May 27, 2020
What was I Thinking when …
If you don’t stick with this column until The End … YOU’LL BE SORRY!
I am having Second Thoughts about … making a positive contribution to your general wellbeing, I may have done exactly the opposite > ADDED TO the stress baggage that every day life in America 2020 is exacting upon all of us. … Huh?
My recommendations for escaping for untold hours via bingeing on certain streaming shows have not exactly been “a cuppa hot chocolate and a decadent pastry”. For that I offer a heartfelt “Oops”.
I have, in recent weeks, recommended that you binge on Ozark – Better Call Saul – Line of Duty as well as others of similar ilk. I still recommend those as well written and acted shows that will exact a visceral reaction from viewers … and that…
Graphically reemphasize the pervasive apolitical corruption that infests our society institutionally and individually.
In other words… NOT an antidote to the daily Doom & Gloom … Faux and otherwise.
If its not too late … I’d like to offer more appropriate viewing alternatives for that original purpose of contributing to your general wellbeing in these times of strife and turmoil.
Delightful little murder mysteries set in bucolic villages inhabited by wonderfully eccentric folks … except for the sociopathic bloke that stuffed the local librarian into the wood chipper.
On ACORN TV – I much prefer ACORN TV to BritBox – alone there are 100s of viewing hours of what amounts to…
“Jessica Fletcher & Columbo & Monk move to Cabot’s Cove and – in 90 minutes – catch the sociopathic bloke that stuffed the librarian into the wood chipper – OR – “did in” Colonel Muster in the drawing room with a candlestick …
… returning peace and harmony to the surviving non-homicidal eccentrics of the bucolic seaside community … UNTIL next week’s grisly decapitation of Fred The Friendly Mailman”
Yes, basically … Hallmark Movies with a dead body instead of a perfect snowfall.
If it seems I am poking fun at a familiar genre… I suppose I am. “Fun” is what I am suggesting as your daily escape from risking being accosted by a deranged “Karen” while trying to buy a 6″ WhatChaMaCallIt at Home Depot.
Wait a minute – I DID recommend one of these non-stressful Who Done Its recently – Knives Out – definitely watch Knives Out w/ Daniel Craig as a Columbo-esque detective with a Mississippi magnolia-mouth accent. Terrific movie … Trust me!
ACORN TV is a very economical streaming service – $5/month – with virtually limitless BBC series / movies. The ones set in the Cotswolds are fine BUT the best ones – IMO – are made in Australia and New Zealand. I have NEVER watched a show made/set in New Zealand that was not “First rate, Mate”.
Don’t know what it is but New Zealand places and people come across as Eden before Eve ate the Apple. Other than – of course – the “grisly murder” that gets solved every 90 minutes.
The best series – IMO – are ones that are self-contained 60-90 minute mysteries … which cuts down on the “just one more episode” bingeing that keeps one up ’til 4 in the morning.
I strongly urge using CC / Closed Captioning for navigating endless British / Aussie / Kiwi colloquialisms.
I am six episodes into the 20+ episodes of Brokenwood Mysteries. A rumpled “constable” moves to bucolic New Zealand village and solves each week’s grisly murder by talking to the corpse and listening to American country music. “The grisly murder” takes place in the first scene … and 85 minutes later the last person you woulda suspected is cuffed and led off. I LOVE’em…
Then there’s Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. These are on Amazon Prime as well as ACORN TV. Miss Phryne Fisher is THE Most Captivating Female Character since Donna Mills’ Abbie Ewing on Knot’s Landing. HUBBA HUBBA!
These 4-5 seasons of self-contained episodes take place in 1920’s Melbourne and are unlike anything you’ve ever seen. These light-hearted Who Done Its are basically backdrops for watching Phryne Fisher Be Phryne Fisher. Thats reason enough to watch!
Blondie’s Favorite is Agatha Raisin – London Advertising mogul-ette moves to charming thatched-roof village “in the Cotswolds” and becomes “a Jessica Fletcher”.
I PROMISE YOU any of the above entertainment options will be that emotional escape we all need from Battleground America 2020. You do NOT need a mask and there is NO “X” on the floor to stand on.
Speaking of Haircuts … during the recent government-mandated domestic incarceration, yours truly’s hair passed thru the “BobLee needs a haircut” phase into “BobLee now has long hair”. Then, out of the clear blue, Blondie blurted out “I think I like the long hair” – YIKES!
Before we could decide “… to hold’em or to fold’em” we decided I would go for The Kenny Rogers Circa 1985 look. With Blondie’s enthusiastic approval, I don’t have to worry that she will “Go Lucille” on me … as in “picked a fine time to leave me …”.
No. I’m NOT getting into the Ty Lawson vs Roy Wlliams Brouhaha now. Here’s The Link! … Major College Sports are a clogged toilet of Idiocy. A pox on everyone involved.
Yep, it was me! … I committed an Orson Wells’ War of The Worlds firestorm yesterday on social media. I concocted a BREAKING NEWS REPORT that …
“Typhoid Mary” has issued a global press release that “all the offended “Karens” should GET A LIFE.
The press release was co-signed by all the “Johns” who DON’T solicit prostitutes.
I sent an e-mail ALERT to one of my “Special Little Groups” that might get a kick outta it… within ten minutes I heard from four of the Special Little Group with versions of … WTH? … “Typhoid Who”? … “Whats a Karen? … I’m confused??. OK, one of the four was Prince Albert for whom “I’m Confused” is integral to his overwhelming popularity among the FOPA – Friends of Prince Albert. Apparently not quite EVERYBODY was aware of The Karen Thing. Allow me …
Several weeks ago there was an incident somewhere in which a totally deranged woman – wearing a My Name Is Karen t-shirt – DUH! – went BONKERS in a Tru-Value Hardware store at an elderly gentleman (name withheld) – who was – OMG! – sans mask and standing only 5’8″ from “Karen”. The incident was caught on the store’s CCTV and circled the globe three times within 20 minutes.
“Karen” officially became a Worldwide Euphemism for Insane Bitches Who Attack Innocent People in Public for Not Sharing Their Media-fueled Paranoia.
I know what you are thinking. Yes, “Karen” WAS driving a Prius with a bumpersticker – Sure Joe Biden IS a Senile Pervert – So, What? Media reports conveniently left out that last part.
Soooo… within 24 hours Every dingbat wacko named Karen … every person – regardless of gender or lack of – married to a dingbat wacko named Karen … or that shares a drum circle with dingbat wackos named Karen … was petitioning The Freakin’ UN to – OUTLAW the use of “Karen” as a euphemism for “dingbat wackos infected with media-fueled paranoia”. Kamala “Razor-totin’ Woman” – Harris agreed to head the Ad Hoc “Angry Offended Karens ‘R Us” Mob.
It was only a matter of a few hours before descendants of “Typhoid Mary” Mallon were heard from. Mary Mallon immigrated to America in 1894 with three pieces of luggage and a bloodstream chock full of Salmonella causing Typhoid Fever.
“The Marys” speaking on behalf of gazillons of gals named “Marys” and the umpteen gazillion guys named “John” – most of whom DO NOT use the services of prostitutes – felt that the Easily Offended “Karens” do need to GET A LIFE.
If the above story does not reaffirm America’s Descent Down The Rabbit hole to BIZARRO-Land … What will? A Miss Fisher Murder Mystery is my recommendation.