April 18, 2023
Oh Nooooo …Not about Bud Light … Aaaiiieeee !!! Yes Indeedy … This absurdity ain’t over ’til I say it’s over.
Q: You folks do know: Why The Great Bud Light Fiasco was created, don’t you?
A: To get Planet Earth to stop fixating on the LSU “Doin’ My Thang” gal.
As Earth – led by once-great superpower “America” – dumbs itself into oblivion; a rule has been passed that “Incredibly Stoopid Crap” such as “Doin’ My Thang” and now “The Great Bud Light Fiasco” can only dominate the planet’s full attention for One Week or Seven Days which ever comes first.
Like Open Mic Night at a Comedy Club, each Incredibly Stoopid Crap has to give way to the Next Incredibly Stoopid Crap impatiently waiting its turn. It’s only fair. The waiting line of upcoming Incredibly Stoopid Crap is, alas, very very long.
If you think its Incredibly Stoopid NOW … just you wait until the 90 days before the November 2024 Elections … WHOA Nellie!
OK … return with us now to last December when universal good guy and much-beloved NC State “Voice of” Gary Hahn was yanked off the air by his employer Learfield Communications for the dastardly sin of saying “illegal aliens” in a throw away comment about The Sun Bowl. Gary was NOT ranting his political opinion or doing anything but harmlessly filling air during a lull in NC State’s bowl game.
The Learfield “yanker” of Gary Hahn was Chief People & Culture Officer (huh?) – Kristine Schroeder. Hereafter referred to as “Dingbat Karen #1”.
IF Gary’s innocent throwaway phrase merited ANY attention (it did NOT) it would have been a casual post game caution to Gary by his immediate upline to avoid potential “hot button” phrases. …. BUT NO …
“Dingbat Karens” have to do something to justify why they exist these days in corporate America.
“Justifying one’s existence” has long been a 24/7 priority within “corporate America” … and aways will be. A “recent poll” reaffirmed that 78% of “corporate America” is 100% superfluously unnecessary. It was at 72% before “Dingbat Karen” became “a thing” about 8 years ago.
Funk & Wagnall’s defines “Dingbat Karens” as: Universally unattractive, self-righteous, clueless and grossly over-educated biological females hired in totally unnecessary capacities for the sole purpose of filling ridiculous “affirmative action / diversity” quotas established by equally totally unnecessary, clueless government bureaucrats.
Suspending much-beloved Gary Hahn created a 72-hour national kerfluffle creating significant embarrassment for Learfield for it overall absurdity. While NCSU Chancellor and Athletic Director both hid under their desks in the fetal position to avoid the wrath of the Learfield “Karen”.
This incident also sounded an alarm across corporate America of the danger lurking within its management ranks by the mere existence of “Dingbat Karens”. They are ticking time bombs that WILL – Not Might – explode at a most inopportune time.
That alarm, alas, did NOT reach beer behemoth Anheuser Busch’s top management at InBev.
By now 98.72% of Earth’s population is aware of chapter / verse of The Great Bud Light Fiasco (GBLF) which dwarfs Learfield’s by multi-billion $$$. No need to repeat all that here.
What you may not know is the corporate machinations that set the GBLF in motion … … i.e. “the rest of the story”:
Anheuser Busch CEO Brendon “I Am A Patriotic American” Whitworth was updating his Executive Committee on advice he had received from AB / InBev’s Legal Dept.
“Gentlemen, I’ve been advised we HAVE to hire a “Dingbat Karen” to avoid an anal audit of our global beverage behemoth. She has to (1) have some sort of BS title that means absolutely nothing … (2) be unattractive, self-righteous and clueless … (3) waaay over-educated … and (4) stuck somewhere where she can’t do us any harm. Any suggestions?
“Sir“, piped up Whitworth’s factotem Cecil Pinwhistle, “I know a guy at Wharton that might be able to find such a person.”
Great, make it happen Cecil … Now what about our upcoming executive retreat at Monte Carlo. Is the mega yacht rented, one with a heliport …?
A month later … Cecil Pinwhistle reported back to CEO Whitworth.
“Mr Whitworth, we found that “Dingbat Karen” you wanted. Her name is Alissa Gordon Heinerscheid. She has degrees from Harvard and Wharton and ….
“Yeah yeah whatever … but is she unattractive, self-righteous and clueless?”
“Yes sir from all indications she is very much so. Where do you want to put her, Mr Whitworth … HR is where most companies hide their Dingbat Karens?”
No, Cecil, let’s be more creative. Where can we stick her that she can’t screw anything up?
Sir, Bud Light is by far our strongest brand. It’s “a one-car funeral” … nobody could possibly screw up Bud Light. (Uh Oh) We could put her in there and let her spend the next six months designing her business cards and deciding which wall to hang all her diplomas on.
“Great idea, Pinwhistle. Remind me to write your mother a note about what a fine young man you are.
“Thank you sir. I’ll notify HR. One “Dingbat Karen” hired as ordered sir.”
And the rest, as they say, is Corporate Fiasco history.
A “Dingbat Karen” once hired, of course, can never be fired regardless of the extent of their incompetence. Like firing Don Lemon at CNN. Black Gay guys can not be fired either regardless of how much of an insufferable embarrassment they are.
Alas, Brendon Whitworth’s factotem Cecil Pinwhistle being a heterosexual white guy was not so lucky. When the damage from the “Dingbat Karen’s” horrendous screw-up with Bud LIght reached “a billion” … Cecil Pinwhistle was reassigned to muck the Clydesdales’ stall … with a toothbrush. His mother has disowned him.
The enormity of the Bud Light Fiasco notwithstanding … the damage wrought by “Dingbat Karens” to corporate America will only increase. Incredibly STOOPID concepts such as “Dingbat Karens” are waaaay too absurd to not endure.
Harvard and Wharton have both announced the creation of undergraduate and graduate curriculums in “Dingbat Karen” … insuring a steady stream of unattractive, self-righteous, clueless she-nitwits specifically programmed to wreck havoc across American Business.
BobLee has been quite busy over on Facebook. His incredibly insightful FB posts are available RIGHT HERE …
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