…. Just Roy Being Roy?

December16/ 2009

… You know your goofy Uncle Max that insists on taking out his glass eye and setting it on the kitchen counter?  You know silly Aunt Rose that does her version of Meg Ryan’s orgasm from When Harry Met Sally at every family get together?  Are your eccentric relatives in the Basketball Hall of Fame?  Ol’ Roy2Rings is …..

Ol’ Roy & The Heckler ….. You, your cable guy and those 8,000,000,000 apathetic Chinese have heard about “Roy & The Heckler”.  At a recent “pad the Win column game” with Presbyterian; a (the) Presbyterian fan on-site expressed his desire that Deon Thompson miss a free throw.  He didn’t do so obscenely, he just did so.  Roy immediately engaged him in a heated conversation (how come Roy?) and had Dean Dome Security toss the rival fan from the building.   Kind of a heavy-handed solution to a non-issue?  Well, yeah ….. so?

NOTE:  When told the heckler was “a Presbyterian”, resident UNC God-hater extraordinaire Bart Ehrman noted “…. typical terrorist behavior from those deranged fanatics”.  A bolt of lightning short-circuiting the Morehead Zeiss Instrumemt was said to be “coincidental” to Bart’s latest sacrilege.  OK, not really.

It being the friendly confines of Dean’s Dome Roy coulda pulled out a Walther PPK and popped a cap ‘tween the eyes of the harmless malfactor to the raucous cheers of the minions present.  At least Roy didn’t do THAT.

A dim-witted media and dim-witted ABCers immediately lit into Ol’ Huckleberry as to “how come you did that Roy?”  assuming that Roy has a reason for “being Roy”.   Roy, of course, never has a valid reason for “just being Roy”.  He gets frustrated trying to explain “why is water wet?” prompting even more psychological dissection.

“Explaining Roy” is the #1 job of Associate AD For Explaining Roy – Steve Kirschner.  Rather than the standard “it’s a Duke and State conspiracy”, Kirschy might go with maybe a headline story on TarHeelBlue.com – “Roy Admits He Really Really Does NOT Like “The Media” Or ANYONE Questioning Anything He Does”.  That would be refreshingly candid!  Huh?

Roy2Rings is a fascinating public celebrity.  He is every bit the mega-successful program micro-manager as was his legendary mentor …. but Roy’s motherboard definitely has a coupla  loose connections.  Not enough to cause any real short-circuiting but enough to generate a “how come Roy did that?” every year or so.   Remember “the Jayhawk sticker”?  Remember the “inadvertent F-bomb”?  Remember his “potty interview” with Bonnie Bernstein?  Sure you do.

Roy never plans his “Fire – Ready -Aims”  There is very little premeditation about Roy other than the lock-down discipline he runs his program by.

UNC-haters will gnaw on this latest Roy gristle for 4-5 years and especially when he visits their building.  That’s what ABCers do.  “They” are MUCH more predictable in their reactions than Ol’ Roy ever is in his actions.

   Is “2Rings” on painkillers from the shoulder surgery?  Those plus his vertigo meds???? ….Hey, I’m just asking.

If these “psycho misfires” get too frequent it could be his way of telling Wanda it’s time to just move to Wild Dunes and carve duck decoys full-time.   We’ll monitor that situation for you here.


Holiday Hairball Reminder !!! ….. with “Winter Holiday” Parties abounding, be aware of those Holiday Hairballs (formerly known as Holiday Jackasses).  If you are accosted by one of these pitiful pointy-teethed creatures determined to assault your socio-cultural ideological convictions on neutral territory, the “carving fork stab” solution is really not an option.

The spilled drink down the front of the Hairball’s shirt/blouse will work.  Use a faux “oops” and make a half-hearted attempt to sop it up using a piece of rumaki during which you stab them in the sternum with the toothpick.  No jury in the land will convict you.  Use the “BobLee said so” defense.


Ol’ Roy & John Wall ….. John Wall has emerged as the #1 Sportscenter Poster Boy for College Basketball this year.  EVERY game Kentucky plays will be trumpeted by ESPN with a least one John Wall Hi-Lite.   EVERY time that happens, somewhere in Carolina Board MonkeyWorld some “cbm” will question Roy2Rings for not recruiting Wall more aggressively.  That trite scenario is a given.

I, and Tar Heel rank/file, appreciate Roy for two reasons ….. (1) his goofy “how come Roys?” as described above ….. and (2) the solid foundation upon which he manages his program.  Roy recruits to a character-type relative to the reality of our times.  It’s 2009, not 1985.  Roy deals with a different reality than did Dean.

Roy does not deal with street agents and “AAU uncles” PERIOD.  John Calipari does.  Rick Pitino does.  Mike Krzyzewski and Jim Calhoun do “sometimes”.  Roy also does not use timeouts to stop an opponents “run”.   Both of these “Roy does nots” baffle and befuddle some UNC fans.  Roy winning two rings and 600+ games does NOT befuddle them.  They do like THAT about Roy.

It could be argued that John Wall represented no more of a “character risk” than did Rasheed Wallace, Jeff McGuiness, Nakhtar Ndjiae (Sp?), or Rashad McCants and that is a valid argument.  I support Roy in not recruiting John Wall or “the next” John Wall or Michael Beasley.  I support Roy pretty much all the time even when he does “how come?” stuff.

Hey BobLee …. how come you’re always cutting Roy slack but slamming Butch?  Fair Question.  Roy knows (and cares) that Tar Heels is two words.  Butch doesn’t.  Does Roy have a screw loose?  Probably.  Is that a crime?  R U kidding?  In Chapel Hill it’s a requirement for residency.


   “The U” – an ESPN 30 for 30 documentary on the “rape & pillage years” of the U of Miami Football program is a scary “could be” of how out-of-control college FB almost was and could easily become.  Watch it and take a deep breath!


A  “Tiger” story ….. no, not THAT Tiger.   This past weekend two Missouri Tiger girls’ basketball Amazons beat up a male Mizzou cheerleader in a brawl precipitated by a “too loud party” by the Tigerette hoopsters celebrating a win.  None of the gals was from Sweden or worked as a VIP club hostess ….. that we know of.  The already shaky reputation of male cheerleaders took a shot though.


Liquor in Kenan Stadium ….. If, and it’s more likely “when”, the ButchWants Suites are built in NewKenan, they will include some sort of alcoholic beverage service for those with access to that VIP area.  That issue of “alcohol for the hoity toity” has generated consternation among “the hoi polloi”.

The goggle-eyed, spittle-spewing loonie “real fans” (cough, wink, snort) are ginning up for a “storm the bastille” protest if “liquor for the Kenan VIPs” becomes available without there being “likker for loonies” too.

 NOTE:  A six-pak of beer lasts me at least a year, although Missus does consume enuff vino to keep Napa Valley profitable.  My opinion on “the availability of alcohol” is as relevant as my opinion on whether lesbians should be allowed to wear culottes to church.

People choosing to spend their discretionary monies on upscale products or privileges deserve to enjoy those products and privileges they choose to pay for.  Alcoholic beverages in a VIP area fall into that category.  I never avail myself of concessions in Kenan other than a funnel cake at the Sept ’08 McNeese State game.  If “they” shut down all concessions at Kenan I’m OK with it.  That’s not going to happen. …..

Any issue no matter how silly and trivial, that really really causes UNC loons’ heads to spin and Carolina blue pea soup to vomit from their tortured throats is a good thing.  If it ain’t “likker for the loons” it’ll be something else.  It always is.


Brian Kelly LIED TO DEM BEARCATS.  Yeeeee Ha …. did you see/read dem Cincinnatti Bearcat players and fans rippin’ Brian Kelly a new one for lyin’ to dem boys?  Did you just smile cause you knew Ol’ BobLee was right again.


Mack’s Big Raise …..  You read here and elsewhere that Mack Brown received a raise last week making him, temporarily, the highest paid college football coach in America.  The question was posed to me whether that ONE SECOND LEFT that enabled Texas to kick a winning field to defeat Nebraska was “a $5,000,000 second”.  

Last year, one second versus Texas Tech costs Mack any chance at a National Championship.  This year “one second” allowed him to win the Big Xll and play for a NC.  BobLeeSays ….. if Mack had not beat Nebraska, that raise woulda never happened.   At the pinnacle of the Big Time College Sports Pyramid …. There is NO margin of error.  “Winners get mega-raises ….. and Losers say “deal”.


Carl Torbush to Kansas ….. The Chapel Hill to Lawrence Connection continues as Carl Torbush is named Defensive Coordinator for new Jayhawk football coach Turner Gill.   NASCarl spent this past season at Mississippi State but now returns to the BIg Xll (he spent time at aTm as DC for Dennis Franchione.)   Carl Torbush has proven to be a fine DC and is “a high character guy”.  We wish him well.


Kourtney Kardashian has a baby boy.  Potential names for the newest member of America’s most dysfuntional Kfamily are KEldrick, KBarack, KPeyton, KA-Rod, KPuff, K60 Cent, or NotSure Jr (after his dad “Not Sure” Sr).


Burl is Up …..  Burl is up down the street.  “Burl” is an 8’ inflatable snowman designed after the snowman in the animated Rudolph show with Burl Ives’ voice.  “Burl” has been one of our Christmas traditions for over a decade.

I decided to stop and tell this anonymous neighbor how much our family appreciated “Burl” each year.  I had already texted Kid “Burl is up”.   Her reply – “Yipeee, Christmas is here!”.  An imperfect stranger stopping to tell you he and his family appreciate your “holiday yard art” can be disconcerting.  I sensed it was to this guy in this instance.   Oh well …..

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