. BobLee recently chaired a consortium of the surviving relatives of “the Original Munchkins” to discuss the fate of Western Civilization …. AND how Butch Davis is doing in recruiting…. A rapid-fire Q&A session highlighted the final day’s proceedings. …. Hey BobLee, what’s up with Clueless Moe? Did Scooter ever date Fawn Hall? …. and other human oddities..
Good morning one and all. Welcome to this special opportunity to resolve at least for today the major “What Abouts” on the minds of most enlightened BL Says readers. We will take your questions based on ascending order of your ability to imitate Elizabeth Edwards singing Wabash Cannonball. ….. Fire Away ….
Hey BobLee …. What about: ClueLess Moe ?
Ah yes …. The once prominent Chancellor Duffus of UNC. “Moe” is still around but noticeably less prominently embarrassing SINCE ERSKINE TOOK OVER AS UNC PREZ. You do the math. Our pal Ersky slapped a gag order on Ye Olde Organ-playing Loon and his ridiculous South Bldg edicts magically stopped. …. Cut off Moe’s access to votive candles and how much harm can he do? Erskine assigned him the task of naming all the squirrels in McCorkle Place. When he’s finished with that he will quietly retire and become a busboy on the lunch shift at Mamma Dip’s.
Hey BobLee …. What about: Butch’s Recruiting for ’08 ?
Now there is really something to fret about (NOT!) and I intend to once I compile a list of likely candidates for President Dennis Kucinich’s first cabinet. Butch Davis does not know much about internal combustion engines or the use of iambic pentameter in Clive Cussler’s novels ….. but Butch Davis knows recruiting! …. Maybe not as much as Shineolas R Us but then who does? Butch, Blake and The Boyz recruit differently than most folks. They are going for “lunker bass” not crappies. Come next February, you will be able to gloat at the water cooler. ….. Follow Up Question: But what about TO’B’s “fast start”? TO’B knows what he’s doing too and will recruit very well. Both programs are quickly taking on “new and improved looks” from their past Keystone Kops regimes.
Hey BobLee …. What about: George Will’s column ?
Excellent question! The George Will Gambit. Question ANY arrogantly self-righteous newspaper executive in America about his/her paper’s “bias” and he/she will immediately play “the George Will card”. They teach this technique in an on-line seminar at Phoenix University often combined with the “and Charles Krauthammer too” double twin-spin.
In their arrogantly self-righteous minds “carrying George Will and Charles Krauthammer” on their op-ed pages allows them to manipulate headlines, story selection and placement throughout the rest of their paper in accord with their egalitarian snoot agenda. No one but geeks, nerds and their own op/ed staff bother to read the op/ed pages. Plan B if “We carry George Will” doesn’t work too well is “we carry NASCAR race results“. ??????? Gotta luv’em!
Anyone who goes to the op/ed page of any paper already has their opinion made up and is looking to be reaffirmed or to get really pissed off at the totally predictable views of the paper’s self-righteous screamin’ uber-libs. …. Or, in the case of “99% of LTTE writers from Chapel Hill” to condemn Rick Martinez to eternal damnation.
Want to measure a paper’s bias …. Check #1 what’s “above-the-fold”, …. #2 the choice of headline verbs, …. #3 what topics always seem “important” relative to their placement. …. Or #4 how quickly they blurt out “George Will” when cornered. …… and #5 the bumperstickers on the Prius’ in the arrogant self-righteous junior journalists’ parking compound.
Wow, BobLee this is mind blowing eye-opening stuff. Yeah, I know.
Hey BobLee …. What about: The latest Do-Rag Caucus scandal ?
“Latest”? Has there been another one in the past five minutes? If you are referring to their college scholarship scam from last week, are you really surprised at anything these “dumb as a chitlin” thieves are getting away with? Don’t be.
Real quick …. During Jim The Weasel’s Reign of Corruption, in exchange for giving Jimbo their vote proxy “in perpetuity”, he allowed them to loot and plunder all they wanted from the taxpayer trough. …. after Jim The Weasel had his own pockets full of course. The codename was Kunta Kinte Reparations Project.
The NC General Assembly is dirtier than a dumpster at a rendering plant. The Do-Rag Caucus is that really gross stoopid stuff stuck to the bottom.
North Carolina’s Do-Raggers could learn some new techniques from William Jefferson and his “cold cash” scam down in Louisiana. Gotta luv that one.
All the Do-Rag scams (and there are lots more!) have been going full-speed for years. When “a local paper” crows that “it broke the story” you need to realize that it sat on the story for several years. ……. But …. They carry George Will’s column.
Hey BobLee …. What about Scooter Libby ?
Gawd Luv him …. Scooter is guilty of two deadly sins …. #1 He was linkable to Dick The Devil Cheney …. And #2 His name is Scooter. Try this experiment. Put on a HazMat suit and go over to Franklin Street. Stop a dozen mangy unwashed UNC faculty squirrels and ask them “What exactly did Scooter Libby supposedly do?” Their answers will range from “probably shot JR” to “not sure but I think it had something to do with the polar ice cap”.
Even the most frenetic Elizabeth Edwards’ Spouse supporter has no clue. Which goes without saying but specifically about “whatever Scooter did”.
Ask “who is Valerie Phlame?” The most popular answer will be “wasn’t she one of the two-bit ho’s in the Duke Lacrosse case?”
Rule #17 if considering a career in politics …. Never take a job in a lame duck administration. Rule #17B …. Never have a name that SCREAMS “Rich White Frat Boy”.
What is “396”? No, its not Chris Washburn’s SAT score. That was 475. 396 is the number of pardons that Bill The Impaler sold to campaigner donors, pimps, Chi-comm double agents, bimbos, and Arkansas cronies. None of whom however named “Scooter”.
How does “whatever Scooter supposedly did” compare to Sandy The Burglar stealing and destroying classified documents? Good question …. ask your local George Will carrying newspaper.
Hey BobLee …. When did you realize that Dubyah wasn’t Mount Rushmore material ?
The day he invited Teddy Kennedy to the White House back in 2000. That visual was even yuckier than Monica crawling around the Oval Office on her hands and knees.
Would you ever vote for him again? No. If my choices were Algore The Fool or Kerry The Fop or “Dubyah”, I’d write in Nicolae Carpathia and move to New Zealand.
Which current Repub candidate appeals to you? Mike Huckabee. YIKES, really ? Why? If you say “President Huckabee” it tickles the roof of your mouth. I suppose you have a better “litmus test” huh?
In retrospect do you agree with “the War in Iraq”? No, in retrospect I think we should have traded Saddam his oil fields in exchange for New Orleans. Saddam Hussein, George Shinn and Mayor Nagin were meant for each other.
What will be the next terrorist attack “on American soil”? The November 2008 Election. Whose fault will it be? George Bush, Mike Nifong and PacMan Jones.
Hey BobLee …. NFL Football failed in Europe, will soccer ever succeed as a spectator sport in America ?
Yes. When? When the non-English speaking illegal aliens in the lower 48 reach 73% of the total population …. or a week from Thursday. Whichever comes first.
Hey BobLee …. How do you stay so incredibly up-beat in the midst of global chaos and the total loss of civility on this planet ?
John 3:16 ….. Talk Radio …. The Serenity Prayer …. And by focusing on Barry Bonds’ assault on Aaron’s record. Pretty much in that order.
Hey BobLee …. What can we expect from BobLee Says in the coming year ?
#1: I “might” take a few shots at Shineolas.
#2: I “might” find something amusing about Elizabeth Edwards’ being THE FIRST cancer victim (cough cough) to exhibit ZERO physical effects from chemo. WHATTA GAL!
#3: I “might” start “carrying George Will’s column” on this website so no one can say I’m biased.
AND …. #4: I “might” let you see my JUST RECEIVED “personally autographed” picture of Emily Proctor aka “Calleigh ‘The Bullet Girl’ Duquesne” from CSI-Miami. To BobLee …. With Love “Calleigh”. TRUE STORY! Got it right here.
Life, if you don’t take it too seriously, Is Indeed Good!
Who was Rudd Weatherwax ?
(clue to be found elsewhere in this column)
Based on the incredible response to Mizzus’ 4th of July WHY I LOVE AMERICA essay, she has jumped ahead of Betsy Ross, Barbara Fritchie, Rosie The Riveter and Pocahontas in the most recent Baskins-Robbins Poll of Most Admired Non-Men In American History. She only trails Lassie and “that little girl in the Shake & Bake commercial (“…. and I helped!”)”.
Fort McHenry was where “we watched the ramparts so gallantly streaming”.
What about Algore’s son being arrested AGAIN for speeding 100 mph and having enough illegal drugs to open his own WWE franchise? Algore has been his father for 25 years …. he’s suffered enough. DID YOU SEE ….. Meredith Vieira interviewed Algore Thurs AM on TODAY. In the middle of the interview ELIZABETH CALLED IN. She demanded that Al stop talking about his stoopid concerts and TALK ABOUT HER “long list of gallant struggles”. Meredith reminded viewers that at a recent party “in the Hamptons” she saw someone who looked like George Will …. but it wasn’t him.