Butch Is No “Edward J. Smith”

October01/ 2010

Dear Coach Davis:
I have been following your predicament with interest.  I too was once a very important man paid a lot of money to be in charge of a big deal.  Mine was a glamorous life. Fame and famous people court
ing me.  I was at the pinnacle of my profession.

I had several 1,000 people working for me. I could not possibly know what most of them were doing at any one time, but I was “in charge” nonetheless.  I was a very important person.

On the night of April 14, 1912 I was directly involved in one of the most infamous disasters in history.  I did not personally cause the disaster, but I was in charge.  The disaster occurred “on my watch”.

I, Edward J. Smith, was Captain of the RMS Titanic.  I did not personally steer my ship into that iceberg.  I did not order too few lifeboats for my “unsinkable” ship.  But the great disaster occurred and I was – The Captain.

Early in the morning of April 15, 1912, I went down with my ship because, Coach Davis – that’s what a for-real “Captain” does.  Maybe it’s different with big-time football coaches.

Captain Edw J. Smith (d. 1912)


Our “Stripper” Is Not A “Captain” …. sigh, sob.

Before I launch into a hyperbolic rant let me remind myself and each of you that this is about (1) arrogant football coaches – (2) dumb-ass jocks, and (3) toe-stumping bureaucrats.  To anyone dealing with a for-real crisis in your personal or professional world, I apologize if I make this seem important.  It is not.

If the UNC Football program shuts down today at 5:00 PM I will simply stay home Saturday and watch State vs VaTech on my HDTV saving $5 parking and several hours of my day.  ‘Twile be but a blip on my life’s radar.

Someone will die today in an accident.  Someone will be diagnosed with an incurable disease today.  Someone will lose their job today through no fault of their own.  Those are real tragedies.  This is just a case of human foolishness.


An internal investigation, under the best of circumstances, raises eyebrows and generates smirks.   When the chief prosecutors loudly proclaim the primary suspect to be above suspicion any evidence is immediately tainted.  A mistrial is a certainty as any sliver of credibility is blown to smithereens.

NOTHING that Butch Davis, John Blake, Marvin Austin or Marv’s entourage of miscreant teammates have done comes as a surprise to anyone not stone-blind drunk on Carolina Kool-Aid.   A collage of slick rascals running amuck in the obscene comic burlesque known as Big Time College Football.

“Step right up!  …. See JoJo the Dog-Faced Boy and Elmer The World’s Tallest Midget .”

I am blessed to know some truly smart and accomplished people who are battle-scarred “crisis management” veterans.  Those guys have been asking me over the past 36 hours.

Q: “BobLee, is there anyone in charge with ‘a pair and a clue’ …. This Category 2 Embarrassment has been mismanaged into a Category 4 PR Disaster.” 

A: That does appear to be the case.

The steaming pile of “yadda yadda blah blah” is growing like kudzu on ViGoRo.

John “Black Santa” Blake  blah blah blah …..
Tweetin’ Marv’s Travelin’ Roadshow blah blah ….
The Honor Court perps  blah blah ….
Chris “The Hawk” Hawkins  blah blah blah ….
More crap we don’t know yet but soon will ….

…. and The Pale Rider – the CEO of UNC Football – coping the Sgt Schultz “I Know Nuthin’” Defense also known as Bart Simpson’s “I’m not admittin’ nuttin and you can’t make me” Defense”.  Davis lacks “The Meaning of Is” to have The Trifecta of The Arrogantly Guilty.

What does Davis gain by admitting accountability? …. score a “character point” or two that might cost him contract buy-out $$$.  Charles Manson will confess before Davis mans up.

There is a motley assemblage of sad souls rallying to Davis’ defense – snot-nosed goobers on message boards and pathetic old farts desperate for one Orange Bowl before they croak.

his peanut gallery holding a candlelight vigil …

Toss in a few 45 year-old Little League right-fielders and Butch has his peanut gallery holding a candlelight vigil for his unmerited salvation.

Richard “Dickie” Baddour has finally achieved total irrelevance becoming “a blue-bleedin’ Joe Biden”.  His media performances and Dickie-isms are knee-slappers – like watching a blind mime try to catch lightning bugs.  Huh??

Chancellor Thorp, so steadfast at that long ago press conference, has become the high-stepping drum major for the Butch Is Innocent Regardless of How Guilty He Is Parade.  His inexplicably syrupy-sweet support of Davis has turned the internal investigation (wink) into a soggy gooey odious travesty.

Yes, writing that paragraph was very difficult.  It’s you buddies & babes’ “fault” for your loyalty to me over the years.

I now GUARANTEE that Butch Davis will “be gone” before The Winter Solstice.   Who takes the perp walk with “Coach Shultz” is too early to say but the final body count will be much higher than it needed to be.

Kenan-Flagler MBAs will be dissecting the pratfalls in this mess for years to come.

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