March 24, 2022
Who are your school’s NIL Sugar Daddies? … and other stuff.
First … “the other stuff”. … Yes, I watched a few of the first rounds of March Madness. Why? Because The NFL Playoff games were so entertaining I figured these games might be too. That 2nd half of UNC vs Baylor certainly was “interesting”. Wasn’t it?
I have written more than a few columns over the years castigating overly-caffeinated fan factions for their insistence that “all the &($%$#^ refs are incompetent and/or crooked …”.
Anyone NOT a hard-core ABCer who watched that 2nd half had to wonder if those paranoid whackjobs who always blame the F’in refs might be right after all.
UNC, of course, emerged victorious over the defending national champions. Looking back … that Baylor game may have marked Hubert Davis’ emergence as a legitimate Big Time Head Coach more than the “That Game In Cameron” several weeks ago.
There was no pressure on Hubert in Cameron. Everyone had Duke winning. The only question was by how much. With two minutes to go it dawned on The College Basketball World what Hubert Davis had managed to pull off.
Against Baylor, Hubert prepared his team so well that they blew away the defending national champions in the first half and into the second half. Historians were researching what were the most points a defending champion has been trounced the following year by a rookie head coach.
THEN … it all went crazy … “the refs” threw UNC hottest player out of the game for the heinous crime of “having a red beard” or some such silliness. Baylor started shooting lights out … but “the refs” figured Baylor was so far down they needed their help. UNC got called for fouls on every possession for “wearing blue uniforms”. Thru it all Coach Hubert Davis maintained his cool.
Of course, UNC somehow won in OT. A Masterful coaching job by Hubert Davis to keep his players from panicking in the face of overwhelming odds. Considering the circumstances for a rookie coach in such a predicament … whatever happens in the next two weeks, Hubert and UNC are now “playing with house money”.
VOILA! Bubba is vindicated! Ol’ Roy Who?
I’m sure the ABC mob didn’t see it as described above. Was “what happened in that second half” Karma getting its revenge for JANUARY 17, 1979 … Huh?
Surely you remember – SRO in William Neal Reynolds Coliseum – UNC vs NCState … seconds to go and UNC down by one. “His Holiness” Dean Smith hands Dudley Bradley a tire iron and says “do what you gotta do”.
Dudley coldcocks Clyde “The Glide” Austin with the tire iron at mid-court, steals the ball and goes in for a game-winning dunk. … as the refs say “What tire iron? We didn’t see no tire iron.” That bloody tire iron is on display in the UNC Basketball Museum.
Were the Baylor refs simply evening the score for all those “atomic elbows” that Tyler Hansbrough got away with for four years? … OR … Was it retribution for The Greatest Eligibility Scandal in NCAA History ? We’ll never know …
You may not like NIL or the Transfer Portal … or corrupt amoral politicians. BUT – they are all here to stay.
A “Sugar Daddy” usually refers to a horny old guy who enters into a financial arrangement with a nubile coed exchanging $$$ for “benefits”. Our usage of the term is simply a version of such.
“Your school” better get onboard the NIL train or settle for Christmas In Shreveport for the next 50 years of Big Time College Football.
Each Power5 SuperPower (and Super Power Wannabees) is assembling its NIL Sugar Daddy Cabal. A dozen or so “RDP” Fat Cats (“RDP” – Really Deep Pocketed) who will ante up “whatever it takes” to bid at each year’s “18 y/o semi-literate 5-star phenoms” auction.
WHO will be Your Team’s Sugar Daddy Cabal ? Every school’s booster club has its’ “those guys”. Hedgefunders – or – dudes who own 50 Jiffy Lube franchises or a dozen Kia dealerships – or – cyber geeks who created “an app” that cures male pattern baldness – or – just the usual 3-4th generation silver spoons whose families “own” entire small towns. These Very Fat Cats will be expected to “ante up whatever it takes” to rent 4-5 stars ….
Did you know … the going rate in today’s NIL market to rent a fleet-footed WR is greater than than the down payment on an ocean-front lot on Figure Eight Island? WHOA … and that’s a 4-star not a 5-star WR.
Before NIL, “those guys” were the ones who anted up for more charging stations and Hindenburg Hangar IPFs with smoothie machines and pimped-out locker rooms that rival the lobby of the grandest Vegas mega-casino. That silly bling has gone the way of the “$100 Handshakes” of yesteryear.
Now it’s cold hard CASH upfront… or bearer bonds. Kugerrands? … maybe.
NOTE: The Cleveland Browns just gave a $250,000,000 GUARANTEED contract to a guy facing 22 charges of sexual assault. This is a desperate NFL franchise that hasn’t played in January since Milt Plum was handing off to Jim Brown and Lou “The Toe” Groza was kicking extra points. … There are college programs just as desperate.
There are no rules governing NIL … other than “always wear clean underwear in case you have a wreck” and, of course, “be sure you always have a quarter to make a phone call”. That’s the best NCAA’s Mark Emmert and an ad hoc blue-ribbon committee could come up with.
Until NIL, if a Fat Cat gave A LOTTA $$$ to dear ol’ Alma Mater he got to have his name on it or his 3rd ex-wife’s name … unless, of course, he or his 3rd ex-wife’s ancestors might have once owned slaves … or knew someone who might have.
Now, their LOTTA $$$ is going to renting the temporary services of semi-literate 18 y/os with funny haircuts who might or might not stay healthy in a very violent game and might stick around a year or so until some other school’s Really Fat Cats ante up Mo Money and they up and transfer …
Raise your hand when/if ANY of this starts making as much sense as AOC explaining photosynthesis.
Of course … none of the above will effect 99.6% of your school’s fan base who have neither the financial wherewithal nor any intent whatsoever to contribute to this “Rent Us A Winner” strategy.
The foam-fingered great unwashed will simply do as they have always done …. Boast & Brag when WE WIN … and Blame the AD and HC when THEY LOSE.
The foam-fingered mob has never liked the Fat Cats because – silly – the latter have lots of $$$$ and the former don’t. Basic Marxian math. Liberte – Equalite – Fraternite! Storm The Bastille … etc etc.
No matter how much $$$ your school’s Fat Cats throw down this quite bizarre and quite bottomless NIL well, the foam-fingered mob still won’t like the Fat Cats.
As our wacky wacky world stares in to The Abyss, it’s kind of comforting to know … at least some things will never change. … sigh.