BREAKING NEWS: “Storming The Court” replaces Taylor Swift as #1 Dead Horse Beaten on Internet!

BobLee
February27/ 2024
BL Rimshots

February 27, 2024

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It was bound to happen … Taylor Swift and her Posse leave USA for “Down Under” in Australian & New Zealand where the “Who Cares” equates to a SOLD-OUT Tour. … Out of Sight / Out of Mind … and a new Stoopid Topic quickly replaces Ms Swift et al as The #1 Dead Horse Beaten on Internet.

Welcome the new #1 …. “Storming The Court”

“Storming The Court” is defined in 2024 Parlance as “100s of 97% privileged white soy boys and airheaded coed ages 18-21 sucumb to the primal urge to “be part of an uncontrollable mob”

… and rush onto a basketball court following the latest “Greatest Victory EVER” by our beloved team. …. until they lose and we don’t love them any morre.

Storming The Court was NOT created by Wake Forest … or by Duke (more about “Duke” later) … or by UNC … or NCState …. or by ________.   No one knows when the first “court storming” took place. 

It was very soon after Dr Naismith hung the first peach basket in that Springfield MASS YMCA in 1981.  Yes, our very own Coach Reed WAS there holding the ladder for Dr Naismith.

It might have been a game between CCNY and Grand Canyon State in 1914 but that cannot be verified.  If it was then … an Evil Duke player was somehow involved.  An Evil Duke player MUST somehow always be involved for it to be an Official Court Storming.

If no Evil Duke Player is availsble .. a cardboard cut-out of Tyler “Psycho T” Hansbrough csn be used anywhere but in Dean’s Dome.

It was not a proud moment in basketball history when it first took place.  It remains “nothing to be proud of” these days.   Whether it takes place at “your precious school” or “a HATED RIVAL”.

The only difference between “storming the court” and a “BLM street riot” is …

(1) the ethnicity of participants skews 97%  “privileged white kids” among court stormers …. and they have not figured out how to get molotov cocktails passed arena security… yet.   

(2) there are not a lot of flat screen TVs and other electronic toys laying around on the court to walk off with. “Privileged white kids” already have all that they want.

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There are THREE different opinions on “Storming The Court”.

(1) When it happens on Your School’s Court = No Big Deal ….. just kids doin’ what kids have always done ….  PLUS: It was (insert current Evil Duke Player Here) fault.  PLUS:

“All of our kids are way above average, well mannered and would never do anything malicious that students at every other school always do…”

But BobLee… Q: suppose the opponent was not Duke?  ….

A: Doesn’t matter … a current Evil Dulke Player has to be involved for it to count as Good or Bad regardless.    See Tyler Hansbrough Option above.

(2) When it happens at anyone else court = Home team must forfeit their ill-gotten victory.  Star player suspended for rest of season.   Identified participants suspened for semester.  All admins must be FIRED immediately and face criminal charges.

and a special … 

(3) When it happens on court of a HATED RIVAL  = DEATH PENALTY for all Hated Rival teams for at least a decade.  Any/All Banners in Rafters ripped down and burned within 24 hours.

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Now, now BL:  aren’t you exaggerating just a tad?  NO, actually all the crap noted above has been posted by quite insane board monkeys over the past 72 hours.   I omitted the overly obscene and really ridiculous ones.

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Q:  Why the necessity of “a current Evil Duke Player (or Tyler Hansbrough)” ???

A: Why Not … Duke Basketball is universally hated by the species of humans that HATE lots of stuff especially really good athletes on the opponents teams.  Duke has a long infamous history of such felonious miscreats.

The tradition of current Evil Duke Player can be traced back to Art “The Pest” Heyman in 1962-63.  Followed by Bob Verga and “Missoula Mike” Lewis … Danny Ferry … Terry Chili … Johnny Dawkins … Gene “Tinker Bell” Banks … and of course #1 CHRISTIAN LAETTNER / Grant Hill / Bobby Hurley … Quin Snyder … Gerald Henderson … Wojo … JJ Ridick … Grayson Allen … The 3-4-5 Plumlee Brothers … “Zion” … and now Kyle Filopowski. 

If I left our Your Favorite Evil Duke Player feel free to insert him when sharing this column.

If you haven;t heard yet …. The recent incident in Winston-Salem was 100% the fault of Current Evil Duke Player Kyle Kilipowski.   Yep … 100% Kyle’s Fault … He faked the injury like every Duke player does … so The Haters say?????

Wake Forest board monkeys have an authenticated Zaprudenr video showing Filipowski viciously and with homicidal intent attacking totally innocent WFU soy boys and coeds with the very same bloody tire iron that Dudley Bradley used 30 years ago to bludgeon Clyde The Glide in Reynolds.   Even I did not know that bloody tire iron was still around.

Last time I heard about that bloody tire iron was when Gerald Henderdson assaulted Psycho T …. 10-12 years ago.

And of course Satan Incarnate “Coach K’s” mere existence for 40 years personified Pure Evil for the aforementioned “WE HATE” crowd.

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While discussing DUKE …. yes, the Cameron Crazies are the #1 raucous and obscene student section in all of collerge sports.   They don’t tend to storm the court so much because …

#1:  they have to hurdle press row and team benches …

#2: Duke is rarely if ever an Underdog so Wins are expected.

#3  Most of their exceptional students come from 3rd world countries where “rioters” tend to get shot and/or sent to gulages or simply beheaded.   … plus its in Derm which many consider a 3rd world country ruled by left-wing extremists anarchists.

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OK BL …. what is Your Brilliant Solution?

It IS a Gordian Knot lacking an obvious solution.   PLUS:  College Admins and their “Boards” are notoriously reluctant to actually solve problems of any sort.  

Basketball arenas tend to NOT have easy locations to place snipers with .50 calibres to mow down the soy boys and airhead coeds.   That rules that out unfortunately.  It would be my first choice.

No mattert how many Rent a Security Guys you have … its not enough to stop 100s of goggled-out  spaced-out post-adolescent retards determined to have their Moment To Remember to tell their children “when I was in school we once stormed the court …..”

A PA announcemernt to PLEASE DON’T STORM THE COURT Never Works,  It actually reminds the stormers to storm …. because they know they can’t be stopped regardless.

Barriers like the ones in Ice Hockey are impractical … sigh.

Moving the student section further away from their court WORKs … But is highly unpopular as it affects “the all-important game atmosphere” supposedly.

Incidentally, THAT is why you seldom if ever see “court storming” in March Madness.  The students seats are all up in the nosebleed sections.  By the time they get down to the court … the Evil Duke Players are long gone.  “Court Storming” is no fun without Evil Duke Players to blame it all on.

Putting the Fat Cats in the first 10 rows at courtside around all sides of the court will help since they are not prone to abject public idiocy and risk being cut-out of Daddy’s will and/or trust funds. …. which risks their booster club $$$$.

Lets reduce the What To Do to a simpler plan.

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Find a way to delay the Storming for just One Minute ... to allow the visiting (losing) team and the ever-present Evil Duke Player to clear the court for the more easily defended “tunnel” and the safety of their locker room. 

Offering all student “stormer-wanna-bees” free All A’s on their worthless courses  or $1,000 off their student loans. … if they “just wait a minute” …

Then the stormers are free to destroy their own buildfing to their heart’s content … rip down the goals … tear up the court … urinate wherever … have sex on the logo … whatever satisfies their bloodlust.   Supply cardboard cut-outs of Evil Duke Players (or Tyler) they can rip to shreads … etc.

That’s all I’ve got.

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“FanDuel Is Coming To North Carolina” ads pass 10,000 in number … Everyone who cares knows by now.  I’m not one who cares.

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Update on BobLee’s Current Unpleasntness:

I have completed two rounds of “Batting Practics” chemo.   The 100 mph high inside fastballs and nasty breaking stuff starts in three weeks.   

Oncology Docs say ….  Ongoing bloodwork looks very good and Very Encouraging.  Next PET scan in eight weeks.

No worry my friends …… I’m defintely following Jimmy V’s advice … 

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“Best of BobLee” begins HERE.

Return to Home Page HERE.

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