Me, My HD & The Purehearts 2008

January16/ 2000

It’s been nagging me all season but suppressed because it is not how I am supposed to think.  Maybe it was the frog-strangling rain that deluged Byrd Stadium.  Maybe it was the Bowl Game prospectus I received from the Rams Club.  But I really like watching games on my 40” Sony HD flat-screen better than hassling to go to the actual game. …. It’s Rivalry Week and time for our annual Perils Of The Purehearts saga!

Mizzus and I gave each other the 40” Sony flat-screen as a co-anniversary gift back in May.  We thought about waiting until Christmas but realized how terrific college football would be in High Def on a big screen.  The cost was $1,300 or thereabouts.  I spent another $300 on a home theater sound system.   And there was $500+ for a leather recliner.

I’ve recounted here our living room / kitchen remodeling project that consumed the summer.  We invested heavily in creating a very comfortable viewing environment complete with private restroom down the hall with no line, stocked refrigerator with FREE WATER, and climate control.  Plus I can read the #s on the jerseys!  And I get that cool “yellow line” thingy.  I really like that.

A pal of mine spent $250,000 on his “home theater”.  A wall-to-wall screen AND a popcorn machine with real cocoanut oil.  He has 20 leather recliners …. each with it’s own cup holder.  Hellfire, I don’t even have 20 friends (since the election!).

I’ve had Kenan season tixs for 10 years.  I truly enjoy the minimal hassle-free game day experience.  Parking at The Friday Center and shuttling to Woollen.  I have several tailgates I try to visit and each game offers an opportunity to see a BL Buddy or two.  ….. I ENJOY WATCHING COLLEGE FOOTBALL.

I do not go to vindicate my existence vicariously thru the labors of hired mercenaries none of whom can identify Hinton James, Frank P. Graham or John M. Morehead or know Charlie Kuralt from Charlie Manson.  My “before I die” list does not include “Carolina play in a BCS game”.  It does include my name on the marquee at Caesars Palace.

 I go for The Game for all its color & pageantry.  Unlike my buddy VineSwamp who drives two hours from Lenoir County for EVERY GAME or my pal “Pencil” who drive three hours from Charlotte EVERY GAME, I would not make that time sacrifice on a regular basis.

So far this Fall I saw Missouri play in the rain in September.  I’ve seen four Duke games at The Wally (still the slowest concession lines on the planet, but the home side restrooms are MUCH better than the visitor side.)   I had freebies for all those Wally games.  Of course we had a delightful time in Deacon Tower several weeks ago.  In addition to every UNC home game plus UVa (ouch!  That still hurts!).  The similarities in all those games (except UVa and Mizzou) is the proximity and ease of the experience.  We will always go to UVa because Mizzus simply loves Hoo-ville.

So last Saturday …. UNC loses ugly in the pouring rain at 6:46 PM. We walked into MEZ (duh!) at 7:02 for dinner with friends from Charlotte.  Charlotte friend is a Hoo alum, says “Sorry your guys lost.  Are your board monkeys barbecuing Butch yet?””.  I say “Oh sure. The loonies had Butch turning on the spit at 6:52.  Tennesee can have him for bus fare to Knoxville right now.”  Gotta love those cyber simians!   By 7:10 we are sipping sangria and margueritas and beginning a delightful three hour dinner and entertaining chit chat.  The fate of Carolina Football consumed four minutes of those three hours.

Tar Heel fans who had gone to College Park were soaked to the bone, bummed about a miserable afternoon, and facing a five hour southward trek home.  Not unlike Napoleon’s beaten army trudging back to France thru a Russian winter.  Oh, and I had switched back/forth watching State v Wake too.

My point to all this is there is a limit to my devotion to Carolina football.  I filled out my “Which bowl games” questionnaire from The Rams Club with Chik-fil-A and Charlotte period.  I can imagine no circumstance whatsoever including free tickets, transportation and lodging for which I would go to The Swofford Bowl in Tampa.  I am not opposed to Little Johnny having the stoopid thing.  I am simply not going to support it.  Yes, I WILL likely watch it on my HDTV switching between plays (with the yellow line thing) to other games or CSI-Miami reruns.

I PREDICT the increasing number of HD home theaters will further impact Whozit Bowls between 6-6 teams.  These Weedeater Bowls played in half-filled stadia will draw even more aluminum fans and require even tighter “crowd shots”.

BobLee’s suggestion ….. take those last 10-12 Whozit Bowls and move them all to ideal domed venues like Atlanta, New Orleans, Phoenix in cities equipped to handle tourists.  Play them back-back-back on the same day beginning at 10 AM.  Each school brings its 5,000 hard-core fans but between eight schools you at least fill the lower levels between the 20s.   One $75 ticket gets you 4-5 games.  Such a deal.

The mayor of Hooterville’s daughter, Erlene, can still meet the players as they get off the plane, hand each one a warm-up suit and a cheap watch then sing Flow Gently Sweet Afton while twirling a fire baton as Mayor Daddy scratches himself and mispronounces the coach’s name.  Ahhhh, Meaningless Bowl Season …. Like Groundhog Day.  “A Tradition like no other.”


It’s the BIG TRIANGLE Rivalry Game this weekend.  Every cul-de-sac within 75 miles of the intersection of I-40 and Miami Blvd becomes a DMZ.  Farm Boys visit the Frat Boys.  Dueling sexual preferences ….. The Blue side prefers its own gender …. The Red opts for domesticated farm animals.  Or so they say.

It’s not quite the same intensity since Burly John and Chuckles went by by.  TO’B doesn’t say incredibly dumb pre-game stuff to the media like his predecessor and Butch has never even seen the replay of TA’s knee touching down on the one yard line …. or not.  Butch thinks Miami is “the rivalry game”.

It will be as it always is for the dueling nitwit factions.  Expect “slightly exaggerated” accounts of outlandish rival fan behavior.  Since this year’s game is “amid the pines” there will be no F-bomb Alley to deal with.  The Pureheart Family will be accosted as always.  The Perils of The Purehearts has become a tradition here.

This has been a rough year, as always, for The Purehearts.  Pete got laid off at “the plant” but got a part-time job on the graveyard shift at The Skunkworks to afford to buy four tickets for The Big Game.  His loving wife Pearl sold her hair to buy sackcloth to handsew Little Peggy’s little wuff cheerleader uniform.  Pete Jr shoveled snow to buy a used Russell Wilson jersey at Goodwill.

Saturday morning the family will rise early …. Deliver 200 meals on wheels throughout Johnston County …. Build six duplexes for Habitat …. And pick-up litter along five miles of Route 1010 …. Arriving in Chapel Hill by 10:30 all excited about cheering for their beloved Wolfpack.   Longtime BLSays readers know what fate awaits’em. ….
There is an ominous unmarked van and a ditch along their walking route to Kenan.  There’s always “a ditch”.  Pete is carrying the Pureheart Family Bible and Pearl is wearing Grandmother Prudence’s cameo locket.  Little Peggy in her cheerleader uni and Pete Jr in his Russell Wilson jersey from Goodwill.

The Purehearts walk by the van …. The gang of Tar Heel hoodlums spring out knocking Pete into the ditch, ripping the locket from Pearl, tearing Peggy’s cheerleader uni and spitting all over Pete Jr.’s jersey.  As they tear out the entire Old Testament from the Family Bible they force the Purehearts to sing an obscene version of The Caisson Song and sign an affidavit that “Philip Rivers is a queer”.  

Proving once again that ALL TAR HOLES ARE SORRY NO-ACCOUNT WORTHLESS VERMIN.  One of the hoodlums seemed to be favoring his shin so Pete thinks it mighta been Tyler but he’s not sure.

Next year the Purehearts’ Carolina Cousins will visit The Carter.  An ominous unmarked van is already parked “by a ditch” off Trinity Road.  And, of course, we’ll be there to tell you all about it.

Oh …. The Game!  It should be a humdinger, as always.

Oh again …. one enduring tradition to keep alive – THE TIKI GIRLS.  Gene Galin’s contribution to American Sports.  It’s been what …. 7-8 years?  Gotta wonder what those jiggling vixens are up to these days.  The mind reels!


   The Defunct Weedeater Bowl has come to symbolize the silliness of waaaay too many bowls rewarding mediocrity.  Where was The Infamous Poulan Weedeater Bowl held?   Who would wear a Weedeater Bowl wristwatch???


Paul Rizzo was #2 Honcho at IBM.   He once had an entire closet full of white shirts, dark suits and wing-tips ….. brrrrr. Scary.
Lots of sign-ups to The Cracker Barrel.  For Right-Wing Fanatics ONLY.
Sniff around the new site for new stuff.  Let us know if you have any compu “issues”.

Latest Bond Movie Review ….. AWFUL !!!!  I knew what to expect but I expected dialogue I could hear and at least 30 seconds between inane vehicular chases.  I like Daniel Craig fine ….. but the movie SUX !!!

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