Jan 3, 2020
Lot’s Wife Attends Super Bowl LIV… and
The details are sketchy, apparently “Lot The Canaanite” was able to get Super Bowl tickets for his family for yesterday’s Big Game in Miami.
Just before the Half, Lot received a text from Jehovah…. Emphatic that The Lots should NOT Watch what was about to transpire down on the field. … A coupla skanky gals named J-Lo and Shakira were gonna perform some sort of Hootchie Cootchie show.
Jehovah’s text was in ALLCAPS with a long series of DO NOT emojies. Jehovah was REALLY SERIOUS with his admonition.
Not wishing to alarm his wife Edith … really, that was her name – and daughters… Lot suggested they all leave their seats to stretch their legs and maybe get some over-priced nachos and “Big Oranges” out at the concession stand on the stadium’s outer concourse.
Lot, Edith and daughters began climbing the steps to the concession concourse. With just a few steps to go before entering the exit tunnel… Edith Lot, mesmerized by the pulsating Latin beat, allowed her curiosity to get the better of her. Ignoring Jehovah’s stern admonition, Mrs Lot turned around to watch. Alas… “to watch” is not all Edith Lot turned to… YIKES!
For further details of what happened … consult Genesis 19:26 in a RSV of a King James… or, in the Koran 26:170-171 … or in the opening chapter of Kurt Vonnegut’s novel SlaughterHouse Five.
Hard Rock Stadium officials, after consulting with NFL Commish Roger Goodell, did not wish to traumatize the other 80,000 fans. They quickly moved Edith Lot to the stadium’s Miami Hall of Heroes Pavilion where she now stands for perpetuity… along with statues of Dan Marino, Mercury Morris… Horatio Cain, Sonny Crockett and Tony Montana (no kin to Joe).
Folks, I “get” why “many” are APPALLED… MORTIFIED… OFFENDED… et al by the Super Bowl LIV Halftime Show featuring Jennifer Lopez and “Shakira”. About 20 seconds into “it” I predicted such reaction from “many”. I am rarely, if ever, wrong in my predictions of general public and/or “The Media” reactions to anything.
In this case, “The Media” quickly responded in its Pavlovian fashion… ridiculing the “many” as ALL being bitter-clinging – deplorable – whatever else Don Lemon calls us – Trump-Supporters. I have no doubt many are.
Somewhere Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein are laughing their butts off.
If J-Lo and Shakira had performed “that show” at the Lenoir County Fair back in 1964… Sheriff Broadway woulda shutdown the Hoochie Cootchie tent… the whole midway… probably even the 4-H Club exhibit and the corn dog stand.
In the Spring of 1964, a kid named Bernice was giving a campaign speech for “Sue” to be Chief Cheerleader for the Grainger High Red Devils. Approximately 1,200 were in the GHS Auditorium that fateful day. At least 82,000 would later claim to have been there.
At the 1:45 mark of his planned 4:00 speech, Bernice told a joke regarding why cheerleaders wear little red pants beneath their cheerleader skirts…. KABOOM! Bernice never finished that speech.
English teacher Ruby Crane – all 6’2, 220 lbs of controlled fury – stormed the stage and dragged Bernice off by his ear… his left one as I recall. What was Acceptable was different back then.
60 years later, Bernice – now a successful financier – cannot attend a class reunion without re-enacting “the speech”. … FWIW… Sue won the election in a landslide.
The phrase wardrobe malfunction entered the American lexicon in February of 2004… at Super Bowl 30-something or other. SIXTEEN YEARS AGO. It involved Janet Jackson’s costume slipping to sort of reveal a naked breast during her SB Halftime Show. 96.5″ of Earth population eventually “saw the tape” and many were APPALLED… MORTIFIED… OFFENDED etc etc.
SB Halftimes over the past decade + have featured Britany Spears… Beyonce… Katy Perry… Lady Gaga and aothers of that genre of entertainment. Their costumes and choreography were very similar to last night’s. They all appeal to the same demographics. Not mine.
“Risque” performers have been the Rule not the Exception for SB Halftimes for about the past 20 years or so… allowing for the occasional Very Loud Rock Band I’ve Never Heard Of.
I could not decipher ONE SINGLE SOLITARY WORD of the lyrics to whatever J-Lo and Shakira were singing. NOT ONE! Not because I was mesmerized by the frenetic flashing flesh… it was all in some Latin dialect … but not the six years of “Latin” I took in high school and college. “Mecca mecca parva stella…” is the opening line to “Tinkle Twinkle Little Star” in Latin. I’m pretty sure that was not what they were shouting.
Wait a minute BobLee… doesn’t a “show” like last night’s run contrary to The NFL’s supposed concern for “objectifying women” and NOT treating them as “sex toys” for the carnal pleasure of testosterone-overloaded cretins? … Yes, it does run contrary to that supposed concern.
What about the fact that… 24 out of 30 NFL teams have “cheerleader squads”… dressed in minimal tight-fitting “outfits” designed to accent their sexuality. They perform “gyrations” on the sidelines that can be termed “sexually suggestive”. … Yes, that runs contrary to The NFL’s supposed concern too.
Is The NFL hypocritical in that regard? One could draw that conclusion… Yes.
Several social media outrages note that THAT SHOW was Nor “appropriate family entertainment”. That assumes THAT was ever the NFL’s objective. Be assured it never was.
The Super Bowl Halftime Era of…
- Up With People singing “I’d like to teach the world to sing…” and
- The New Christy Minstrels’ “This Land Is Your Land” … or
- The Florida A&M Rattler Band performing a tribute to Satchmo Armstrong…
… ended long before there were AfAm QBs … before instant replay … and before J-Lo dated P-Diddy.
Speaking of J-Lo… Ya wanna guess How Old that gal is? “Jenny” arrived on The Block FIFTY YEARS AGO! – 5 – 0 … She is 6 years older than her current BoyToy – ARod. Say what you will about the appropriateness of her on-stage skankiness … but NO ONE is saying “that old woman ain’t got no bizness struttin’ around like that…”.
If The NFL had to pick Someone to put on a skanky porny halftime show… 50-year old J-Lo was a solid choice. You can agree without approving of the show itself. J-Lo’s 10-year old daughter was on-stage with “Mamma”?
If you want to do more “research” on J-Lo… In her latest “award-winning” movie – Hustlers, she plays Guess What… A STRIPPER! A stripper who organizes an escort/stripper service to fleece WallStreet guys. FWIW… she does her own pole-dancing in the movie…
Comparing this latest OUTRAGE from “many” with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue… which has been published since 1964. The same year that Bernice gave That Speech. Coincidence? It has subsided somewhat in recent decades, but it was a long-standing tradition that SI would be “flooded” with irate letters from “librarians in Iowa” canceling their subscription. “Nudies magazines” had no place in school libraries. I think SI made up many of those “irate letters” …
In closing… I do appreciate the negative reaction from “many” to the X-rated /porny halftime show. If I were Official Super Bowl Censor – there are many reason I’m not – I would not have OKed it.
Want to bet Next Year’s SB show is similar if maybe toned-down just a tad. If you choose to no longer follow The NFL for this or various other reasons… That is Your Decision.