“We’ll always be friends, but ….”

November14/ 2011

Blondie loves Mad Men – the TV show.  “Mad Men” = The Men of Madison Avenue –  “Madison Avenue” long a synonym for America’s consumer advertising and marketing industry.   Alas, the real Mad Men don’t love Blondie or me or many of you any longer.
The longest running romance in the history of American commerce has dwindled to the trite level of “we’ll always be “friends”, but the passion has left the relationship ……”
And we examine….. Penn State Week Two and the impact of Joe Paterno’s absence on Junior Dos Santos’ UFC victory over Cain Velasquez.

In my recent incredibly insightful commentary on Game Six, I noted:
 “I have come to accept that I do not represent a demographic faction that sports marketers give a hoot about any more. ……. the consumer impact of “people like me” is no longer sufficient for consumer marketers to even have ubiquitous ‘focus groups’ to measure.”

The Baby Boomer Boom has busted.   They Shoot Horses Don’t They.

There was not a single defining moment.  It was more like the growth of hair and fingernails – relentless and unstoppable.  You are doing your daily ablutions and realize you need to clip your nails and/or get a haircut.  You didn’t need to yesterday but you do today – the actual growth over that time was imperceptible.   Yesterday Baby Boomers were the central focus of consumer marketing – Today not nearly so much.  Tomorrow even less so.

That we are simultaneously gaining in our influence in the twin eternities of Heaven & Hell is of small consolation.

Do you like the intro music your favorite team charges onto the field to?  Do you like all the uniform aberrations they are sporting?  Howsabout the choice of hymns at your church or the way other passengers dress on airplanes?  The erosion in value of our opinions to “give a damn” level is incredibly pervasive.

You are indignant.  You write letters to your school’s AD or your minister or principal or newspaper editor decrying some version of the “not like the old days” scenario that especially irks you.   You commiserate with others of like vintage in a weekly gathering at a local diner where there is unanimous agreement that “all these stoopid changes” have ruined sports – fashion – TV – movies – church – blah blah blah to include pretty much every facet of American culture.  You are right of course; but so what?

The recipient of your harangue probably has a system for dealing with your stated concerns.  The mere fact that you chose a “letter” as your medium of expression was the tip-off.  NO ONE under the age of 55 sends letters to anyone about anything.

The addressee then narrows down the content of your “letter” to one of two possibilities – (1) you are p*ssed off about something – (2) you want to revise your will to bequeath something to his/her organization.  With the slimmest of hope for #2 he/she opens your epistle and, alas, gets a dose of #1 – more Baby Boomer opinion anthrax.

I will expound on this subject in greater depth at a future date.   Hopefully not too far in the future as our collective opinion impact diminishes by the hour.


What It Was Was Ultimate Fighting …..

In the “first UFC Heavyweight Title Fight to be televised on prime time TV after Joe Paterno’s firing” ….. Junior Dos Santos beat up Cain Velasquez in 64 seconds.  5.7 million people joined me in watching Junior vanquish Cain.   3.9 million of whom blinked and missed it.  The Kentucky Derby lasts longer than this did.

I “watched” because I was channel surfing with no intended destination and was simply curious.  I can’t speak for my 5.7 million co-viewers.

I recall watching an earlier version of UFC-MMA back in the late 60s at The Pavilion at Atlantic Beach.  Back then it was called “one drunk Marine from Cherry Point in conflict with another drunk Marine from Camp Lejeune over the affections of a young dirty leg of dubious virtue”.  

Those encounters lasted about 64 seconds too.  The background music to those beach versions was usually The Embers playing Louie Louie or Hang On Sloopy.  “Back then” Hip Hop was what bunnies did and Rap was spelled Wrap and was what people did to Christmas presents.

I watched the entire UFC show.   Like tapping the brake to rubberneck at roadkill.  The first 30 minutes were documentaries on the two combatants both of whom grew up in Central/South American barrios – and look exactly alike.   There was the 64 second “fight”.  Then 25 minutes touting how the next UFC prime time title fight would be even more incredible.  Hard to imagine that’s possible ???

The “fight” consisted of Junior landing a right-hand haymaker upside Cain’s left ear then pouncing on him and pummeling him on his head.

If Andy Griffith did a What It Was Was UFC-MMA he would use the terms punching, pummeling and pouncing a lot.

There were a lot of “celebrities” in attendance at this first-ever prime time UFC event.  I had never heard of a single one of them.  I could not help but notice that all the women had a decidedly “dubious virtue” look to them.  Much more dubious than I recall from The Pavilion at Atlantic Beach.

Meanwhile Week Two @ Penn State ……

The Penn State Scandal as a world-class media circus has surpassed the Chilean Miners Disaster – Little Jessica In The Well in Midland Texas – Three Mile Island – The Japanese Earthquake – and The Tucson Shooter.  Duke Lacrosse will fall soon.

The public’s insatiable curiosity is completely understandable.  It is “a thing” that could happen in any community in America and likely IS happening far more than we are willing to believe.  A bucolic college town is as unlikely a location for such a horrific scenario as one could imagine.  That it involves an aged sports icon at the height of “color & pageantry season” adds to the enormity of it all.

I stand by my earlier assertions that – (1) this is not a specific indictment of the multiple eeeevils of BTCFb and – (2) the mainstream media will never mention “the H word” no matter how much darker and more sinister this might develop.   Lets add (3) You did learn from that same media, however, that Joe Paterno has hired a lawyer WHO ONCE REPRESENTED GEORGE H W BUSH !!!!  THAT was important…. according to your local mainstream media.

Was The Second Mile Foundation part of an extensive regional/national network supplying boys to 100s of rich & powerful “Jerry Sanduskys”?  “Rich & Powerful” enough to shutdown any mainstream media investigation?

How many “active” pedophiles are there in America or within six blocks of my house?  I would hope that being Anti-pedophile might be one common bond that bridges America’s ever-widening ideological chasm.   If The Tea Party comes out Anti-pedophile; however, I am sure I will be proven wrong in my hope.

I am adjusting my audio book selections for the time being to Louis L’amour novels of The Old West.  High noon gunfights and Commanche scalping raids seem preferable to modern crime fiction highlighting the wretched depravity of my fellow man.

I’m not trying to escape or deny reality.  I am simply trying to catch my breath.  You might want to try your version of it.


The End Of An AD Era
….. Dickie’s last official act as UNC Athletics Director was asking for Brooklyn Decker’s autograph aboard The USS Carl Vinson.  Brooklyn giggled when Dickie noted that their initials are the same except backwards – BD & DB.  And with that ….one era ends and a new era begins ….. The Cycle of Life – Carolina Style.

The Suspense Is Over – It’s The Boise State Guy
Earlier this morning as Bubba unpacked his duffel in “used to be Dickie’s” office; he noticed an envelope taped to his desk chair addressed to “Dear Mr. Cunningham ….”   The contents of the enclosed letter stated:

Dear “Bubba”:  Since you will be busy getting acclimated to wonderful Chapel Hill et al we have decided to help by resolving one item on your To Do list.  We have already hired UNC’s next football coach – WhatHisName at Boise State.
Our blue ribbon selection committee has been meeting regularly on a cyber park bench in the mythical world of InsideCarolina.  We are all very very Tru-Blue.  One of us actually said Hi to “one of the Kupecs” during Drop-Add back in the 70s.  Another one of us finished 5th in his Fantasy League a year or so ago.  We all worship Eddy Landreth except when we hate him, of course.   Ergo, we are imminently qualified to pick The Next Great Awakener Of The Sleeping Giant.
“The Boise State Guy” is our unanimous choice because he is handsome and “Boise” is a fun word to say.  Don’t you agree?  We are enclosing $12.68 to help towards the $3,000,000/year we have offered “whatshisname” on UNC’s behalf.  Good luck with raising the rest of it.
We are writing this to you on Friday – Nov 11.  If by some impossible circumstance, Boise State should lose to TCU on a last-second FG miss, please disregard this letter.   If that would happen, we will have an emergency meeting to unselect that idiot and select either Les Miles or “the Oklahoma State guy”.
Eight Board Monkeys Named “Heel(Something)”

My Choice Would Be
…… Mike Leach.   That will never happen but he’s my choice any way.  I don’t play in Fantasy Leagues and I haven’t “said hi to a Kupec” in a year or so; so my opinion is without merit.

Duke, State & Wake Come Up Short
….. In a bless their hearts expression of gridiron mediocrity, three out of the four in-state ACC member institutions loaded another L onto their respective ledgers.  To Grobe’s Deacons’ credit, they ALMOST beat a really good Clemson team but didn’t.  State and Duke lost uninspiringly to teams of almost equal mediocrity.
On the positive side. It’s a safe bet that State and Duke fans were not nearly as upset as Saturday turned to Sunday as were Stanford and Boise State fans.  Ahhhh, the emotional safety of low expectations.

Carl Edwards on the brink
…… #99 is ahanging on by a hair to the Sprint Chase Championship.  Carl leads “Smoke” by 3 points with one race to go.   Since no one on God’s Earth knows how NASCAR figures “points” it’s a total crapshoot if Nancy’s boy can win it all at Homestead.  We hope so.

Wide Receivers & Shortstops
…… of all pro athlete positions, I am most consistently amazed at the incredible athletic skills of major league shortstops and NFL wide receivers.  How on earth do they make some of the plays they make?

Objections to My Homosexual Comment
…… I KNEW I was going to draw incoming artillery fire for my “homosexual pedophile” comment.  That was why I made the comment, along with the fact it was true.  I have always allowed dissenting opinions here as long as they are civil and do not reek with board monkey stink.

Tim Tebow Update
….. Tim Tebow won this week narrowing his “magic number” to 157 for # of NFL wins before he stops being a daily pundit punching bag.  Unlike Homosexual Pedophile, the sports media has no problem criticizing a Christian Quarterback.  Think about that one.

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