How Comes & Why Nots ???

January17/ 2000

How Comes & Why Nots ??? … Serious Ponderings … BobLee’s “ponderer” has been stuck on full speed lately.  He needs to empty his hard drive so all these BIG DEALS can be resolved and society can move forward.  Some involve our usual rogues gallery of characters and some don’t.  Some you won’t care about … some you can’t afford not to consider.

  If Dickie Baddour is such a klutz “intent on destroying UNC football”. HOW COME he was able to arrange for local TV coverage (WTVD-ABC 11) for this week’s Louisville game?  Attaboy Dickie! … You da man!

  Michelle Wie is going to come under intense criticism from fans in general … because most folks can’t fathom that she is THAT GOOD at just 16.  Being considered among the top ten female golfers on Earth at 16 is pretty darn cool.

A NASCAR car travels TWICE AS FAST as a top major league fastball.  That’s a scary thought.  If you ever get to a NASCAR event (and you really should) walk down by the fence to get a feel for how fast they are moving … and only inches apart.

With all due respect to linebackers … I think major league catchers are the toughest sumbitches in any sport.

If TV ever goes “poker” 24/7 I still won’t watch it.  I would watch WNBA before I will watch “poker” … OK, that’s a lie, but I don’t watch “poker”.  If Vanessa Marcil (“Samantha Jane” on Las Vegas) was on it maybe I would watch it.

I am THE ONLY Tar Heel fan that has NEVER been bothered by Chuck Amato’s sunglasses, red shoes, or bench presser’s chest. I don’t understand rival loonies obsession with his eccentric style.

A favorite UNC fan complaint is FB game times.  Prior to 1988, almost EVERY GAME kicked-off at 1:30 and “nobody died” of heat prostration.  Damn that global warming!

Punks and Hooligans have no “rights”.  We used to “tiss tiss” at Europe’s soccer hooligans.  Now our sports events have the exact same element making their no-account presence felt.

I appreciate all the folks who enjoy soccer and hockey … but I’m not one of’em.  I’ve tried, really I have; but neither sport punches my hot button or even my medium warm button.

In Carolina and Duke, The ACC has two of the dominant programs in college basketball.  Most areas and conferences aren’t “dominant” in any particular sport.  Why can’t more fans appreciate that uniqueness instead of constant bitching that “we should be a top ten football program”.

Here’s a very special “pearl of wisdom” from our buddy “Al, the insane wuffie fan”. (sent in BY a quite sane but embarrassed fellow Wuffie!)

“I saw the Coke “fridge mate” in Food Lion yeasterday. The package had the Heels schedule printed on it. I purchased Pepsi products. This was somehat of a dilemna because Pepsi was invented by a UNC grad. Never the less I think we need to send Coke a message by leaving the UNC marked packages on the shelf. … “83grad”

Based on his username, this humanoid should be in his mid 40s.  YIKES!  One can only hope when he was dropped on his head onto the concrete that he was somehow neutered at the same time.  This sad clown should not be out procreating AT ALL.  Yes, Pepsi was invented by Thomas Wolfe right after he wrote whatever book he wrote … or maybe it was Dan Cortese?

Catchers may be the toughest sumbitches in baseball but shortstops are the most incredible athletes.  A 3rd baseman in slow-pitch softball has to be the craziest.  Hockey players have more teeth than a softball 3rd baseman facing an aluminum bat from 60’ away.

Xenophobic golf fans had to be traumatized last week.  The winner and runner-up at the PGA’s Greensboro Chrysler were K. J. Choi and Shigeki Mariyama.  The winner and runner-up at the LPGA’s event in Southern California were Hee-Won Han and Soo Yon Kang.  If Isao Aoki had won the Champions event (Hale Irwin did) it woulda been “AN ORIENTAL CONSPIRACY”.

Dave Glenn and BobLee are THE ONLY sports pundits who fully understand “the lunatic fringe”.

The difference between being a “top” PGA Tour golfer and scrambling to keep your card is about 2 strokes a round.

If THE BEST TENNIS PLAYER ON EARTH, Roger Federer walked around wearing an I’M ROGER FEDERER” t-shirt, 99% of America still wouldn’t know or much care who he was.

Anyone who would attend a major league baseball game and NOT have a hot dog probably does other stuff I can’t understand too.

Being Tom Brady or Derek Jeter has to be a pretty cool guy to be.

Not even the geek that invented MapQuest understands how it works.  If it took MapQuest an hour to spit out directions it would still be unbelievable.

The PGA Tour should reduce the number of clubs allowed in a bag from 14 to five … would that not require guys to be creative?

“Coordinators” should be paid more than Head Coaches since they ALWAYS get fired first.  The aforementioned Roger Federer could be a “Coordinator” and who would know … but a segment of whatever school’s fanbase would hate him passionately anyway.

No team should be allowed in a bowl game with less than 7 Ws (against real college teams).

The field for the post-season NIT should be the 32 first round losers in the Big Dance.

I still want to be a major league umpire.

Eliminate field goals in NCAA Football OTs … make each team have to try to cross the goal line.

Am I the only person who has noticed that the security “professionals” at airports (TSA?) are now the same rent-a-slugs that were there pre-9/11.   I had one try to compare my “Federally approved ID” to my boarding pass recently and I swear she was functionally illiterate.

I know lots of people have a passionate interest in the NBA, but I don’t know a one of them.

Kid Swagger really likes her high school but has never attended one of its sports events in 4 years.

Why didn’t God make azaleas bloom at least twice a year.  We need more azaleas blooming in this world.

I have absolutely no idea what a fifth of liquor or a loaf of bread costs.

My 2001 Ford F-150 Supercrew with 116,000 miles is the best “vehicle” I’ve ever bought.  But I admit I do miss my 280 ZX from 20+ years ago sometimes.

Kid Swagger’s Christmas Tree has been in the same corner of the same living room in the same house for every one of her 17+ years.  Not many kids her age can say that.  Not many kids her age have had the same PARENTS for 17 years.

If Mack Brown finally beats OU this Saturday it won’t matter because it won’t be “a big game” because every loonie knows “Mack Brown can’t win a BIG GAME” … It’s a Loonie Law.


Swagger’s Stumper

Lee Horsley played what TV Private Detective?


It was ol’ Makhtar that claimed quite erroneously that a Ute called him the “N” word at the Final Four.  I had to bring him up because I was slamming Chuck pretty hard and I wanted to give all my Wuffie readers something to smile about.  Why isn’t Ol’ Makhtar mentioned in all those Deify Dean books?

Skippa’s boy Ersky Bowles is the new UNC Prez.  Every single fire breathing right winger I’ve spoken with is OK with that choice.  We pretty much knew the ultra hard-core left wingers in Chapel Hill weren’t about to approve anyone who had ever used their right turn signal any way.  They get UNC … we get the Supreme Court … I’ll take that trade out.

A super fine time with Kevin Miller on WPTF last Tuesday.  Ol Swaggy might be popping up there some more .. or maybe some other places … ya jest never can tell where that boy might pop up … BOO!

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