September22/ 2011

I told you there would probably be something to discuss in today’s Rimshots.  There is!

UNC Penalizes Itself
…… by bulldozing to smithereens the entire campus, Franklin Street AND Meadowmont.  All living alumni will be required to (1) shave their heads and (2) cut off one thumb.  –  The NC State Society for Rival Justice Denied immediately declared the fix is in AGAIN and lynched an effigy of former N&O Editor Claude Sitton just because. …… OK, I’m kidding.  The thumb part is optional.
Does firing (1) Sgt Schultz & (2) Black Santa and (3) making Dickie go away not count?

Re: UNC’s Penance Announcement
….. UNC’s much ballyhooed announcement that it will “say three Hail Marys and light two candles” in atonement for all that yucky stuff that Butch didn’t know anything about did not quite reach the level of calling Suicide Hotline.
The part about Uncle Julius being forced to kiss Silent Sam on the lips at noon on MLK’s birthday was deleted in the final draft.

In addition to forfeiting past Wins
…… UNC agreed to not sell any Michael Jordan “Jumpman” baggy shorts in the campus bookstore on alternate Thursdays.   For some reason the forfeiting Ws over the past few years thingy did not impress Wolfpack fans.  Gee, I wonder why?
UNC did sort of acknowledge that TA’s knee “might not have touched” the Kenan turf on the one yard line.  And has agreed to demand Jim Knight give back the bribe $$$.
BOT Barbare Rosser-Hyde (“Is it hurting recruiting”) has offered to forego her weekly mani-pedis if it will help.

Jim Boeheim honored by Greensboro C of C
….. Jimmy’s B landed a haymaker on Greensboro by saying “New York City is probably a more happnin’ kinda place with better pastrami sandwiches than G-boro.”  The half-life of Jim’s casual remark is estimated to be between 40 and 50 years.

Brad Pitt’s New Movie
….. Moneyball starts this week.  BobLee intends to see it.  Recommends you consider seeing it too.

Big 12/10/9 News
…… Latest decisions by Texas & Oklahoma to stay in The Big 12 (subject to Commish Don Beebe diving into a wood chipper) is, of course, linked to a global conspiracy to keep ECU out of The Not-Very Big East.  

Castle’s New Season began this week
….. Beckett’s precinct has a new Head Cop – a no-nonsense black woman with an attitude.  Does EVERY police precinct on TV have “a no-nonsense black woman with an attitude” as its Chief?  Or just Glades, Memphis Beat and now Castle.    Which is three more than exists in real life.
Whats next – a black field goal kicker on Necessary Roughness?
UNC’s AfrAmer Studies Dept announces a new course – History of Sassy Police Precinct Chiefs On TV 101.

UNC AD Update
…… Vegas odds on Eric Hyman getting the UNC AD gig took a hit this week.  The front-runner since 30 seconds after Dickie’s tearful resignation, Eric now has his very own NCAA goon squad on the South Carolina campus – a little matter of $40,000 worth of free hotel rooms to Spurrier’s boys.  Uh oh!
Would UNC risk more public ridicule by picking a freshly flawed candidate with “baggage”?  Would UNC ever do anything that totally defies logic? ….. OK, don’t answer that one.

Where was Butchie?
….. Conflicting reports on Butchie’s whereabouts last Saturday.  Was he spied cozying up with oil transport tycoon Don Stallings AGAIN.  (Recall Cameron Diaz feeding popcorn to A-Rod at the Super Bowl) OR was Butchie and son Drew on an unofficial recruiting visit to Wake Forest?  Reliable sources are in conflict.

Speaking of Butchie and his Tycoon Buddy
….. UNC’s much-maligned lame duck AD – Prince Tassel Loafer – was asked about Butchie’s appearance at Kenan on game Saturdays.  Striking his classic “Alfred E. Neuman caught in the headlights” pose, Dickie said with attendance well below sell-out levels, he welcomed any warm bodies even those that totally embarrassed The Flagship.  If embarrassing The Flagship kept one out of Kenan, neither Dickie, Uncle Julius, Gene Nichol nor Bart Ehrmann could get in.
Dickie did admit that he has never been invited to oil transport tycoon Don Stallings’ suite but he hears it’s really cool.

A BobLee Bucket List
….. One of my personal bucket list items is “meet every living Rockingham Rocket that played football for Coach Bill Eutsler”.   Tuesday night I met Settle Dockery’s wife – that’s half a point.

N&O’s Crackerjack Reporter
….. Rob Christensen attempted to kibosh Rick Perry’s Presidential bid by noting Perry does not like Eastern NC barbecue.  When asked if famed videographer vamp Reille Hunter likes vinegar-based sauce on her pig – the intrepid political hack replied – “Reille Who?”

Why Not West Virginia
….. For anyone wondering “why not West Virginia” in The ACC?  Morgantown Community College & Penal Farm is NOT a member of AAU – American Association of Universities.  No, not that crooked summer basketball scam.  This AAU is some hoity toity academic club that measures institutions by (1) number of card-carrying commies on the faculty and (2) how many different sexual orientations on campus on any given day – minimum number required for the latter for AAU membership is 9. …..
Meanwhile, Rutgers’ application for ACC membership is in question.  No one in John Swofford’s office can correctly spell – Piscataway.

Later dudes ……

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