Running the numbers on Barber’s mob

June25/ 2013

I have NOT verified ANY of the following statistical information. It very well may be bogus….. but its 2013 so who da heck knows?

“Some questions” keep arising about the who / how many / whys of Bill Barber’s Mini-Monday-Minority-Majority-Mob. There s a silly rumor that Famous Local-Almost Homeless-Mucho-degreed – Francophile Lee Creighton has been commissioned by RBB to document the FACTS about “da Mob”. Or so they say……

You all know Lee. Lee is The Official Almost-Homeless Go-To Guy of the local mainstream media. WRAL, especially, uses Lee anytime they need a provocative quote about unemploymemt…. or where to find a good croissant near The Louvre.

Lee holds a Guiness record for “most totally useless advanced degrees by a guy named Lee”. He has degrees in subjects so bizarre that “the Dos Equis Man” is afraid to play him on Jeopardy. He can say “Am I intellectual or what” in every Chinese dialect and pig-Latin. He knows stuff about Kierkeegard that Kierk’s mamma doesn’t know. He has memorized “pi” to 5,357 places. (Remember that number). Who better to assemble bon-fides on Barber’s Mini-Multitude?

Lee bills himself as THE #1 Most Over Educated / Unemployable Man on Earth. He has many many months of unemployment benefit checks to prove it. He wants many many more….. for the rest of his life preferably.

A problem has arisen….. The Raleigh LEOs and State Capitol Poo-leece who have provided crowd estimates since Richard Caswell was NC governor say Bill’s bunch this past Monday was “about 1,500”. Bill says it was more like 6,000. YIKES!

WRAL and McClatchey have announced they will gladly quote any thing Bill says because…… well just because. But they want an outside accountant to verify. Enter Lee Creighton – Ace Accountant, dog-walker, unicyclist, and pretty darn good whistler.

NOTE: Lee Creighton has received 368 more favorable mentions on in four days than Thom Tillis, Phil Berger and Pat McCrory combined have received in seven years. Maybe Thom and Phil shoulda traveled to France more often ???

Lee quickly chided Rev Barber for the unpardonable sin of “using a round number”. Never Never Never use a round number divisible by 5 when falsifying an expense report….. or making up crowd estimates. So Lee is saying (taaa daaa) it was 5,357. Bill was so happy with that he gave Lee a nickel. One more and Lee will have two to rub together.

Lee gathered other valuable data while he personally counted (wink, wink) those 5,357 mobbers. Lee learned that:

17 of the 5,357 have valid photo IDs
31 of the 5,357 think they might know someone who once voted for a Republican.
6 of those 31 are DARN SURE they know someone who did……
158 of the 5,357 believe Thom Tillis is The AntiChrist
5,096 have no freakin’ clue who Thom Tillis is
4,752 think Beverly Purdue is married to Brad Pitt…. or Jim Hunt
2,122 can name every produce vendor at the Weaver Street Market
579 believe Janice Joplin is alive and is a life partner of Amelia Earhart.
366 think Gary Coleman lives inside Bill Barber’s coat pocket.
673 of “the assembled clergy” thinks Christmas and Easter are “nothing special”.
24 of the 5,357 can prove they had prom dates.
6 “climbed the rope” in 9th grade PE. Only 2 of 6 can prove it.
757 believe “Joe Biden” is a variety of ficus.
86 believe Pat McCrory, not John Wilkes Booth, shot Abe Lincoln
3 of the 5,357 think Art Pope MIGHT have one redeemable character trait.
2 of those 3 quickly recounted that they were “just kidding”.
The remaining 1 was considered a statistical anomaly.

Next week Ace Accountant (and darn good whistler) Lee Creighton will count how many cracks there are in the sidewalk on Jones Street. Multiply that by Nancy Petty’s shoe size and come up with a crowd estimate for that mob. Bill will then give him that other nickel.

Again…… I have NEVER spoken directly with Lee Creighton. Someone told someone who told someone else they read this on “Binky’s” Facebook page. Binky and I are not “friends”.

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