Wow! $3.1M Is A Lot! Compared to What?

Ken Wainstein
November23/ 2014

One of The Great Questions of the Modern Era has now been answered.  Q:  How much did UNCCH pay TeamKen for The Report?   Answer:  $3,100,000.

That leaves still unanswered:  (1) What Will Happen To Roy?…. (2) What is a Chicken Nugget?…. and (3) Why did Julia Roberts marry Lyle Lovett?   You probably have 2-3 of your own.  We all do.

Any time an amount of something is involved in a headline news story it provokes a wide spectrum of human emotions.   Any “amount” is relative.  My mamma said “an inch isn’t very long, unless you add it to the end of your nose.”   Do mammas still say stuff like that?  Did yo mamma?

If Pablo Sandoval signs with the Red Sox for “only” $3.1 Million, that pittance will shock the pro sports world……
A Lottery Jackpot of “only” $3.1 Million does not send mobs rushing to buy lottery tickets……
If your boss gives you your annual review and then gives you a raise from $60,000 to $3.1 Million you probably want to know who he wants you to kill…..
If Thom Tillis and Kay Hagan had “only spent” $3.1 Million in their Senate Race, the journo-weasels would have been flabbergasted…..
If “only 3.1 Million” illegal aliens invade the US over the next decade would that be OK.

……. to paraphrase my mamma:  $3,100,000 isn’t all that much money unless UNCCH pays it to TeamKen for The Report.

Within a span of 48 hours, the $1.6M that UNC paid for fourteen Edelman elves to assist Vice Chancellor Joel Curran seems paltry by comparison.   $1.6M, by the way, is $300,000 LESS than NC State pays Mark Gottfried or Dave Doeren.  More on that later.

Considering the severity of the “issue” is $3.1M A LOT to pay TeamKen?

Would $570,000 be A LOT?  That is Marvin Austin’s current salary with the Denver Broncos which is $44,000 MORE than Russell Wilson’s salary with the Seahawks and $50,000 MORE than Carol Folt’s salary.

Would $1,150,000 be A LOT?  That is the per team “pay-out” for Christmas In Shreveport.  NOT allowing for travel expenses, it would take three bowl trips “to Shreveport” for UNC to recoup what it paid TeamKen….. it would take two of Dustin Ackley’s $1,500,000 annual salaries from the Mariners to match Ken’s check.

29 out of the 39 Bowl Games offer “payouts” LESS than what Ken got.

Lyle Lovett’s ex-wife – Julia Roberts – was “only” paid $300,000 for her role in Pretty Woman in 1990.  The former Mrs Lovett makes A LOT more than Ken Wainstein does these days.

Would you cut off both of your thumbs for $3.1M?   Howsabout just one thumb?  Would you cut off, and eat, one of James Moeser’s thumbs for $3.1M?

NC Governor Pat McCrory might think what Ken got was impressive.  Pat only gets $130,000/year to be Governor.

“My Friend Mary” Willingham is “only” asking for $10,000 in her lawsuit.   “Mary & Jay (Smith)” coulda woulda supplied most of the info in TeamKen’s report for about $3.1M less assuming they had access to either Carol Folt’s or Dean Provost Dean’s printers.   Or an account at Kinko’s.

If he (Ken) actually got all that money himself, he could go out and buy about 10 houses in Chapel Hill.  Average cost $330,000.   Or he could buy 130 Toyota Priuses ($24,000) or about 300 Rolex Submariner watches ($10,300).

NOTE:  AgentPierce INSISTS I insert some silly example involving Reverend Bill Barber’s “logistics expert” estimating 3,100,000 Barber-ians mobbing up at Durham Bulls Athletic Park for a Hoot & Hate.   Nobody but Jim Goodmon and Rob Christensen (and maybe TRBK) would believe that.

ECU could employ almost three Ruffin McNeill’s for that $3M and have almost enough left over to hire one Vic Koenning as DefCoor ($250,000).   There would not be enough left over to hire Dave Huxtable however ($450,000).

UNC doesn’t normally pay lawyers quite as much as it paid Ken.  UNC Law School’s most notorious bloviator  – Gene Nichol – only gets $220,000/year to teach one course and write screeds about “poverty”.

Guys who know what $3,000,000 might buy on today’s market are Tyler Hansbrough ($3,200,000) or Harrison Barnes ($2,960,00).   Danny Green of the World Champion Spurs gets a bit more – $3,760,000 PLUS a ring.

Granted he has a lot of little mouths to feed out in San Diego, but Phillip Rivers at $12,000,000 has not had to “get by” on “just $3M” for quite some time.

IF Ken wanted to start his own football league, he can now buy 2,700 of those “Chrome Tar Heel” helmets that The Fedorians wore at The Wally.   Bubba and Larry are offering those at $1,190 each.  I bet Bubba would give Ken a discount if he wanted 3,000 of’em.

What is the estimated payout value of Julius Nyang’oro “pension”?   Of Deborah Crowder’s?   Of Dickie Baddour’s?

I used to play a game about how much a certain amount of “money” matters to each of us.
Would you pick up a quarter off the floor of a really filthy public restroom toilet stall?
Would you pick up a nickel?

Would you have thought “it” was A LOT if TeamKen’s bill had been paid…..
….. Only $500,000 (Nate Irving’s NFL salary)?
….. Or $2,200,000 (John Swofford’s salary)?
….. Or $6,900,000 – Carlos Rodan’s signing bonus with the White Sox?

I could go on and on and on.  Many of you will probably send in your own silly examples.

Remember that quotable former coach Dick Crum (Harvard vs Oklahoma)?   A year or so before he fired him, John Swofford signed Dick Crum to a ten-year “lifetime” contract at $80,000/year.   Paying out THAT $800,000 amount flabbergasted A LOT of people.   Then UNC paid-off a more recent former coach – Butch Davis – over $2,000,000.   The last installment of THAT is due this January.   Right Jon?

What is The Truth worth?  To whom?
What is a Flagship’s Reputation worth?
What is “Accreditation” worth?  What the heck IS “Accreditation” anyway?
Does paying TeamKen $3.1M help/hurt a Flagship’s Reputation?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if Ken Wainstein did pick a peck of pickled peppers?

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