Week Six – Phooey Looey(ville)!

January17/ 2000

… Darrell Griffith, Wes Unseld and Pervis Ellison all had “double doubles” by the 3rd quarter…. With 69-14 and 34-0, Bobby Petrino now holds a wider victory margin (44.5) against UNC than either Denny Crum or Rick Pitino combined … OUCH! … Dickie’s evil conspiracy to destroy Carolina football is now revealed in all its malevolence. …. Mack wins “a non-Big One” against some mediocre has-been dynasty … speaking of “has-been dynasties” … Hail Hail To Michigan – Doormat of the Big Eleven.

    Luckily for Marvin Sanders, the Loyal Order of Loonies had awarded him a lifetime contract following recent UNC victories over State and Utah so his joining Jon Tenuta and Reggie Herring as Defensive Gurus giving up 50+ points in a game this season will not impact his occupational circumstance.

    Those same Loonies are now scrambling to locate Butch Davis again.  They had let Butch slip away since September 24, but no doubt will be serving him up again as the OFFICIAL “if we/they/Fat Cats/PTBs/”that Damn Baddour” REALLY cared about football we’d hire …”.  Which of our frantic little “Cliff Clavens” will be the first to propose “we should bring Mack back” now that Mack done spanked his Red River monkey?

    The past 6 months have been pretty rough on “monkeys on backs” what with Ol’ Roy and now Mack stompin’ the snot outta theirs respectfully.  Do ya think “Mack lied to dem boys” when he told his ‘Horns that they actually beat OU this year?  With so many Heel Loonies having terminal Mack-hate … wonder what has that bunch more upset now … Mack “winning a big one” or us losing to Looeyville?  

    I’m pretty sure after “Elvis Duffledorf’s” umpteenth sack of Matt Baker that construction crews stopped work on that “Kenan East End expansion” that the aforementioned Loyal Order of Loonies had ordered to begin last week when they declared UNC Football officially “Back”.  The Alamo gets a 69-14 reprieve.

   The Dickster’s malevolent conspiracy is now revealed.  This goes back about five years and involves Dickie’s henchman Larry Gallo.  Gallo COULD HAVE scheduled “has been dynasties” like Michigan, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee, etc.  But he knew those programs were headed into the crapper and likely victories over them would spoil UNC Football fans to the point that BCS dreams would dance in their heads … so he scheduled LooeyVille.  “Looeyville” … aren’t they just “that other school in Kentucky that recruits rogue basketball hooligans”?  Their stadium is named for a pizza guy … not a respected oil and transportation tycoon like ours.  Dickie and Larry knew that double butt-whuppings by Looeyville would insure lots of exposed aluminum next to that fancy new Black Student Center.

   Using the old “If A beat B and B beat C and C beat D then …” … The University of South Florida is 93 points better than NC State!  But don’t get too giddy … Northwestern beat Wisconsin and Utah dropped another one. 

   Tom Wolfe’s, Charlie Kuralt’s and Choo Choo’s school giving up 69 points in a stadium named for a pizza guy.  Where does this rank with losing to Weber State or the back to back losses to Hampton and Davidson?  Humble pie has never been a favorite dessert on Franklin Street … and ain’t gonna be any time soon.

   Hey … Howsa about those Wuffies? Back on the BCS Trail again – Yee Haa!?? A white-shoed, no Oakleys Chuck went down to Hysterical Bobby Grant Field and “totally dominated” a team that beat Auburn.  OK, the “totally dominated” is not quite right but Chuck ditching the red shoes and shades (AS WE PREDICTED HE WOULD!) is right.  It was a very good W for the beleaguered Messiah of Western Blvd.  Amedo’s even put Chuck’s picture back up over the cash register. 

   So now Bobby’s son Tommy and Bobby’s sorta-son Chuck meet next Thursday across from F-Bomb Alley to see who will be much maligned for the next week.  Since John Bunting has now lost his “burley” again, the beleaguered and maligned club is gaining members fast.  Lloyd Carr and Phil Fullmer got voted in about 6 PM Saturday night.  Urban is temporarily out of the club but they are keeping his seat warm.  And meanwhile in an upscale neighborhood in Norman Oklahoma, Bob Stoops is growing a beard and being fitted for a prosthetic nose.

   Could Duke reduce it’s margin of defeat by simply forfeiting every game?  For sure they would at least beat the spread. Speaking of Duke … Lou’s boy, Skip, is 2-0 against “Southern Ivies” … ECU beats Rice Institue.

   After watching that Hoo thug Butler cheapshot BC’s Mathias Kiwanuka I can’t wait for Hokie Jim’s A-Line this week.  That ranks as THE worst cheapshot I’ve seen since that hockey thug Todd Bertuzzi.  I’m pretty sure neither Tommy Jefferson nor Katie Couric would approve.  Little Johnny Swofford needs to say something about it for sure.

   Exactly WHAT HILL is JoePa “OVER”?

   The Boys From Blacksburg completed their annihilation of the state of West “By Gawd” Virginia as the only Thunderin’ heard in Lane Stadium was generated by MV2 and his crew.  Got to know if Hokie Jim wore his “Yeah, I’m THAT Jim “Buford Pusser” Alderson” t-shirt and walked tall thru the Hokie F-Bomb Alley swinging an ax handle. Yes, they have one too.

Evesdropping on

  Cliff & Al 

  Mark Richt is a Christian. And there was no way a Christian was going to get hired at the Hill.” (for those of you not up-to-date on Loon lore, this is a reference to a 6-year old urban legend about Dickie not hiring “Christians” … which, of course, assumes that Bunting and Ol’ Roy must be either Buddhists or Druids) 

 “69-14 … How could we lose to such bozos. Does that make “us” bigger bozos?? I would certainly temper any chance to laugh at UNC after they beat us 2 yrs in a row. Makes me wonder where exactly do we stand in the grand scheme of things.”


 “That Kirk Herbstreit is an IDIOT … he has ALWAYS hated the Pack!  What a JERK!

 “Did ya’ll hear Kirk Herbstreit praising NC State?  Is he on Tamato’s payroll or what? What a Tool! … and another thing, Sports Illustrated has always been jealous of the Heels.

 Say Good Night Cliff & Al … “Good Night Cliff & Al”

(WE DON”T MAKE THESE UP … these are your friends and neighbors!)


Swagger’s Stumper

Speaking of Cardinals …

Busch Stadium will be imploded in the next few weeks.  

Where did the Cardinals play BEFORE Busch Stadium?


 Lee Horsley played Matt Houston

 BobLee taped a TV show appearance on the local NBC affiliate this week.  Some local politicos were also on the show.  A local fellow trying to unseat “Mayor Charlie” opposes Charlie’s mass transit boondoggle on the premise that “pretty soon we will have flying cars and flying buses so a commuter train is a stoopid idea.”  Following that opening act was tough.

 The UNC BOG did a major No-No in selecting Ersky as UNC Prez Charlie Rich-style {“behind closed doors”).  No excuse for such rampant arrogance even from that rampantly arrogant batch of “silverspoons and cronies”.

A SSays tennis enthusiast took BobLee to task for dissing Roger Federer.  He says Federer is much better known than BobLee is.  Yeah maybe, but I betcha Federer can’t write 700+ incredibly insightful commentaries with just two fingers.

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