Coach Basket Turnover ’09

December22/ 2009

.. It’s that time of year when over-caffeinated fans explode over football coaching moves.  Every “sleeping giant” (burp) deserves Urban Meyer or at least Bill Bellichek “because”.  Every AD MUST pay “whatever it takes” to snare the current guru de jour.   Agents finagle with Headhunters as prima donna coaches “lie to dem boys” ….. and BobLee’s obligatory Tiger update.

I often (!!) toss in the phrase “he lied to dem boys” assuming all of you know the genus of that plaintive yelp.  Actually it has been muttered thru the pointy teeth of many many goggle-eyed loons over the decades all across the NCAA plain.  Pretty much every time Coach A leaves School B for School C, he performs the rite of passage of “lying to dem boys”.  One always says “I’m not leaving” within 24 hours of leaving.  It’s the dreaded “vote of confidence” from a coach to his current employer.

Mack Brown is the most infamous “liar to dem boys” among Tar Heel fans, which is a bit odd considering that current Coach For Life Or Until He Leaves Butch Davis “lied to dem boys” in Coral Gables as he packed up for Cleveland.  Heck, Butch even “lied to dem recruits” within 24 hours of telling the Cleveand media how gosh darn dee-lighted was to be the new coach of the Browns.

Tommy Tuberville said he planned to die in Oxford. Mississippi.  He was soooo happy as coach of the Rebels.  Ol’ Miss fans would have gladly obliged Tommy 24 hours later when he was introduced as the new coach at Auburn.

There have been/will be countless other examples of “lying’ to dem boys”.   Those overly-caffeinated goggle-eyed fans of all those “sleepin’ giants” will never “get it” because fans don’t have to “get it”.  Opinion without consequences is the lunatic fringer’s divine right.  If Freddie Fan truly believes coaching his Hoboken A&M Fighting Ferrets should be every coach’s “dream job”, so be it.

Coaches use “coachspeak” to cover their covert negotiations.  That’s why it’s called “coachspeak”, silly.   If you are upfront and admit you are actually considering the unbelievably excessive offer from the other “sleeping giant” school then your current loyal fans immediately despise you with the intensity of 1,000 suns and opposing rival coaches send e-blasts to every recruit within three states that you are a no-account dirty bird.  Who needs THAT?

Pity the poor AD ….. he’s got to pay a headhunter’s commission the equivalent of two deans and a provost to cover his butt if the new hire is NOT Nick Saban or Urban Meyer.   Odds are the new hire won’t be.  Hollywood honeymoons and new coach honeymoons both only last until the first “three & out”.

 Memo To Coach-hunting ADs …… hiring a coach with some legitimate experience as a head coach even at a “small school” is ALWAYS a safer bet for a “sleeping giant” than gambling on a hot-shot “coordinator”.  X & Os are X & Os.  Being an executive peer manager and CEO of a major college football program is tougher than playing Madden 2009 or winning the fantasy league in a corporate prairie dog village.  Really, it is!    Study the resumes of Urban, Mack, Nick, Grobe, Holtz, Kelly, Tressel, etc.  DUH!

Mack Trivia:  Mack left UNC in 1997 for Texas’ offer of $750,000/year.  Earlier today, Texas gave Mack a raise to $5,000,000/year thru 2016.  I ain’t “lying’!  Mighty Fine Mack …. Mighty Fine!


Congrats to TeamButch for its annual Meineke Bowl bid.  Carolina beats Big East teams in the Meineke Bowl as often as Butch beats TO’B.   Hopefully this 3rd  time will be more of a charm than that 3rd try at beating TO’B was.  Butch will be pitted against his ol’ Cowboys staffmate Dave Wannstadt (that TO’B defeated earlier this year!).  Speaking of bowls, the Wuffs had theirs two weeks ago. but don’t dispair Wuffs ….. “Sidney has a great recruiting class coming in NEXT YEAR !”  (doesn’t he always?)

My love affair with my 42” HDTV is well beyond the good night kiss stage, so I’m passing on this year’s trip down I-85 but I’ll tune in for sure from the friendly confines of my “home theater”.

Congrats aplenty to Sandra Bullock’s alma mater down in Pitt County.  Lou’s boy just keeps on winning and hasn’t had to “lie to dem purple-clad boys” ….. Yet!   But he will someday.  Count on it.


News From The SEC:  UT’s Lane Kiffen (aka “Eddie Haskell of the SEC”) has been caught offering home delivery of coed hostesses to prospective recruits.  Score a point for “creativity” but GOOD LORD !!!


The Obligatory Tiger Comments:  As you try to wrap your mind around the whole Tiger Thing, don’t think for a nano-second that his carnal malfeasances were a total shock to everyone.   The PGA Tour, his fellow PGA players, the Nike guys, the IMG guys and most, if not all, of his sponsors knew Tiger was NOT “as portrayed by a compliant media”.   Maybe Elin didn’t know; but a LOT of folks did.  By “lot” I’m not meaning the “lot of bimbos” that are emerging.

Tiger’s issues extend well beyond “a zipper problem”.  You saw what his handlers wanted you to see …. until ten days ago.  “They” did not want you to see THAT.  You can believe that in a corner office in Beaverton Oregon Mother Knight’s boy Phil hurled an obscenity and likely broke something when the assistant who drew the short straw had to tell him “Mr. Knight, there seems to be a problem in Isleworth …..”

“Tiger Woods” the mega-celebrity was manufactured by Earl Woods, Phil Knight, IMG, by a sycophantic media obsessed with the politically correct dream of “a handsome young black guy that beats white men at their own sport” and eagerly embraced by you and me.

Admit it ….. you liked Tiger A LOT.  He can do something most of you try to do but he does it soooo much better and I’m not talking about juggling bimbos.   He plays golf incredibly well.   A closet full of green jackets and a bed full of Swedish nanny ….. not a bad life, huh?

Tiger’s ascension to our pantheon of sports icons overlapped nicely with Michael Jordan’s series of retirements.  You marveled at Michael’s superhuman feats but never imagined yourself doing them.  But “that dream round of golf” lurks deep within every duffer.  An extra bucket o’ balls at the range coupled with that latest Biggest Bertha and you just might “be like Tiger”.

There IS considerably more to be revealed in the peeling of the onion known as Eldrick.   Did you think he got those biceps, shoulders, et al by drinking milk, eating broccoli and a Chuck Norris’ Total Gym?  You have no problem assuming every other sports icon of the past 15 years was artificially enhanced but NOT TIGER.  Right?  Trust BobLee.  Ya need to rethink that.

Most Credible Endorser Poll released Wed had Tiger falling from #6 to #24.  #23 is that guy that plays “Randy” in My Name Is Earl.

How much does PGA Commish Tim Finchem know?  If your multi-bazillion $$$$ operation depended upon the well-manicured image of one fist-pumpin’ guy in a red shirt, how much would you WANT to know?  Plausible deniability is everything, right Tim?

 How much does Nike’s Phil Knight know? ….. Hint:  Phil Knight knows a LOT and has from Day One.

How much does George Soros and a small core of “sponsors” know about another carefully manufactured image being protected by a compliant media ?   …. Huuuummmm ???    Hint:  George knows a LOT and has from Day One.

Who’d athunk it ???  It’s December 2009.  There are more black head FB coaches in BCS conferences than there are black girls on Tiger’s scorecard.  …. 5 to 0.

PGA Commish Tim Finchem is invoking The Tour’s version of the NFL’s “Rooney Rule” ….. The next time Tiger feels like having sex he has to invite at least one black girl to dinner and a movie.


 As for Phil Knight ….. Nike has made many mega bucks marketing Michael and Marian Jones.  Both superstars were revealed to be lacking somewhat in the “admirable character” category.   Phil Knight’s shoes are made by third-world peasants and marketed via carefully manufactured images.  When those images are shattered he does not apologize.  He just manufactures a new image.

Phil will “Just Do It” ….. “as all of Phil Knight’s horses and all of Phil Knight’s ad men try to put Tiger back together again ….”


Word outta Tallyhassy says immediately after The Gator Bowl, there will be no coach named Amato on the FSU staff.  Worry not as the chesty fellow will have a new gig “Driving Mr Bobby” to Bobby-LuvFests all across the Florida Panhandle.

In The Heisman Vote, I’d vote for Toby Gerhart; but the Alabama guy will likely win.  In the Tiger Bimbo Vote I’m partial to the 2nd British Porn Star (see pic). The pancake waitress “with breasts too small for Playboy” wins the erotic interview competition however.

Yes, that zinger about The Rooney Rule WILL circle the globe twice before midnight.  If I got a $1 everytime THAT ONE gets repeated I could buy a mansion at Isleworth AND an Escalade.   As always my friends ….. LIFE IS GOOD ! 

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