Week Five … Yo Coach, HUSH, PLEASE!

January17/ 2000

… Bunting’s surging Tar Heels vanquished the American Samoans of Utah before 45,000 UNCers.  The game was “good” but even better were the 1,000s of stories being swapped about “This Wuffie I know who is so mad at Chuck that he …”  Swagger hits the highlights of games of interest.  A note on “The golfing cowboy” and we check in with Cliff & Al 

    Last year when Carolina met the American Samoan senior citizens of Utah, Urban Meyer’s team rang up 669 yards of offense in a lopsided rout.  On this day, the Tar Heels used timely defensive turnovers to even the score with the Utes 31-17.  Urban Meyer’s team was again involved in a rout; but this year Urban was the routee down in Tuscaloosa.  “31” is becoming a very friendly number for UNC fans.

    Surprise visitors in Kenan included Steeler phenom Willie Parker and a mysterious gremlin on Connor Barth’s right foot.  The appearance of Parker on the UNC sidelines should stiffle the Internut chatter about John Bunting’s talent appraisal skills.  Willie visited the Lettermen’s Lounge at halftime and said all the right things in an exclusive interview with SSays’ own Prince Albert The Long.  

A good solid W for The Heels against a respected Div 1-A opponent.  Next up Louisville as UNC’s completes its Murderer’s Row of OOC opponents.  While EVERY game is important in an 11 game season, UVa and Maryland loom as the “benchmarks” to watch in the weeks to come.



BobLee will be on WPTF–680AM this Tuesday AM 

from 8-9 on The Kevin Miller Show.  

The subject – Fan v Fan Violence @ Sports Events.


    Down at The Esso Club in Clemson the annual “Bring Danny Back” chant is beginning.  Tommy’s Tigers fall to Grobe’s Deacs which isn’t as easy to swallow as OT Ls to juggernauts.

Beamer’s Boys bid adieu to the snaggle-toothed mouthbreathers of Morgantown.  America’s most despicable fan rabble could only watch thru their beady little crossed eyes as “little brother Marcus” led the Hokie’s to a convincing win thereby saving numerous couches from a fiery death.  

Mr Jefferson’s Hoos, led by “NFL genius” Al Groh, fell to Ralphie’s Turtles at “The Byrd”.  So much for a Hoo December at The Alltel.

Duke, losing to Navy, failed in an attempt to make NC State the only ACC school to go thru September without a victory over a Division 1-A opponent.  Luckily both Duke (with 3 NCAA BB titles) and NC State (with 2 NCAA BB titles) are well-established “basketball schools” so its no biggie.

Speaking of NC State… which LOTS of folks seemed to be doing last week:

    As Mr. Swagger was driving back from “The GGO” on Wednesday, the Swaggerphone was ringing off the hook as buddies reminded me to listen to Coach Amato’s weekly radio show.  Based on his post-game “you people” comments followed by his Monday post-practice “sweaty” N&O comments about “I don’t pay attention to fans …” Chuck Amato and a live microphone promised to be quite exciting … and it was indeed.

    I was passing by JR’s Warehouse in Burlington when I found myself beseeching the beleaguered coach … “just SHUT UP Coach …”.  As one who also speaks in public, I know what it’s like to commit vocal hari-kari and it ain’t a pretty sound.  My empathy was sincere.  There is a school of thought among guys like Chuck and me … if you say something dumb, chase it with something even dumber.  All folks will remember is the “dumbest” thing you eventually say.  That theory doesn’t always work but we usually do it anyway.

   Chuck tried to drag himself out of the quicksand bog of “you people” and “I don’t care about the fans…” by saying “I didn’t mean “Wolfpack fans”.  Apparently he meant Eastern Kentucky fans … who knew?

Chuck employed the dreaded “how long it took Frank Beamer” defense but, Praise the Lord and Dirty Dan Wells, he did NOT say “they even hung Dean Smith in effigy”.  That would have been pretty much unforgivable by the “you people”.

As so often happens, every word he squeaked was like throwing an anchor to a drowning victim.  Imagine the captain of the Titanic looking for another iceberg to fill the hole that the first one made.  Professor Irwin Corey sucking pure helium and then reciting The Rime of The Ancient Mariner in Farsi.  “I’m The Man and The Man is The Leader and leaders lead the real Wolfpack fans and that’s who I care about because real Wolfpack fans know I’m The Man …”

Just when it couldn’t get any worse “Bob From Bermuda Run” called in … it got worse.  Bless his heart, “Bob” went right to that special little closet in every Wolfpacker’s basement – 



   With that I’m pounding my dashboard and screaming … NO CHUCK, DON”T GO THERE!”  But quicker than you can say Peter Golenbock … Chuck was comparing himself to Jimmy V and how his quite bizarre N&O interview on Monday was unfair because he was “all sweaty” coming off the practice field.  

    I have no idea who was in Bobby Murray’s showroom with Chuck at the time but they were “true believers”.  If Gary Hahn had enough pitchforks and torches for everyone I believe they’d a marched right down to South McDowell Street looking for Claude Sitton and Mickey McCarthy (both of whom have been long gone for 15+ years).

    And then there’s “THE PICTURE” … 86% of Earth’s population has now seen “THE PICTURE” of a befuddled Coach Chuck Amato talking to the referee.  Forget the photoshopped version, the original will follow Chuck to his grave.

   By this time I was by Dockside Dolls in Graham and just figured “what the hell”.  Baring Dickie Baddour giving birth to an armadillo I had my next column.

 Pearls of Wisdom From

  Cliff & Al 



We don’t make these up.  They are straight from the Internuts! 

“… band director Jeffrey Fuchs was quoted in Tar Heel Monthly about playing the SAME songs over and over that he didn’t care what songs the fans wanted to hear but rather the band played songs that band-members wanted to play.  Um, who does the band play for–its members or the school and its fans?!  And with as many girls as there are now in school there, why we don’t have ANY majorettes?

I continue to be impressed with the class of Bunting. I would be proud to have an alumni of his character coaching OUR school. Amato is a strange sort, and his outside antics make you wonder. I don’t know him personally, so I won’t say that he is of poor character. You can drop the national contender line. Most pack fans I know have stopped drinking the kool-aid, and switched to harder stuff.

There were families out there today that had brought their children and the kids were simply frying. Several older gentlemen in our section left at halftime saying they simply couldn’t tolerate the heat any longer. One lady right below us had to be helped to the concourse. Now how much do you want to bet that they won’t be back for the next late Sept early Oct, 1:30 start. When are we gonna get a real AD that cares about children and old people?”

… Oprah Winfrey said that she used to hear what a great guy her agent was, especially from the people he was negotiating with. Then it dawned on her that the people that he was negotiating with on her behalf, should be slightly annoyed at him if he was haggling aggressively for her. She fired him and became one of the richest women in the world. When UNC fans like our coach and have  wonderful things to say about him, it is time for him to go. Coach Amnato makes the folks in Chapel Hill nervous. He has at least brought parity, but may bring more.”

 Say good night Cliff & Al … “good night Cliff & Al”.  

 >>> The Golfing Cowboy From Gilroy California …<<<

   I saw my very first PGA tour event in 1967.  Sandy Kinney and I drove over from Chapel Hill to The GGO at Sedgefield.  I recall it vividly.  Dave Stockton was leading starting the final round until he snap hooked his drive off #1 into the 9th fairway.  Seeing all “the pros” so close up was awesome.  About 250+ tour events later, a bit of the ethereal glow is gone but a tour event in person is still a different experience from watching a game from “the stands”.

One of the pros I saw that day was George Archer aka “the golfing cowboy from Gilroy California.  Gilroy is “the garlic capital of the world”.  George Archer died last Sunday.  I was around George many more times since 1967.  The last time I spoke to him was 3 years ago at Glen Arbor Golf Club on Long Island.  He was always tall, polite and a gentleman and “a former Masters champion”.  We should all be so remembered.  R.I.P. George Archer.


 Swagger’s Stumper

Who once accused a “Ute” of saying the “N word”? 

(spelling not important)


   Fine time in Kenan on Saturday.  The Loyal Order of Friends of Norwood tailgated pre and post game in the shadow of the Bell Tower.  I then watched the game from “the heart of Napa Valley” smack dab on the 50 with General Bill and Syb and their Statesville posse PLUS Will Vaughn and a gaggle of Billy “Buck” Sanders’ TarPitters.  No idea how IC-TTP rabble got in those Fat Cat seats.  Lets blame it on Dickie.

 Don’t forget to catch BobLee on WPTF 680AM – Tuesday – 8 AM … gonna talk about a certain notorious “alley” so we’ll have a SWAT team in the lobby and snipers on the rooftop.  Yes Siree – LIFE IS GOOD!

 [email protected]

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