re: Buckeyes & Floozies

December30/ 2010

As our toes grip the edge of the yawning precipice of 2011 and with the accumulated wisdom of another annum, I have decided – a high percentage of Life’s perplexities are revealed with either of two comments:

1.    “It’s always about the money.”
2.    “She’s obviously had work done.” 

Two year-end stories fall within those simple observations.   Buckeye Bling Brouhaha and Favre & The Floozy.

I could argue the prosecutor or the defense case on Buckeye Bling.  It will always be a mistrial.  When is the last time anyone was satisfied by anything involving those most vile four-letters …… N – C – A – A.

Hey BobLee,  in every collage of malfactoring college football players, the lack of diversity is alarmingly apparent.  How come?

Hey How Come, regardless how thinly one slices a non-diverse universe, each slice will be as non-diverse as the universe from whence it is carved. 

How come it’s always black guys getting busted for breaking rules, taking $$$, etc etc?  The overwhelming majority of players on Top Forty college FB teams ARE black. ….. Among NCAA Field Hockey players suffering high ankle sprains, 98+% are Caucasian females.  Same statistical model applies.

Why are the gridiron arts of deep snapping and kicking (punting and place) the Jim Crows of college football.   I defer that to sports anthropologists.  Read my engrossing “Players From Mars – Fans From Venus”.   I place it among my best works.

As predicted a half dozen times over this Autumn of Unpleasantry, The NCAA is a soulless conscienceless bureaucracy that does not care how angry you get at it.   There is no he or she to cuss or hang in effigy or dip in tar and feathers, set astride a rail and run out of town.  The NCAA Chief Executive has the Q rating of your town’s Register of Deeds.

The NCAA rivals only the IRS in unpopularity.  Sports fans who can’t spell NCAA even if you spot them the “A’s” despise it, whatever it is.

Any NCAA ruling is like a bride’s first soufflé – a guaranteed disaster.  But unlike the NCAA, brides eventually do get it right.

With all the hues and all the cries, the Buckeyes will have their bartered tatts and Sugar Bowl CEO Paul Hoolahan (UNC ’71) will have his TV ratings.  Sports talkers and sports bars from sea to shining sea echo with “it’s all about the money” …… burp.

The Ohio State AD rolled out The Sgt Schultz Gambit paining many of you.   BobLee predicted

… spawn 1,000 copycats!

“Butch’s dummy-up ploy will spawn a 1,000 copycats”.  

Dickie actually believes The NCAA is about integrity.  Dickie also believes Rielle Hunter was a heckuva fine little videographer and that J.R. Reid could read but simply never chose to.

My favorite moment – when the partisan nitwits sang “they are po’ boys who needed the money for life’s necessities.“  You will get no argument from me.  A tattoo IS a life necessity in today’s afro-urban culture.

Should BuckeyeNation be appalled these guys placed no value on silly bric a brac?   These are grid-mercenaries.   Mercs are hors de combat – hired to fight  battles – not to sing anthems or salute flags.  Is this the same at our school?  Yes.

How does this Monty Pythonic verdict affect the festering wound amid Kenan’s lofty pines?   It does unless it doesn’t in which case it probably will or maybe won’t.  Some say this will increase UNC’s impending sanctions. Some say it won’t.  Some say the world will end in Fire.   Some say in Ice.  According to Robert Frost either would suffice.

Does this NCAA ruling make any sense whatsoever?  It was never intended to make sense.  “It’s always about the money.”


Yes, the lights on Franklin Street DID dim and The Old Well ran dry ….. for 880 seconds …. on Wednesday night.


Unlike the NCAA, The NFL does have a face – Roger Goodell.   Rog has not seen forensic evidence that Brett sent Jenn a picture of Little Brett.  No one can prove Brett did not (?!?)  Ergo, Brett might have so Rog has fined him $50,000 – the equivalent of a 3 & out for #4.

Jenn Sterger gained fame as The Tallahassee Tart – The Cowgirl Skank Queen of the Internet. Every single bit of notoriety she has accumulated has been based upon her overt floozificated image.   Her fame measured by #s of Jenn posters taped to ceilings across the NFL Universe.  Erin Andrews was seen nude by stealth in a Marriott.  Jenn Sterger was seen nude on purpose in Maxim.

Jenn Sterger is to Sports Journalism what Herve Villechaize is to Thoroughbred Racing.   Herve said “The plane boss, the plane….”.   Jenn had pheumatic breasts and wore abbreviated costumes enhancing her enhancements.   The Jets hired Jenn to stir the loins of JetsNation.  Their rented QB’s loins got caught in the undertow.

That Jenn got Brett’s attention is understandable.  Red Lobster commercials make you want to go get some shrimp.  That a very rich and famous celebrity athlete would respond like a common hairy-palmed perv is mystifying.  Of course “she’s obviously had work done.”     

Jocks and Jenns are forever in a kabuki dance of pursuer and prey. Former Texas Tech ‘60s stallion Donny Anderson would call Lubbock sororities.  A winsome coed would answer …..

Donny:  “Hi, how are you feelin’?
Coed:  I’m fine, thank you.  
Donny:  I’m Donny Anderson.  How do you feel NOW?”

Those were simple rotary phones.  Was Donny nekkid as he spoke?  There is no forensic evidence to that effect.

NOTE:  Herve’s character in Fantasy Island was named (drumroll please) – Tattoo!

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