Ducks VS Bucks …. and CHIZIK !!

January02/ 2015

HAPPY FREAKIN’ FOOTBALL NEW YEAR!   An Absolutely Amazing Day in College Football.   Both actual games in the CFP Semis were Incredible Football Theater, each in a very different way. PLUS….. in a remote section of America, once known as Tobacco Road, there was a TSUNAMIC KABOOOOM. Lord Knows, at BLSays we LOVE a KABOOOOM!

Trying to describe yesterday is akin to that Okeefeenokee swamp boy who fell into a vat of molasses.  Rolling his eyes heavenward, he simply asked The Good Lord to “give me a mouth to fit the occasion”.

Paraphrasing Larry The Cable Guy; “I don’t care who you are that was GREAT SPORTS THEATER”!

TeamCondi and John Skipper and Larry Culpepper and “Lily” and Mr Mayhem and whoever else conspired to put together the events of January 1, 2015 – SALUTE!   You folks done real good. …… and let’s not forget Gene Chizik’s mamma and Cam Newton’s daddy.

Huh?  Cam Newton’s daddy?  We’ll get to THAT in just a few paragraphs.

The Stage Is Set:  Ducks v Bucks @ JerryWorld!

Sure the Texas “Christians” are still pissed and convinced they deserved to be among the Four but not instead of Urban’sBuckeyes.    Who Knew the Great Pretender would turn out to be Jimbo & Jameis?

Unless you live in Greater Tallahassee, you probably spent much of the three hours of 5-8 PM yesterday coming up with lame jokes involving crab legs, the Tallahassee PD, Criminoles, and “chop THIS, Jameis”.   If you do live in Greater Tallahassee, you are not paranoid after all.   98% of America really does not like you very much.Culpepper

Even Larry Culpepper and Flo were making FSU jokes when the Ducks hit 50.  (Albert, I realize you have no idea who “Larry Culpepper” is.  Just go with it.)

The BFD about the dejected ‘Noles not shaking hands post-game was probably not a BFD but what the heck, let’s kick’em when they are down.   Kick…. Kick …. Kick.

Has anyone ever seen Oregon Coach Mark Helfrich and NASCAR’s Ray Evernham in the same room together?   Twin brothers from different mothers?   Is it true that Mark Helfrich makes less $$$$ at Oregon than Gene Chizik would make at UNC?   Oops, I’m getting ahead of myself.

The charter taking TeamJimbo back to Tally filed their flight plan as “The Trail of Tears”.  That’s an OIJ – Old Indian Joke.

I knew it was gonna be a HUMDINGER Day when I actually liked the Oregon unis.

AND THEN…. it was Urban versus Nick!   WOW!

Blondie asked if I cared who won.  I said not really.  It was two for-real certified Juggernauts slugging it out head-to-head; toe-to-toe.   Both HCs have all the “bona-fide creds” they need to be hated by all them what hates “high achievers”.   Both programs are either loved or hated by most fans for all the goofy reasons most fans love or hate “win-a-lot” football programs.   Wonder who Jim Harbaugh was pulling for?

….. and it came down to a Hail Mary.   Its going to be tuff for Ducks V Bucks to top this one.

Paul Finebaum’s Show on SEC Network will be must-see TV today fer sure.   “Charles From Reeltown” AND “Phyllis” both disappeared into their respective meth labs as the Superdome scoreboard hit 00:00 and have not been seen since.

The neighboring states of Alabama and Mississippi together went 0-4 this week.   There’s a Jerry Clower joke in there somewhere.

A Blow-Out and a Nail-Biter back-to-back. Kudos aplenty to TeamCondi and The CFP Grapevine Gang!   On to Jerry’s World for The Big-Un!

Meanwhile …. along a 26-mile stretch of I-40 known as Tobacco Road, The Great Unpleasantness blew up like Mount St Helen on steroids.  

At 12:47 AM Friday morning I got an email from a Legendary Tar Heel Booster of Mythical Status.   In Vegas, one’s insider status is measured by “did he shake Sinatra’s hand”.   In Chapel Hill, that might be “has he seen Dean barefooted?”   My email was from a Famous Franklin Streeter who, I’m quite certain, “has seen Dean barefooted”.

His email query to me read….. “Have we really vetted this guy?”   He was asking ME?

“This guy” is, of course, Gene Chizik – POSSIBLY The New Defensive Coordinator of the Fighting Fedorians.

I can’t come up with a perfect analogy.  Lets go with – Larry Fedora hiring Gene Chizik would be on a par with Ol’ Roy hiring Jerry Tarkanian.

My reply to his email was ….  Who’s “we” Kemo Sabe?  I’ve got calls-in to Little Carol and Bubba meanwhile we can dismiss any rumor that Carolina will be deemphasizing Football for the foreseeable future.”  Indeed!

At $750,000/year, Gene Chizik would be UNC 4th highest paid guy….. after Roy, Larry and, of course, Ken Wainstein.   UNCHealth’s Bill Roper is probably #3 but nobody reading this knows who Roper is.   Wainstein is waaay funnier.

Ya just know the UNC Faculty folks concerned about over-emphasis on sports is loving that an assistant coach might be making more $$$$ than Little Carol and Joel The Spinmeister COMBINED.  AN ASSISTANT COACH!!  Gene Chizik would make 3X what “that other Gene (Nichol)” makes…. For historical perspective, John Bunting was making “only $600,000” as Head Coach just a few years ago.

Is it true UNC cannot actually Hire Gene Chizik until they actually Fire Jan Boxill?  That could be quite a while apparently.

That whirling sound you hear is Kindly Ol’ Bill Friday aspinning in his grave.
That other sound is TheBlueZoneBunch jumping up and down yelling YIPPPEE!  Bragging Rights ‘R Us!

The loudest sound is … Ye Olde Brickyard over in West Raleigh going absolutely freakin’ BatSh*t Crazy.   ABCers blew out that Wuff Noise-o-meter in Reynolds.

“They” do not fear that Gene Chizik will in any way derail WuffDave’s meteoric rise as an ACC Juggernaut.   Not at all.  Hey, Jon Tenuta was THE Defensive Guru of all gurus and how’d that work out at The Carter.   Smilin’ Jon advised TO’B “better not punt to Gio” and next thing we knew he and TO’B were both up in Hooville.

Its not that Chizik might create an Iron Curtain “amid the pines” at all.   It is that, well Gene has some “baggage” from his last coaching gig.   Gene Chizik would bring more “baggage” than Kim Kardashian needs for a long week-end in Cabo.

Before there was “a Jameis” making headlines in Tally there was “a Cam” making headlines on the plains in Auburn.   SUPPOSEDLY “somebody” slipped Cam’s daddy a big roll o’ Benjamins to come to Jordan-Hare.   If that “somebody” was not UNC’s Latest Possible Hire, it was someone in his inner circle. …… There was a whole lot of other recruiting and eligibility flim flaming going on under Chizik’s Watch at Auburn.  A Whole Lot!!!   Gene, like every Big Time Coach, “didn’t know nuthin’ ’bout nuthin”.   Those Sgt Schultz helmets are de riguer for every Big Time Head Coach these days.

Does Gene Chizik’s application for the UNC gig list John Blake as a character reference?

Hellfire. Chizik hired Trooper Tyler as “his John Blake”.   Trooper Tyler was so dirty his nickname was “Pigpen”.

Anyone who seriously believes Little Carol From Dartmouth has ever heard of Gene Chizik, John Blake, Trooper Tyler or Cam Newton’s daddy probably believes Ken Wainstein’s firm takes Pro Bono cases.

Welcome to Chapel Hill Gene Chizik Maybe.  as Silent Sam shakes his head and mutters Are you people NUTZ?

To my Insider e-mailer….. Did “we” vet this guy?   Apparently “we” did.   “We” asked Governor Martin and he was OK with it.   OUCH!

Gene Chizik would be THE single most controversial hire UNC could possibly make at this specific point in time.
Hark the Sound of soooo much potential column fodder I can’t fit it all in the bed of my F-150.

LIFE is Really Good….  HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!


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