Lot’s Wife Attends Super Bowl LIV… OMG!

Jlo Lots Wife
BobLee
February03/ 2020

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Jan 3, 2020

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Lot’s Wife Attends Super Bowl LIV… and

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The details are sketchy, apparently “Lot The Canaanite” was able to get Super Bowl tickets for his family for yesterday’s Big Game in Miami.

Just before the Half, Lot received a text from Jehovah…. Emphatic that The Lots should NOT Watch what was about to transpire down on the field. … A coupla skanky gals named J-Lo and Shakira were gonna perform some sort of Hootchie Cootchie show.

Jehovah’s text was in ALLCAPS with a long series of DO NOT emojies.  Jehovah was REALLY SERIOUS with his admonition.

Not wishing to alarm his wife Edith … really, that was her name – and daughters… Lot suggested they all leave their seats to stretch their legs and maybe get some over-priced nachos and  “Big Oranges” out at the concession stand on the stadium’s outer concourse.

Lot, Edith and daughters began climbing the steps to the concession concourse.  With just a few steps to go before entering the exit tunnel… Edith Lot, mesmerized by the pulsating Latin beat, allowed her curiosity to get the better of her.  Ignoring Jehovah’s stern admonition, Mrs Lot turned around to watch.  Alas… “to watch” is not all Edith Lot turned to… YIKES! Lots Wife statue

For further details of what happened … consult Genesis 19:26 in a RSV of a King James… or, in the Koran 26:170-171 … or in the opening chapter of Kurt Vonnegut’s novel SlaughterHouse Five.

 

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Hard Rock Stadium officials, after consulting with NFL Commish Roger Goodell, did not wish to traumatize the other 80,000 fans.  They quickly moved Edith Lot to the stadium’s Miami Hall of Heroes Pavilion where she now stands for perpetuity… along with statues of Dan Marino, Mercury Morris… Horatio Cain, Sonny Crockett and Tony Montana (no kin to Joe).

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Folks, I “get” why “many” are APPALLED… MORTIFIED… OFFENDED… et al by the Super Bowl LIV Halftime Show featuring Jennifer Lopez and “Shakira”.  About 20 seconds into “it” I predicted such reaction from “many”.  I am rarely, if ever, wrong in my predictions of general public and/or “The Media” reactions to anything.

In this case, “The Media” quickly responded in its Pavlovian fashion… ridiculing the “many” as ALL being bitter-clinging – deplorable – whatever else Don Lemon calls us – Trump-Supporters.  I have no doubt many are.

Somewhere Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein are laughing their butts off.

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If J-Lo and Shakira had performed “that show” at the Lenoir County Fair back in 1964… Sheriff Broadway woulda shutdown the Hoochie Cootchie tent… the whole midway… probably even the 4-H Club exhibit and the corn dog stand.

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In the Spring of 1964, a kid named Bernice was giving a campaign speech for “Sue” to be Chief Cheerleader for the Grainger High Red Devils.  Approximately 1,200 were in the GHS Auditorium that fateful day.   At least 82,000 would later claim to have been there.

At the 1:45 mark of his planned 4:00 speech, Bernice told a joke regarding why cheerleaders wear little red pants beneath their cheerleader skirts…KABOOM!  Bernice never finished that speech.

English teacher Ruby Crane – all 6’2, 220 lbs of controlled fury – stormed the stage and dragged Bernice off by his ear… his left one as I recall.  What was Acceptable was different back then.

60 years later, Bernice – now a successful financier – cannot attend a class reunion without re-enacting “the speech”.  … FWIW… Sue won the election in a landslide.

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The phrase wardrobe malfunction entered the American lexicon in February of 2004… at Super Bowl 30-Janet Jacksonsomething or other.  SIXTEEN YEARS AGO.  It involved Janet Jackson’s costume slipping to sort of reveal a naked breast during her SB Halftime Show.    96.5″ of Earth population eventually “saw the tape” and many were APPALLED… MORTIFIED… OFFENDED etc etc.

 

SB Halftimes over the past decade + have featured Britany Spears… Beyonce… Katy Perry… Lady Gaga and aothers of that genre of entertainment.   Their costumes and choreography were very similar to last night’s.  They all appeal to the same demographics.  Not mine.

“Risque” performers have been the Rule not the Exception for SB Halftimes for about the past 20 years or so… allowing for the occasional Very Loud Rock Band I’ve Never Heard Of.

I could not decipher ONE SINGLE SOLITARY WORD of the lyrics to whatever J-Lo and Shakira were singing.  NOT ONE!  Not because I was mesmerized by the frenetic flashing flesh… it was all in some Latin dialect … but not the six years of “Latin” I took in high school and college.  “Mecca mecca parva stella…” is the opening line to “Tinkle Twinkle Little Star” in Latin.  I’m pretty sure that was not what they were shouting.

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Wait a minute BobLee… doesn’t a “show” like last night’s run contrary to The NFL’s supposed concern for “objectifying women” and NOT treating them as “sex toys” for the carnal pleasure of testosterone-overloaded cretins?  … Yes, it does run contrary to that supposed concern.

What about the fact that… 24 out of 30 NFL teams have “cheerleader squads”… dressed in minimal tight-fitting “outfits” designed to accent their sexuality.  They perform “gyrations” on the sidelines that can be termed “sexually suggestive”.  … Yes, that runs contrary to The NFL’s supposed concern too.

Is The NFL hypocritical in that regard?  One could draw that conclusion… Yes.

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Several social media outrages note that THAT SHOW was Nor “appropriate family entertainment”.   That assumes THAT was ever the NFL’s objective.  Be assured it never was.

The Super Bowl Halftime Era of…

Up With People

 

  • Up With People singing “I’d like to teach the world to sing…” and
  • The New Christy Minstrels’ “This Land Is Your Land” … or
  • The Florida A&M Rattler Band performing a tribute to Satchmo Armstrong…

… ended long before there were AfAm QBs … before instant replay … and before J-Lo dated P-Diddy.

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Speaking of J-Lo…  Ya wanna guess How Old that gal is?  “Jenny” arrived on The Block FIFTY YEARS AGO! – 5 – 0 …  She is 6 years older than her current BoyToy – ARod.   Say what you will about the appropriateness of her on-stage skankiness … but NO ONE is saying “that old woman ain’t got no bizness struttin’ around like that…”. J Lo

If The NFL had to pick Someone to put on a skanky porny halftime show… 50-year old J-Lo was a solid choice.  You can agree without approving of the show itself.  J-Lo’s 10-year old daughter was on-stage with “Mamma”?

If you want to do more “research” on J-Lo… In her latest “award-winning” movie – Hustlers, she plays Guess What… A STRIPPER!  A stripper who organizes an escort/stripper service to fleece WallStreet guys. FWIW… she does her own pole-dancing in the movie…

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Comparing this latest OUTRAGE from “many” with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue… which has been published since 1964.  The same year that Bernice gave That Speech.   Coincidence?  It has subsided somewhat in recent decades, but it was a long-standing tradition that SI would be “flooded” with irate letters from “librarians in Iowa” canceling their subscription.  “Nudies magazines” had no place in school libraries.  I think SI made up many of those “irate letters” …

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In closing… I do appreciate the negative reaction from “many” to the X-rated /porny halftime show.  If I were Official Super Bowl Censor –  there are many reason I’m not – I would not have OKed it.

Want to bet Next Year’s SB show is similar if maybe toned-down just a tad.  If you choose to no longer follow The NFL for this or various other reasons… That is Your Decision.

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BobLee

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Doug
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Doug

All I can say is that all the grinding looked reproductive.

UNCBlue
Guest

I am offended they only show fit people. The NFL should have had Lizzo perform these dances.

Nah, forget that. That is a truly dumb idea.

Irate Pyrate
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Irate Pyrate

Ding! Ding! We have another winner here, folks. Nobody else bother sending in your ballots! (That is, unless you’re still caucusing in Iowa, bless their confused little liberal hearts!) . Another award-winning column, BLee. This is one of your pieces that simply can’t be read in one take and MUST be broken down paragraph by paragraph to get the full effect. If my wife had been sitting next to me when I read your column she thought I had gone into a catatonic fit, with me looking at my phone, busting out laughing with tears in my eyes. Then picking… Read more »

DM Carpenter
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DM Carpenter

It is unfortunate she was not named Ethel, as in “DON’T LOOK, ETHEL!” (but it was too late).
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I also remind you of Prince’s phallic shadow-throwing guitar. (I believe he was compensating for something, but that is a topic for another day.)
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I happened to be at the house of friends during the Halftime show, picking up my son. I was tickled to see good shots of the Battleship in CCBCC’s commercial. I presume that commercial was shown throughout the state, not just the Charlotte market.

Keith Spence
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Keith Spence

Love the “Big Orange” reference. God bless Sheriff Andy and his liberal soul.

MPHW
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MPHW

Well, what a great column today “Mr. BobLee” !!!
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I of course ,along with all Grainger High graduates know the answer to that infamous question!! You are soooo good!!!
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The half time show was just awful, porno at best, sleazy promo at worst . But above all , the little girls on stage!!!! What next, nekkid women emulating having sex, what else is left ??

Queen City
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Queen City

J LO and Shakira would have been the safe bet if several of the popular rappers were being considered for the halftime performance. I could take it or leave it and was not shocked or offended. However I was happy to see that the the two political adds were both ranked at the bottom of the USA Today survey on the S.B advertising.

Radio Smuggles
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Radio Smuggles

I’ve seen better hoochie coochie shows at the Lenoir County Fair and I think you’re giving the elected high sheriff of the county too much credit for putting a total stop to the shenanigans. That was the case in the 1966 Fair, after you matriculated to The Great University at any rate. . Rumors have swirled for years of a certain teenager from a very prominent Kinston family loaning a hoochie coochie girl his Coca-Cola bottle as a prop for her act and that the HC girl accepted the bottle and…and… well, you know, and right after the HC girl… Read more »

Robert Kennel
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Robert Kennel

Just for accuracy sake, I confused Shakira with Russell’s wife Ciera.
Just not up on all modern music and dance. Must have had salt in my eyes 🥺

Zoot
Guest
Zoot

OK, let’s unpack this. (I HATE THAT PHRASE) IF you in 2020 are letting your rugrats, crumb crunchers, curtain climbers watch the Halftime Show expecting Carol Channing, you are nutty. Prince Shadowcasted his guitar as a phallus, Beyonce didn’t have a costume change but had to shave twice around her S&M gear in 18 minutes. THE dead center demographic for the Super Bowl Ads are for 29 year old males. (Beer, Cars and Titties.) Remember the godaddy.com ads? Move the kickoff back to 3pm EST and have Pat Boone do it next year.

Jimmy
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Jimmy

OMG… my ….?…… most embarrassing moment of her life is now online…..can’t believe it…..lucky for you she doesn’t know!….just kidding. She would die laughing as she has many times telling that story…..

Porgie
Guest

Must admit that I did not view any of the haftime as I had turned to Spectrum news to catch up on local news and weather. Which made more headlines, this show or the SnoopDog Kansas MBB spectacular? At a Cousins Reunion many years ago, Sue retold that Bernice speech as some had not heard it. I guess she and I were the only ones from the family in the audience that day. She did get red-faced when telling. I believe at our 50th reunion, I had the chace to introduce Bernice to JW withh the introduction of ‘he’s the… Read more »

Robert Kennel
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Robert Kennel

Would love to see some responses to this particular blog. Good job as usual to get past your lack of interest in pro football, or college football, or —– or —-. . Actually very good game. . As for halftime show, I turned to salt in first several minutes before I realized they were serious. Too much pelvis grinding for me, but whole show with outstanding background dancing was really exciting. . Believe NFL bought it because of 2 Puerto Rican show stoppers, Spanish rather than Latin, 50 year old body, daughter in show, Puerto Rican flag and US flag,… Read more »

NCSU68GRAD
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NCSU68GRAD

Interesting observations, BL. Probably spot on. I watched then entire game, save snoozing thru most of Q3. Am fully medicated up with TamiFLu and other OTC drugs trying to shake the ghastly tentacles of an errant strain of “The Flu”, which was diagnosed by an uncomfortable violation of my nostrils later Saturday evening before the Rex Doc in a Box closed. . I was not incensed, nor aroused, by the show. I, too, didn’t understand any of the lyrics, but the Samba beat was prevalent and pulsating. Shame about Edith… hope they spray her with a clear protective coating to… Read more »

Ruth
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Ruth

This is far better than the latest version of “The Half-time.” I would like to hope that this type of “scenery” would not be shown again. However, after leaving a very quiet home town in the late 60’s my education in this area was provided by friends who did not want me shocked by anything that happened. I was just a little “backward” in the ways of the world. What a shame to take something that football fans around the world enjoy and trash it! . I recall my friend Bernice and his little speech. While that was really something… Read more »