Hey Rosa! Where’s My HazMat Suit?

March28/ 2014

I told you earlier this week how tired I am of shoveling the sludge from The Great Unpleasantness, but I do what I gotta do.   So I get back from my wonderful weekend sojourn into “yesteryear” when the worst story on sports was “Does Gaylord Perry throw a spitball?” and here comes more yuck spewing out of Chapel Hill.

There are little kids in kindergarten who have never known a world when The Old Well was not ringed with yellow Crime Scene tape.  Holy Rosa Parks, Mr Friday!

Rosa Parks was certainly a major hero of the Civil Rights movement and, as such, quite lauded in and around Ye Olde UNC-CH campus.   After yesterday, will the mention of “Rosa Parks” mean quite the same to the hearty little band of Really Tru Blues.  Those blind loyalists who are doggedly clinging to the tattered shreads of their core beliefs that their Alma Mater was indeed a noble “mater”….. and not “a skanky gal of marginal virtue”.

A “mater’s” gotta do what a “mater’s” gotta do to keep fresh jerseys in those rafters and what all.  Who are we to judge what desperate acts are required in desperate times?

In the Torture bizness, I understand it is critical that your torturee not lose consciousness or enter a coma.   Once that happens, it doesn’t matter how many fingernails you pull out or how much waterboarding you do.   Your subject won’t feel it and be able to spill the beans or fess up or whatever.

The trick is to take him/her right to that edge where Max Pain is being felt.   We may be crossing that line with this ooey gooey mess.

Hellfire, I know Tru Blues who tuned this out waaaay back with the parking ticket revelations.   They ain’t heard about Julius or Fats or MaryTheWhistleblower or….. or….. or…..   I’m not sure they even know that Dickie went out in a blaze o’ glory with a wheelbarrow fulla plaques.

They still think Rosa Parks simply sat on a bus and was not the subject of THE most viewed UNC short-term paper in freakin’ HISTORY.  Hey, it wasn’t a very short term paper.  It was a very long tweet.  OUCH.

There was a story last month about ESPN (and UNC’s) Stuart Scott’s courageous battle against cancer.   He refuses to allow his doctors to give him any negative news about his prognosis.   He fills his days with vigorous exercise and positive time with his children and close friends.  Not a bad way to deal with a grim reality…..   I bet you know more than a few Tru Blues who are adopting Stuart’s plan relative to the grim reality of Tar Heel Athletics.

Speaking of ESPN, did you know that the 2nd largest congregation of UNC alums outside of Orange County….. is Bristol CT?

I don’t have any idea that is true; but I DO enjoy pissin’ off ABCers.   They always fall for conspiracy crap like that.

You know how to tell a long-time UNC fan?   He/she can remember when “Carolina was mentioned in (name a prominent magazine)” was a proud occasion.

Now when those afore-mentioned Carolina kindergarteners hear that, they Stop,Drop & Roll…. and yell “INCOMING” !!

Sports Illustrated used to hire more UNC grads than The N&O. …… (OK, thats not true either but it also really pisses off ABCers.).  Now no good little Tar Heel will touch an SI.  Of course SI prints even fewer hard copies than The N&O.

The numbers of Tru Blues cancelling HBO with their cable supplier after Gumbel’s latest hatchet job is 400X larger than Ol’ Roy’s ObamaCare sign-ups.   Actually I think THAT is true.   We can’t find even ONE lemming that took ORW’s ill-advised and hare-brained advice.

I guess you’ans all know that a select group of UNC student-athletes appeared before the much-maligned UNC BOT on Thursday….. to tout the sheer wonderfulness of their UNC experience.  I haven’t checked, but I’m guessing reports of that show & tell got lots of play on various rival fan message boards.  Ya reckon.

To defend my pal BubbaThe RealAD Cunningham who I’m sure was involved in that….. allow me to use an analogy.

If SuperWuffFan Brer’ Kennel was assigned to gather some representative “show ponies” of “typical” Wuff student-athletes…… he would grab Russell Wilson, Todd Fuller and probably hisownself as “just your typical NC State student-athletes”.  He would likely NOT trot out Charles Shackleford, TA McLendon or CJ Leslie or…. or…. or….   Would you?

So Bubba and Charmin’Lil Carol didn’t spend too much time tracking down Julius Peppers, JR Reid, Greg Little or LT... or…. or…. or…..  Would You?

That would be DUMMMM!  Granted UNC admins have done a LOT of Duummm over the past five years.   Actually Dickie MIGHT have trotted out Julius and LT.  Remember, Dickie ordered up the pissed-off posse when he and Meezie canned Matt..

I’m sure the BOT were blown away by Ryan and Marcus and whatever whozit Field Hockey gal that is a Rhodes Scholar nominee.   I would not be surprised to learn one or more quite-impressed BOTer asked “how is this effecting recruiting?”   After all, there is historical precedent for such inanity.

There is a UNC precedent for pretty much any example of inanity you can imagine.

I have no clue when this toothache, headache, hemorrhoidic institutional trainwreck will end.  Maybe it will NEVER end.   Chapel Hill will be declared America’s Chernobyl ….. and ordered abandoned for 200 years.

AgentPierce says that sounds like a darn fine idea to him.   He would.  Especially if they stuck Gene Nichol’s head on a spike and put it on Hwy 54 to scare folks off…. figuretively speaking, of course.

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