Jacob Marley dropped in on Ebenezer – Yes, that one. How many Ebenezers are there?
Famous Mormon Elder Brigham Young appeared before Mitt Romney late Tuesday night as the Junior Utah Senator was performing his nightly ritual – reciting “all the things I shoulda said in those debates back in 2012”.
With due respect to Bob Newhart’s classic telephone routines… it went “something like this…”
Mitt: Yes, who is it?
BY: “It’s Brigham..”
Mitt: “Brigham Who?”
BY: “GREAT Salt Lake! You ARE a dim bulb… how many Brighams do you know, Mitten?”
Mitt: “Oh, yeah, sure… yes sir, whazzup?”
BY: “Tomorrow I want you to Vote No. Got that – Vote No!”
Mitt: You mean – NO to acquit… or NO to impeach… or NO to Not Acquit… or NO the RedSox shouldn’t trade Mookie… or NO to declaring Trump EMPEROR FOR LIFE… or NO to burning Pelosi at the stake as a witch… or…
BY: “STOP … what in the Name of Hades are you babbling about? I mean Vote NO to -…. Should BYU students be allowed to watch next year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show? -…. Isn’t THAT what All of America is fixated on this week? … Whats all this Acquit / Impeach Nonsense … Balderdash and Harrumph!”
Mitt: “My bad, Elder Young. You’re right. Satan’s Handmaidens doing that Hootchie Cootchie dancing on prime time TV is Issue #1. If that comes to a vote about BYU students, I WILL VOTE NO!
BY: See that you do Mitten… see that you do. Just keep sayin I VOTE NO … I VOTE NO … I VOTE NO! so you don’t screw it up. … jeeez.
.Soooo, later that next day when called upon … Mitt jumped up and declared … “YES, I VOTE NO … or NO, I VOTE YES … or oh my goodness … I DON’T KNOW … I JUST WANT THE MEDIA TO LIKE ME…. Aaaiiieeeee.” … as he was frog-marched out of the room by two Lesbian Atheists named Bambi and Thumper. Huh??
And so it went during The Wacky Week That Was …
A rumor circulated later that day following Mitt’s Meltdown that …. America’s Most Famous Mormons – Donnie & Marie had “voted” to Excommunicate Mitt from The Mormon Church just because… .Resulting in confiscation of his bicycle, his underwear and his VIP Box at the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert.
That proved to be erroneous. What the famous Duo HAD announced was that after all these years … It was Donnie who was “a little bit Country” … and Marie who was “a little bit Rock & Roll.” Nooooo…
Meanwhile #1 … as The Week moved inexorably to a close … at 12:00 Noon on Friday… THE Most Famous BumperMusic In Radio History heralded the Return of America’s Anchorman – El Rushbo to The Golden Microphone at The EIB Southern Command Center.
RL began the show recounting the quite amazing recent series of events … for his many millions of loyal fans… and for those wretched souls whose colons turn to concrete at the mere mention of his name. Yeeeee Ha!
Meanwhile #2… Former member of The Democrats’ Insane Clown Candidate Posse – Cory Booker – has filed a class action suit against Variety – the official news paper of the Entertainment industry – claiming, of course, RACISM.
Earlier this week Variety ran an Above-The-Fold headline story – Spartacus Is Dead – and used a picture of “some old white guy named Kirk Douglas” instead of Cory. Booker is, of course, OUTRAGED.
Meanwhile #3… concurrent with Booker’s claim, yet another suit was filed in Atlanta by Stacey Abrams… “The most famous black woman in Atlanta since “Mammy” in GWTW. … OUCH!
Ms Abrams, no surprise here, claims SHE is Spartacus… as well as The Imaginary Governor of Georgia… a Future POTUS… and Queen of NeverNeverLand.
Meanwhile #4… in a cornfield outside Polk City, Iowa a Washington Post intern named Omar approached a farmer driving his John Deere… “Excuse Mr Iowa Farmer … if I give you $10 will you read this?” … “Sure. Why not.” –
Hi, I’m an Iowa farmer and I think Donald Trump is a space alien from Neptune and he eats caged children for breakfast…
Where’s my $10?”
Omar handed over the $10, and, forwarded the recording to his boss – John Drescher – Head Honcho of WaPo’s Get Trump Dept. – with the text … “Mr Drescher, I’m pretty sure We’ve Got Trump THIS TIME!” … sigh… yawn.