Richard Perle Sauteed The Foie Gras

January18/ 2000

… There were probably 1000s of other such conversational gourmands meeting inside the Washington Beltway on Friday night.  Nine adults enjoying a 4-course gourmet dinner au conversation.  Ours had a former Asst Secty of Defense, the ex-wife of The Head of The World Bank, a military historian, a Libby Trial aficionado, a right-wing fanatic from Berkley, and a North Carolina couple referred to as friends of Tom. … That grotesquely hilarious report about Apple Cheek Johnny’s Poverty Castle ??? Wait til BobLee tells you THE REAL STORY!

If you want to skip down to the hilarious REAL STORY about Apple Cheek’s Monster Manse go ahead … but do come back up for this account of our Foggy Bottom Fandango.

Remember The Brunswick Stew Party a few years ago.  Given my druthers I’d take that over Friday night for pure conviviality plus b-stew trumps foie gras every time with me.  But, our dinner party in a prominent DC-A list neighborhood certainly added a few memories to the life larder.  The Mizzus could not get out of Georgetown fast enough Saturday as urban congestion about did her in.  With me it was the Euros and faux Euros that slink up /down M Street.  They are sorta like Shineolas except they (the Euros) have greasier hair.

Our dear friend Thomas The Berkley Right-winger had invited us.  Clarice and Howard were our gracious hosts.  We had no idea who was on the guest list, nor did they.  They likely still don’t know and we’re still not sure ourselves.  

Howard perked up when I said I am a legendary humorist.  So is my brother he said.  Feldman … yikes … was this MARTY FELDMAN’s brother??? … Hump, what hump … Walk this way … I’ll take the one in the turban.  No … Michael Feldman … an NPR talk show guy that is well outside my interest sphere.

When the big man in the hat said his name was Richard Perle I first thought the guy that started those Vision Centers.  Close … the former Reagan Asst Secty of Defense not affectionately known around DC as the Prince of Darkness.  Richard, legend has it, was the first one to get GWB’s ear after 9/11 and strongly recommend taking down Saddam ASAP.

I introduced myself as the last remaining member of The Flying Wallendas and Mizzus said she was Stephanie Powers’ younger sister.  I detected a glimmer of recognition with the name Wallenda but it flickered and died quickly.  After game after game of “hey look, IT’S BOBLEE…” it was sort of nice to be naught but a whozit for an evening.  Now I know how those three little white boys at the end of Dean’s bench musta felt all those years.

A pre-dinner conversational mini-joust highlighted by one of Thomas’ Napa Valley finest led us to the dinner table.  I was seated between Thomas From Berkley and a little Jewish lady named Clare with a daughter at Chapel Hill and an ex-husband who was almost CIA Director and instead is Head of The World Bank – Paul Wolfowitz.

Mizzus was between Richard and Peter The Lawyer From Annapolis.  During the course of four courses and about two hours of chitting and chatting, Peter actually used the word Parenthetically … TWICE.  In well over 50 years I’ve never used in once nor do I ever intend to.  Peter used it with a deftness that would lead one to believe he uses it daily if not hourly.  I wonder if Paul Johnson, a football coach who lives in Annapolis, has ever used the word parenthetically?  I doubt it.

A French onion soufflé began our epicurean journey.  At about the 15-minute mark Richard left the table.  When he returned he had grease stains all over the front of his blue oxford button-down.  Since I’ve been known to get a tab rowdy in eating I chose not to inquire “yo Perle, whats with the grease spots?”  

Clarise explained it all … she had asked Richard to sautee the foie gras.  Although he knew one should slide the foie gras delicately into the hot pan, silly Prince of Darkness DROPPED the foie gras from several inches above the skillet … voila … grease spots all over his shirt.  And this was the man that convinced GWB to take out Saddam!  I wonder if Cindy Sheehan knows how to sautee foie gras?

The thought occured to me twixt Course Two & Three … suppose Ol’ Fruitcake Freddie From Franklin Street had been hiding under the table?  That silly wabbit’s tin foil hat woulda been spinning like a top. Lord have mercy, Freddie would have been dialing up the Mutha Ship for sure to report a new CONSPIRACY!

I cleaned my plate because that’s how I was raised plus, like Mikey, I eat most anything.  Mizzus nibbled and later expressed her pique at the goose liver. The Beef Wellington of Course Three was equally tasty to me but a bit too rare for Mizzus.

As the evening progressed everyone seemed to assume familiar roles … listening to Richard Perle tell about meeting with world leaders and getting the Chi Coms to reduce the price of AK47s to the Mujaheedin.  Richard Perle does NOT care much for The Saudis.  In other words, the same chit chat you get about anywhere.  Richard did ask me which other humorists I admire the most.  Since I did not mention PJ O’Rourke or Robert Benchley it didn’t much matter who I mentioned.  I deftly dropped Dave Huxtable’s name and I thought I noticed a slight shiver from ex-Mrs Wolfowitz.

John McCain’s name came up.  Mizzus did that finger down the throat gag sign which took Peter Parenthetical aback.  The military historian lady even pretended to care on that.  Richard seconded Mizzus’ low opinion of McCrazy with a few stories on him that likely are not in his official bio.  Apparently John McCrazy has a hair trigger temper and the attention span of a gnat.  But, unlike Barack, he has normal ears … and unlike Hilly, he has discernible ankles.

I noted to ex-Mrs Wolfowitz that out-of-state tuition had just been increased at UNC.  She said she didn’t care since her(daughter’s) father can afford it.  He’s head of The World Bank.  She’s likely right.  I tried a second question tied to 40 Point Frank’s next career move.  I lost ex-Mrs Wolfowitz … never to regain her.  I later learned she is a somewhat famous anthropologist specializing in Sumatra.  She woulda lost me quickly on that.

We did learn all about the shadow government that really runs Washington … the insidious webees that have been in place forever and defy all administrations and/or new personalities.

Clarice, our gracious host, attends the Scooter Libby Trial each day.  She had many harsh words for Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald.  I later learned from Thomas that there are at least two websites devoted to people who dislike Clarice a lot.  TWO … My kinda woman!

On the drive home Saturday we stopped at the Silver Diner at Potomac Mills.  Mizzus had a grilled cheese.  I had a crab cake melt.  It was good.


   Those of you in NC, likely read a story on Sunday about Apple Cheek Johnny’s $6,000,000 Poverty Castle in Chapel Hill.  How BIG is it?  Michael Jordan’s (now Juanita’s) Casa de Chicago has 26,000 sq ft … Former one-term Senator and one-time defeated Kerry running mate has built a MONSTER MANSE that containing 2,200 MORE square feet than MJ’s pad. …. 28,200 of domestic decadence on 102 acres that Scarface Tony Montana would envy. …. It is THE largest single dwelling in Orange County without a bunch of jerseys hanging in its rafters.

   The once poor little mill town boy has built himself a tightly-secured “compound” bigger than that mill in Robbins; hell, bigger than Robbins.  28,200 sq feet on 102 acres and not even one little soup kitchen.  Not even a bunk house for the less fortunate in Orange County.  Apple Cheek’s did include a basketball court for himself (and a racquetball court for Ms Elizabeth who worries constantly about her zoftigish tendency).  No mention of whether Johnny will permit Orange County’s impoverished youth to enjoy his gym but the security guard and multiple physical deterrents surrounding the compound do not scream Ya’ll Come On In, Ya Here. …. Elizabeth’s racquetball court was paid for by you the taxpayers at about $40,000 courtesy of Meezie’s keen judgement in selecting a Pied Piper of Poverty.

I have no problem w/ people enjoying the fruits of their success whether it’s Apple Cheeks’ Monster Manse or an NBA 1st Rounder buying 365 diamond studded Rolexes and a plasma TV the size of a 747 … but I am opposed to grinning blow-dried frauds appearing to be something they are not … and a sycophantic media cooperating in the deception.  28,200 sq ft and 102 acres will not hold this smarmy rodent’s ego.

The Edwards do not consider this Castle Fit For A Colombian Drug Lord Who Just Won The Lottery to be excessive.  Ms Elizabeth says we don’t take vacations like most families.  We put our money and time into our home. The utter absurdity of that comment brings us to the REALLY cool aspect of this hilarious hypocrisy.

The story of The Edwards Monster Manse broke Friday AM thanks to Don “Kolchak” Carrington of The John Locke Foundation.  I know Don very well … a tireless and thorough investigator.  Don and I are members of the Tom Vass Friday Imbibing Society.  I had Don’s story by 8AM but sat on it with the keen instincts of one who later that evening would dine with Richard Perle and Peter Parenthetical over foie gras.  Matt Drudge posted it by 10 AM and John Locke’s servers melted almost immediately.  Apple Cheeks was a national laughingstock by noon. ….. meanwhile down at The N&O, Johnny’s Personal Sycophant Rob Christiansen was pecking away…

The Edwards had kinda sorta figured the utter grotesqueness of their domestic decadence might proof a tad embarrassing.  Apple Cheeks is no fool … but he figures aWHOLE lot of other people are.   Apple Cheeks had His Boy Rob working on a puff piece to deflect the grotesqueness of his domestic decadence.  Unfortunately that puff piece was set to run in Sunday’s N&O … fully 48 hours AFTER at least one of Apple Cheek’s Two America’s was bustin’ it’s gut laughing at the blow-dried hypocrite.

New Media = 1 …. Old Mainstream Media = 0 !!

Apple Cheeks had promised to His Boy Rob a cup of his bathwater for the ridiculous self-serving BS article trying to explain away Apple Cheek’s latest ridiculous hypocrisy.  His Boy Rob’s tardiness REALLY made Apple Cheek’s look absurd.  His Boy Rob looked ridiculous too but he sold his self-respect years ago.  Even in a spider’s nest like The N&O, the only fellow employee that will sit in Nash Square and eat a PB&J on a park bench w/ him is Jim Jenkins!  Birds of a feather (sea gulls!) for sure.

Stay tuned.  Apple Cheeks isn’t done yet.  Hilly and Barack will suck all the oxygen out of any coverage of Lib/Dems on the campaign warpath but Johnny will continue to strut and preen and His Boy Rob will be aspinnin’ it the best he can.  Rob Christiansen, alas, is the Mike Nifong of political reporters.  Rob and Jimmy Jenkins are both betting their mediocre careers on being Apple Cheeks’ White House press secretary.  Their time would be better spent learning how to use a leaf blower.   They might make decent twin lawn jockeys at Apple Cheek Johnny’s Monster Manse.


 What the Hell does PARENTHETICAL mean???


    We are switching to a new program to put out our Platinum Pals e-mails.  So many of you signed up it blew the gaskets on our original program.  We will have it up and going real soon.

    North Carolina’s Education (cough, cough!) Lottery is “only $200,000,000” behind projected revenues.  Maybe Mr Lottery Jim “The Weasel” Black needs to sell some more $50,000 pancakes ??? Lottery officials “blame” NC citizens for spending too much of their $$$ on CELL PHONES and not enough on “the lottery”.  What a pathetic bunch of scummy shysters.  Gather up all the “Lottery people” … lock’em up in the Raleigh Convention Center Bottomless $$$ Pit and nuke it and them.

    The BIG HUBBA HUBBA over the last seconds of The Duke- Clemson Game!  Classic … Rosemary’s Other Baby has to be laughing his butt off at how conspiracy theorists swarm about twice a year over crap like that.  I guarantee you Ol’ Roy ain’t paying it no mind at all.

   BobLee spoke to The Triangle Chapter of Legal Administrators on Thursday.  Very nice group of folks.  Lots of laughs especially over seersucker suits and golden labs named Trevor.

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