BLS: ..It Woulda Been: 140 to 28 !!

Tiki Girls
November29/ 2015

Admit it.  You were doing the math.   EVERYBODY was “doing the math”.   If yesterday’s  annual edition of The Greatest FB Rivalry Within 100 Miles had maintained its first quarter scoring pace for four quarters it would have been:

UNC – 140 …. NC State – 28.   

If it had kept up that pace for just two quarters, it would have been 70 – 14 at the Half….. which totals 84…. which is about how many State fans would have come back into The Carter After The Half.   Kennel, NCGrad68, Cowdog, BOG Guy and maybe 80 others.   Cowdog being “maybe”.  Each one of’em could have had his/her own charging station.  Start counting the “charging station” jokes.  That’s One.

It didn’t, of course.  It became a VERY competitive game after those first 15 minutes – an actual Donnybrook (with no “e”).  So competitive, in fact, that delirious TruBlues in the far corners of The Carter had to be wondering if “That Damn Dan” and “Mary & Jay” were in league with Bissett The Beast to snatch Certain Victory away from The Larry/Genes.   Despite Swoffy’s refs best efforts, “those damn farmboys from Moo U” refused to quit.Tiki Girls

NOTE:  Yes…. those two skanky gals up top are the Infamous Tiki Girls…. bless their hearts.

Mo Mentum switched sides at the half – Ol’ Mo DEFINITELY caused Hollins to drop that Sure Six which woulda been a backbreaker for the Coming Back ‘Pack.   With 10:00 or so to go…. alls it woulda taken woulda been (1) three perfectly executed on-side kicks PLUS (2) Frank Weedon being reincarnated as The Referee and The Greatest Comeback In The History of The Greatest FB Rivalry Within 100 Miles would have been complete.

You will recall…. in my pre-game analysis, alls I asked for was CHAOS.  The only stat that matters in these Life Defining Encounters is not who wins or loses but was there enough pure undiluted CHAOS to make it memorable.   This one had it.

I knew my wish had come true (1) when that first Tar Heel TD was ruled a catch. …. then (2) when Swoff’s zebras made that call on the out-of-bounds hit or whatever…. I knew 52,000 Wuff partisans’ heads were exploding.   Robert Duvall  in Apocalypse Now  can have his “smell of napalm in the morning”.   I do love the sound of overly caffeinated sports fans’ heads exploding. 

I don’t care which fans.  It doesn’t matter so long as they are convinced that:

The GDMF “refs” are “on the take” and “out to screw us” because _____…..

In an ideal situation both sets of overly caffeinated paranoiacs are equally demented and every head in the stadium / arena is spinning and exploding.

Early in the 2nd quarter as Larry was considering sending his punter back to Chapel Hill since he wasn’t going to need him evenCarterPressBox once…. I get an e-mail from one of my spec ops commandos inside The Carter-Finley Press Box.   He was in a section of the Press Box with the technical guys that operate the scoreboard, Jumbo, photogs, etc etc etc…..

“BL, you oughta be here.  These people are going ape-**** screaming at the refs on every play.   Its just like you predicted…..” ….  “just like (I) predicted” – if I only had a nickel for every time I hear THAT.

My quick reply to him – paraphrased Sheriff Brody from Amity onboard The Orca –

“…..Need more charging stations…. LOTS more charging stations.”  That’s TWO.

When I watch a game that I know, by cyber law, I HAVE to comment on; I compose possible headines and zingers as the game unfolds.   Early on, I was working on variations of General Custer’s order to his troops to “Take no prisoners” with Coach Dave being Custer….. my back-up had DD as captain of the Titanic ordering “Damn Those Icebergs – Full Speed Ahead”.

Certainly those were discarded as Jacoby put The Men of Doeren on his back and did a yeoman’s job of trying to dig out of that 1st Quarter “Marianas Trench” of a hole.  Another quarter or two and who knows how it mighta ended.

Oh…. KUDOS to both programs for traditional old school uniforms.  I am NOT the only one who notices.

Believe it or not, for me, zingers about State fans and Referees / Swofford Conspiracy are passé.   They are too easy.   They’ve all been done to death.  It’s like “blacks and watermelon” or “Jews with big noses” or “Pakistanis and convenience stores”.   Every contestant at an open-mic night at a comedy club includes a “State fan / referee” joke.   In the past five years, it’s been the same with “Carolina / Swahili” of course.

Was there a signature moment in this one to join Dudley Bradley & Clyde The Glide or TA’s Knee in the “State gets screwed by the refs AGAIN” all-time hall of fame.   I don’t think so.

That block-in-the-back on the goal line that costs the Wuffs four points had potential but there are probably a handful of State fans on the planet that will admit the replay confirmed that one.   A “handful” is all it takes.

You all know my personal favorite…. Kennel’s claim that there were 26 guys blocking for Gio’s punt return and everyone of’em clipped a Wuff on that play.   He says he “has the tape to prove it”.   Nothing yesterday rose to that level.

I was glad it wasn’t the ROUT it started out to be.   The two programs should remain close in competitive strength.   This continues to be a Lightning In A Bottle Season for The Fedorians with “beating The Dabos” NOT out-of-the-question, by any means.

I don’t get deep into the weeds analyzing team personnel strengths and needs.  If the two programs played next week or two outta three who would prevail?   Pick’em.

The Sleeping Giant amid the pines has NOT awakened….. simply rolled over and opened one eye.

Will “this special season” solve UNC’s “aluminum issue”?  Oh, Heaven’s No.  It might sell a few 1,000 season tics but that’s all.  The “aluminum issue” ain’t ever going away.

Is Larry a goner for sure?  I don’t think so.  Larry Fedora

VPI has gone with the Fuentes – The Memphis guy….. and Les gets another year at LSU.   I don’t see another gig out there right now all that attractive to Larry.   I see him rolling the dice that he can replace Gene The Wonder Coordinator and that the NCAA Hammer will not knee-cap his program.

Oops… Mark Richt just got zapped at UGa.  That plus resulting dominos could upset some applecarts.  And Rutgers just fired their idiot HFB and bigger idiot  AD, but its Rutgers…. who cares? Ooops… Mike London just resigned at UVa… both Virginia ACC schools now “in play”. ….. Regardless….


Look for Bubba to jack Larry up to about $3.2M any day now with a 2-3 year contract extension and maybe another “mill” spread among his staff.

And don’t forget the fancy IPF w/ the Smoothie Machine.   Look for the good-faith bulldozers to start construction on that any day now.

How VITAL is a fancy IPF?  The program WITHOUT one won this year.  I’m just sayin’.   As long as Swofford is ACC Commish does UNC really need a fancy IPF? ….. I’m sorry.  I couldn’t resist.

Where’s all that $$$$ coming from to keep Larry?   Who the hell knows?   The usual “mysterious special fund” that does NOT affect big plans to add “more charging stations” (that’s THREE) to UNC’s Vaunted Black Cultural Center.   Do semi-literate 17 y/os care about a vaunted BCC?

Speaking of “UNC’s Black ….” I am declaring the Angry Little Urkels’ (ALUs) 50 Demands Or Else to be an Official Fizzle.   The steve-urkel-costume-1ALUs screwed up by not having at least one black jock at their “…..Or Else” Hoot & Holler show.   Whoever in Obama’s Cartel is coordinating these college take-overs by angry black anarchists needs to realize that without high-profile black jocks all they got is a handful of Urkels.   No one other than maybe Carol Folt (from Dartmouth) is afraid of Angry Little Urkels.

With due respect to our local Greatest Rivalry’s Scoreboard Buster…. the Game Of The Day (Night) took place in Palo Alto.   Stanford with…. (1) a tree as a mascot….. (2) a black coach…. and (3) a white running back and white WRs too !!!….. hung on to beat Notre Dame with a Hobbit place-kicker nailing a 40+er at the buzzer.    It was quite Humdingery.

So…. assuming there was no post-game logo-stomping or locker room desecrating to add fuel to the rivalry; we can all get back to the usual 24/7 UNCheats….. Swahili…. Duke is Our Real Rival ….. Chansky will say …. Damn Dan Kane and Mary and Dr Debbie ….. blah blah blah yadda yadda.


Oops… just learned that one of Larry’s youngsters “simply assaulted” someone last night.  Still not as bad as what happened with The Three Amigos after the TA Game….

WHAT?  You say – “Kennel has a tape” ….. proving that block in the back on the goal line was BOGUS!   OMG !  “Zappruder Bob” strikes again…..


Check Out a New Quirky – “Blind Gene (Nichol) Finds An Acorn”.



0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x