Stoopidest Moment in HB2 History (so far)

Washington Delaware
March31/ 2016

Prologue:  AgentPierce and I argued over who would get to author this one.  I won.  …. AP IS running versions of this on his site.


Choosing a “Stoopidest Moment in HB2 History (so far)” is a fool’s errand.  It only encourages everyone to try and top it.  I have confidence in the American public (including Vermont) to make solid attempts at beating Today’s Award Winner.

“HB2 History” encompasses everything that has gone on to-date from all sides of the Great Free-To-Pee Brouhaha.   HB2 refers to House Bill 2 which was the NCGA’s knee-jerk response to The Jennifer’s Seven’s Raid on Rest Room privacy.

“Jennifer’s Seven” refers to Charlotte Mayor Jennifer Roberts (a real “pieca work”) and her seven City Council cronies who figured the males and females in Greater Charlotte had no right to expect separate public rest rooms or locker rooms simply based on their genitalia at birth.   No…. the citizens of Charlotte did NOT get to vote on “it”.  The citizens of HoustoJennifer Robertsn DID and defeated it by 65-35%.

If I told you that “real pieca work” Charlotte Mayor Jennifer Roberts was a UNC Morehead Scholar would you think I was making it up?  Yep… she be.  Stereotypes exist for a reason.

And Yes…. the #1 public advocate for Ungenderfying Charlotte’s Rest Rooms – Chad Severeance – was indeed a “registered sex offender” which The Charlotte Observer was aware of but chose NOT to notify its readers because The Charlotte Observer and it’s sister newspaper – The News & Observer operate on a strict agenda-driven news policy.  It conceals information it deems harmful to “how McClatchy Corp thinks things oughta be”.   That’s a fancy way to say both newspapers LIE with complete abandon.

These Free-To-Pee advocates are the very same folks who adamantly believe “a woman has the right to abort unviable tissue masses (a/k/a “babies) …. but those same women do NOT have a right to privacy when they tinkle, poop or change clothes.

The whole damn thing is a Monty Python movie on steroids…. with the soundtrack dubbed in Swahili.   Nothing about any of it on either side of the issue makes any sense whatsoever…. sort of like the curriculum catalogue at The University of North Carolina Chapel Hill. …. or America’s choices for President in November.Clowns

This whole sordid mess is A War of Clowns.   Is THIS why Washington crossed the Delaware?

The assumption that humankind was ever suppose to be limited to just two “genders” is at the crux of all this.   Maybe “genders” are like “planets”.

Early man thought the solar system was just Earth, Mars and Venus.  Then Copernicus or Galileo or maybe it was Napoleon Dynamite discovered Saturn, Neptune, Mercury, Uranus and Jupiter…. and Pluto.  They later “undiscovered Pluto” deciding instead it was a baseball hit into orbit by Harmon Killebrew in 1963.

If thru stronger telescopes we keep discovering new planets…. why not “new genders” too?  The Sexual Alphabet Registry – LQBTG – seems limited only by letters in the alphabet.  You can declare yourself any “gender” you want to so long as you name it with a letter not previously assigned to someone else’s gender du’jour.  First come, first served …. the early gender-bender gets the letter.

What happens when all 26 letters are used is a problem I’m sure someone has been assigned to solve.  At the current rate…. that question should come up in mid-to-late August.  Allowing each individual a maximum of two genders may become necessary.

I’m not involved in any of that.  I was assigned to select a Most Stoopid Moment in HB2 History as of Thursday.   Here goes …..


NOTE: The absurdity about “the registered sex offender’s” identity being hidden from the public by McClatchy’s Charlotte Observer was not going to count.  THAT one is in a class by itself.

#3 = Rob Reiner saying he was not going to make any “more” movies in North Carolina despite getting enormous tax credits to do so.  A quick google search revealed Rob Reiner has NEVER made a movie in North Carolina.… even when public rest rooms were divided by those two old-fashioned genders.

#2 = the Governor of Vermont declaring North Carolina a No-Travel-Zone for Vermonters.  “Vermont” REALLY?   Had it been Nova Scotia or Uruguay maybe it would have mattered a smidgen, but Vermont?

When Mario Cuomo’s kid declared No More New Yorkers To North Carolina,  NC Guv Pat McCrory’s formal response was … “if we had known this was all it took to reduce traffic jams in Cary, we would have passed HB2 a long time ago.”

Ben JerryNo more Vermonters to NC means neither “Ben” nor “Jerry” will be attending the two NASCAR races in Charlotte.  Neither loony liberal ice cream mogul has EVER attended any NASCAR races but now it’s official. ….. the only other Vermonter (not named Bernie The Crazy Commie) is Howard Dean.  I always thought “Screaming Howard” should be Grand Marshall of The Spivey’s Corner Hollering Contest.   So much for that ever happening now. …. sigh.

Which brings us to #1.  You don’t have to agree with my selection…. but you have to hear about it.

The #1 Stoopidest Moment in HB2 History (so far) is…..

The Traffic-stopping Street Protest in Chapel Hill on Tuesday.

Chapel Hill Protest

That it occurred in Chapel Hill is a bit unfair.  75 years of unfettered municipal insanity has created multi-generations of humanoids over yonder for whom Abnormal Is Normal.   For Greenville or Salisbury or Reidsville to try and compete at the level of Abject Stoopidity as Chapel Hill is simply not fair.   In future Stoopidity Awards it may be necessary to exclude Chapel Hill.

So anyhoo on Tuesday….

Several hundreds pickle-headed squirrels (“Rainbow Snowflakes” as LadyLiberty has named them) gathered at the intersection of Franklin & Columbia Streets with their misspelled signs, bad complexions, pierced body parts, freaky haircuts, and “I Am A Victim of ______” t-shirts and blocked traffic for three hours.  LINK.

My pal “Lady Liberty” has an in-depth account of the Chapel Hill “Rainbow Snowflakes”…. Worth a read LINK.

One of the self-appointed “leaders of the loonies”  – June Beshea – said her goal was to “get arrested…. and hopefully our traffic jam will lead to the immediate abolishing of HB2.”   Huh???

Of the 59,376 residents of Chapel Hill less than 100 (97 to be precise) are even allowed to play with sharp-pointed scissors…. and/or allowed to leave the city limits without being on-a-lease.  I know 73 of those 97.

The remaining 59,283 odd (very odd) sociopaths over there already hate anything the NC General Assembly does including HB2.  The protesting squirrels were only inconveniencing other squirrels.

….. an analogy to this would be:  a mugger accosts you on the sidewalk.  He is holding a meat cleaver and demands:  “Give me your $$$, your cellphone and your watch…. OR I’m going to chop off my hand!” …. You do a double take and ask “Excuse me but don’t you mean “my hand?” and, in frustration the exasperated mugger pokes out his own eye with his thumb.

So the angry little HB2-hating squirrels of Chapel Hill stopped all the other Chapel Hill squirrels from going wherever squirrels go for three hours on a Tuesday…. and proudly declared “That’ll show’em” to the hated NC General Assembly.  The line of 164 Priuses and rusted out VW mini-buses backed-up down Franklin Street did create a rare photo op.

No one at the NCGA even knew the silly squirrels “did it” until I stumbled on a news item on which is only read by those same constipated squirrels holding the misspelled signs and yelling obscenities at one another in that intersection.

I am the only person outside the Chapel Hill city limits who even knows exists.  I go to it once a week to see if my pal Art Chansky has said anything especially goofy.

Alas and alack…. June Beshea was NOT arrested, Chapel Hill squirrels are back moving freely about The Village…. and HB2 is still “the law of this land”. …. until the ACLU can get it in front of a sympathetic jurist and HB2 will likely be overturned.

Maybe getting this award will buoy their spirits.

Meanwhile 100s of constipated Chapel Hill NCGA/ HB2-hating squirrels have headed to Houston where TWO AND ONLY TWO Genders is The Law.  If Chancellor Chihuahua tries to pee in a Men’s Rest Room….it could get messy in more ways than one.  Mario’s kid did NOT try to stop Syracuse from going to Houston.


Don’t Miss BobLee’s Special Quirky on…

Those Dean Dome Pee Walls…

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