Your Formal Letter of …..

December22/ 2010

Our Annual Christmas commentary …. Christmas came six months ago courtesy of a dreadlocked elf named Marvin.   Angry Birds settled in and bedlam, angst and mayhem became the order of the day.  Bedlam, angst and mayhem –  the ingredients for any rabid dog to chase his tail.

I have changed my thinking that Duke Lacrosse would be the wildest woolliest story I would ever chronicle for its unadulterated hootification.   Of course an insane honor student (cough!) ho or two hoots up any situation.

Are you into Angry Birds?  Two out of three smart-phoned Americans are.   It’s an “app”.   NOTE:  Albert, skip the next few paragraphs.  No way I’m explaining “apps” to you.

Angry Birds is a very addictive game where birds are slingshot into fortified castles occupied by evil pigs.  Albert, I told you to skip this part. I mean it.  Drop down at least three paragraphs.  Right now!

The little birds come in different types ….. blockbusters ….. kamikazis ….. mini-bombers.  Depending on if you go in high or straight-on affects success at destroying the evil pigs’ and advancing thru levels of difficulty.  Sound effects add to the game. The primary audio are pigs grunting and little birds going weeeeeeeeee as they crash into the castle.  Grunting and weeeee-ing – sound familiar?   Shoot a bird right and everything EXPLODES.   

Hear Ye!  Hear Ye!  I don’t give a tinker’s teaspoon of spit how this foolishness is resolved or if it ever truly is.  That river in Egypt has flowed for 1,000s of year.

Butch skates… & BOTBob is crowned Emperor… & Kenan Stadium is renamed Marv’s House of Tweets…. or the whole place bulldozed into a rutabega patch.  It’s all just a very bountiful Golden Corraliest Ultimate Buffet of COLUMN FODDER!.

Partisan extremists dive headfirst into wood chippers and some suggesting I should too.  How yummy !

Children in The Sudan eat flies for breakfast while partisan fans debate how many diamond watches equal a Death Penalty.   That answer is “more than two”.

Big Time College Football’s festering malignancy hit The Triangle like an angry asteroid.   Too much dust in the air to measure the size of the crater.  The dust from Amphibious and 470 SAT has never truly settled in 25 years.

NOTE:  A well-known Auburn Fat Cat (and prominent dog track-owner!) – Milton McGregor –  facing 250 years for federal racketeering has been granted a 72-hour stay of sentencing to attend the BCS Championship.  Ain’t America a wuuuundeful country?  Milton

The vampire squid ….

isn’t Auburn most notorious Fat Cat Felon.  That be Bobby Lowder – once described as “the vampire squid whose tentacles will forever strangle Auburn University”.

UNC fat cats are rewarded with seats in the lower level.  At Auburn they get conjugal visits and extra smokes.  Welcome to Life In BCS-ville.

Our Duke Lacrosse Anniversary column is posted each March 13.  How will we date this Lulu?

The stamp on the FORMAL LETTERS of Disassociation?  A high point of low points?

The $14,000 e-suggestion from the consultants at Hill & Knowlton:
“ Use Dickie for the really embarrassing stuff.  That way no one that matters takes the credibility hit. ”
– Regards,  Bruce @ H&K.
Enc: Invoice (due upon reciept)

The first enraged & excited WuffLoon to E-scream in ALLCAPS “ROY’S PROBABLY CHEATING TOO!  LETS HANG’EM BOTH!”.  Who can forget that?

BOTBob Winston complaining to fellow Trustees:  “Some guy named BobLee is picking on me.  Can we make him stop it?”   A phone call I will cherish forever.

To paraphrase Charlie “Puffin” Kuralt – It’s never been about the tweets or the trips or the bling or the tutor or The Way.  It’s about the harumping and the partisan howling and the conspiracy theories and the naive arrogance and ….  here at BLSays it is always about:

Human Absurdum
In All Its Madcap Manifestations
Just imagine what surprises 2011 will bring us!



To Each BL Buddy & Babe:
This Is Your FORMAL LETTER of 



  BobLee, Blondie,
The Kid & Annabelle too.

falalalala …. lalala

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