Glue Sniffing Is Bad For You

January21/ 2000

…. Can’t any one say I’m not “a quick study” no sirree boblee. …. It’s only taken me half a dozen decades to learn what is worth spending time doing and what just is not. …. Many of you “got me” by a few sunrise/ sunsets but for those of you still confused by it all, BobLee takes a few minutes to whittle down your worth-doing list for you. …. “Try to teach a pig to sing” does not even make our top ten.

Before I get all reved up …. Had lunch this week at Brixx in Meadowmont across from The Friday Center in Chapel Hill.  Delightful time w/ “The Bomars” but I digress.  I like to go to Meadowmont because it is such a controversial development.  Any place that the local beady-eyed bunch hates so intently gets my full support.  Anyway ….. I was early so did a bit of people watching ….. GOOD GRIEF!  In walked a pair of “REALLY UGLY OL’ HIPPIE WIMMEN”.  

If Janis Joplin had lived to be 70, this is what she’da looked like.  (Janis won’t exactly a hottie at 20!).  Spend 60+ years eschewing cosmetics and doing every thing possible to make oneself butt ugly and chances are you will succeed.  These two had.

I figured these two hags have spent most of their last 45 years hanging out in front of the Franklin Street Post Office trying to bum cigs off of the homeless Viet Nam vets with severe mental issues.

Since I was there to eat, I moved so my back was to the incredibly scary ugly hippie wimmen.  Really folks …. A pair of “three-baggers”. ….. now, where was I ?


   Oh … Oh …. I have finally learned “What Scooter Did”.  That low down Cheney loving scoundrel tore the tag off the mattress in The Lincoln Bedroom.  The mattress was the only piece of furniture still in TLB since “the prior administration” had swiped everything else for Chappaqua.  Nevertheless “Scooter” was caught tag in hand by Ms Laura.  His story that he was on a scavenger hunt sponsored by his Wednesday Night Mens Bible Study did not fly.  Hangin’ is too good for him!


    Do all of you realize that “sniffing glue” is a dangerously addictive habit?  Do you know better than to play around with methamphetamine?  Do you run in the dark with a pair of scissors in your hand?  If you answered “yes” “yes” and “no” to the above then lets get to the really dangerous habits.

Do you still engage in political debate with people whose friendship matters to you in the least?  ….. WHY?

Do you really expect that you might somehow make such a profoundly compelling point that they will stare at you mouth agape and admit “Wow.  I never realized that.  You win. How could I have been so naïve?”   The last known occurrence of such a scenario involved a deaf Whig and a blind Tory in a tavern on the Natchez Trace.

It was impossible enough to beat dead political horses in face-to-face encounters.  Doing it “over-the-Internet” ranks with the odds of Ken Starr being Hillary’s Attorney General.

Political debate on the Internet has only one rule … “He/She who posts Last Wins!” …. It has nothing to do with facts or heresay or going ALLCAPS (Internet for yelling really loud).  It’s all endurance.  Parry & Thrust …. Parry & Thrust …. Bob & Weave ….  Bob & Ray …. It doesn’t matter.  It’s 3:15 AM and, unlike your opponent, you have a “life”  so you fire off one more “and furthermore ….” and hit Turn Off Computer.  Your opponent doesn’t bother to read your misinformed crap but, sensing you are off-line, merely types “so I guess I win” and your on-line gallery of two narcoleptic dwarfs and a monitor nods in concurrence.  ….. back in ’99, I made it to 04:24 AM versus Fruitcake Freddie.  He was still on JFK Assassination Conspiracy #173 when I fell asleep and broke my mouse …. he declared Total Victory.

You click on the next night but that thread is five pages back.  A gaggle of “them” are discussing how one of their own “kicked so-and-so’s butt” the night before but you never realize they are chortling over your humiliating defeat.  “You snooze – you lose” in Internet Politics.

 In any political debate ONLY ONE of you can “have common sense”.  If you are not 100% convinced that that person is YOU, that will make it unanimous since your opponent is damn sure its not you. …. Likewise …. ONLY ONE of you can occupy “the moral high ground”.  It is more valuable than Park Place in Monopoly.

The only real question to ask yourself in deciding to “discuss politics with an acquaintance” in 2007 is “is this person’s friendship of any value whatsoever to me?”  If not then load up both barrels with 00 buckshot and aim for vital organs.  One shot kills are unheard of in this gendre …. The norm being death by 1,000 facts or the aforementioned “win by Turn Off default”.

You need to know a bit about your opponent before entering “the Political Octagon”.  If he/she has already run off all their relatives, neighbors, co-workers and has been banned from 375 “chatrooms” you are in for a real treat.  It will be ALLCAPS by the 4th exchange and direct personal insults by the 7th.  When you invariably type “you’re f-ing crazy.  I’ve had enough.” He smirks, lays one more F-bomb on you and finds another hapless soul “interested in discussing politics”.

Another well-worn lament is “So-and-so USED to be normal but since he/she got involved with (ultra right/left wing nut group) it’s impossible to have a regular conversation with them.  They’ve lost all common sense.”  This radical change in a longtime acquaintance is usually linked to a new marriage, new divorce, recent firing, drug experimentation, found religion, or motorcycle accident.  Or a combination of two or more such life changes.

A common stop-gap measure is the well-intended “we simply agree not to discuss politics”.  These “agreements” last about as long as it took Paris Hilton to find, then conveniently misplace, “God” after her recent jail release.

One, or usually both, “can’t leave it alone” and insist on one itty bitty teeny weeny “really (insert your name) how can you possibly support _____ ?  I mean “really!”  That’s like a Palestinian RPG in the Golan Heights …. Adios to another of Jimmy Carter’s incredible “accords”.

Mizzus and I have a very active social life.  We’ve been out to dinner four times in the past ten days.  Had HECKUVA fun time on each occasion …. Laughing and joking with good friends over good food and minimal libations.  Our acquainti are, for whatever coincidence, essentially teetotalers “beyond a glass of your house chablais please.”

Certainly everyone always wants to know of any “really crazy loons” I’ve tangled with lately and/or any inside stuff either Mizzus or I know about upcoming terrorists plots or any good movies we recommend.  There is one similarity that our social acquainti share beyond being of our same species …. They all be “ultra right-wing fanatics” (URWF).  I say URWF because apparently thats what anyone not on Robert Kennedy’s speed dial has to be.  We ain’t on it so we must be URWF.

Now I don’t know what its like to hang out with ULWF (aka “people who’ve never listened to that damn Rush Limbaugh but know what his kind is like …”).  I did read somewhere that it involves hitting each other with hammers and simulated sex with cutlery ….. I am of the age now that a pleasant laugh-filled evening with like-minded dear friends of good cheer is simply too precious to trade for “vicious verbal sparring with a deck of 51 … and one more thing!”. ….. AAARRGGGHH!

So ….. Before we close with a prayer …. Sing verses 1 and 4 of Blessed Redeemer …. And have an altar call …… REMEMBER …. Glue Sniffing … Methamphetamines …. And Political Debating are simply not in a recipe for a happy life …. DON’T DO IT.

   Thinking of “debating politics” …. run out and slam your hand in a car door instead.  It’s less painful in the long run plus you don’t have to delete anyone from your Winter Holiday Card list.


Give at least three names for 

where “The SF Giants” have played home games.


    Nancy’s Aunt was Fritzy Ritz. 

   For those of you not in Platinum Pals, The PPals pretty much got a moment-by-moment of the Sentencing of Jimbo The Weasel.  The Weasel will not go to Cool Hand Luke Fantasy Camp but the next few years will be “uncomfortable” for him.  It’s doubtful that Meredith will wait.  There be other crusty ol’ sugar daddies for her to snuggle up with.  OK, everyone on three … 1-2–3 – Yuck, Bleech!

   Anyone comparing “whatever Scooter did (see above)” to “The Sins Of  The Weasel” would also compare the NBA dynasties of The Clippers and The Celtics.

   Thanks for all the advice about Key West especially about checking for Adam’s Apples before we pick up any hookers.  The official website did not cover that one.

   Speaking of The Friday Center …. This will be one of at least 50 reminders that it is THE PLACE to park for a Kenan Stadium FB game.  Unless you have a reserved parking pass on campus you are “dumber than an Edwards supporter” if you don’t park at The Friday Center this Fall.  PLUS …. There’s a good chance you’ll meet ME !

  DID THEY ????  I heard that “they” played the entire Stanley Cup Playoffs during the 7th inning stretch at the MLB All-Star Game.  Cool …. How did “those Williams Sisters” do?

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