The Buddies Ask ….

January16/ 2000

…. Jason Voorhees outdraws Jaime Pressley.  Bloody Monday set a new “total views” record for columns about The Easleys.  Today we meet Ace and  we answer questions posed by BL Buddies & Babes over the past several weeks. …. We begin our climb up the Ivory Tower.  A Tower soooo high that those at the top need 24k parachutes when they depart.

A shout-out to the Brickyard Bubbas over at StateFanNation.  Bloody Monday was both roasted and toasted by that mixed bag of “hail well” fellows and hairshirts.  BobLee could hang Claude Sitton from a sour apple tree and half that crowd would still shoot me the evil eye.  Hard-wired like rabid  snappin’ turtles.

Q:   BobLee; what’s new with Lee Fowler?
A:   With the frequency that NCSU admins are pissin’ in punchbowls, Lee may end up as NCSU Administrator of The Year when the smoke clears.

Q:  BobLee;  Any new developments in the already high Hoot Factor of Mary Mess?
A:  The Easleys are nothing if not adept at uppin’ Hoot Factors.  Wednesday they hired a part-time ambulance chaser-part-time PR hack named “Ace” to navigate them through these troubled waters. …… I SWEAR I don’t make this stuff up …. “Ace”.  Apparently their first two choices – Guido and Dutch were afraid to touch the case.   “Ace’s” primary client – Club Risque – agreed to loan the slick-talking hack to the former Governor.

Q:   BobLee; Didn’t Mikey have some e-mail mess a few years ago?
A:   Indeed, several years ago a brouhaha arose in the septic field known as The Easley Administration involving whether or not “e-mails” were here to stay or, like 8-track tapes, just a passing fancy.  Mike was still using a quill pen for his own correspondence but yielded to public pressure and formed a Study Committee to determine if this “e-mail stuff” counts under the public deserves to know rules.

He appointed yet another “old crony” from the Easley bottomless sack of “old cronies” to head the e-mail committee.  At the committee’s first meeting “OLD crony” proudly snorted “.. I don’t even know how to turn that compooter thing on ….”.  Now three years later we meet “Ace”.  Kinda makes sense when you look at the Big Picture doesn’t it.

Mike Easley was TWICE elected Governor of North Carolina with the enthusiastic support of The News & Observer.  Just in case anyone has forgotten.  I haven’t.

Q:  BobLee; what is the difference between NCSU’s Millenium Mary Scandal and Chapel Hill’s Poverty Center Scam?
A:   Excellent question.  There are TWO primary differences.

  1.   The infamous Gene Nichol is paid $200,000 to teach ONE class at UNC whereas Larry The Provost Guy will be paid $150,000 to teach one class at NCSU  and
  2.   John Edwards is prettier than Mary Easley.

Fear not folks ….. we shall discuss “The Poverty Center” at some length as soon as we get a break in the lunacy of MaryMess.

Q:  BobLee, any news on any of those other Easley Scandals.
A:   Funny you should ask.   Guess who showed up above the fold yesterday – Jimmy The Weasel.  Jimbo took a break from his license plate manufacturing gig in Pennsylvania to see if anyone has forgotten his five year crime spree across The Old North State.  No one has.  Unless you count Mikey who apparently has always wondered where Jimbo went.  To this day Mike Easley has never spoken publicly about The Jim Black Scandal.  We doubt he ever figures out why wifeypoo Mary is now known as Typhoid Mary to 100,000s NCSU supporters.  And you always thought Mike Easley just “looked” clueless.

A Weasel sighting requires a quick scan to see if Meredith Norris the Bonnie to Jimbo’s Clyde is around as well as Don “The Cryptkeeper” Beason.  Last we heard “Mere” was working as a cocktail waitress at a video poker parlour in Rock Hill.  …..

Q:  BobLee, shouldn’t “they” do something about these embarrassing scandals and golden parachutes?
A:   EVERYBODY is in total agreement that “they” oughta “do something” especially about exposing absurdities within local high academia.  Golden Parachutes are being handed out that even Wall Street Hoodlums find “excessive”.  When Bernie Madoff heard about Larry and Obbie “deals”, he reportedly said “damn, I wish I’d thought of that.”

Certainly not EVERYONE wants reform in High Academia.  The High Academaniacs theirownselves don’t want nobody doin’ nuthin’.   The thought of any harm coming to their Golden Goose or Fatted Calf gives The Snoots “the willies”.

Q:  BobLee; who are the “they” that the John Q Mob expects to do something?
A:   I was afraid you would ask that.  “They” are the Jones Street Backroom Bubbas.  The NC General Assembly under the iron-fisted Democrat control of Marc Basnight, Tony Rand and Joe Hackney (from Chapel Hill – YIKES).

Q:  BobLee;  don’t those lyin’ stealin’ no-good two-faced double-dealin’ slimeballs have equally incredible “employment benefit packages”.
A:   Yes.  The John Q Public Howling Mob is asking “the foxes” to put in better security around the hen house.

Q:  BobLee;  that’s beyond absurd.
A:   Duhhh, we passed “Absurd” about eight miles back, bought a lottery ticket and patted the waitress on her butt (a little Don Beason humor there).

“My friends” (a little McCainian humor!) if you’re all outraged about these scurrilous goings-on you really need to kick back and chill.

  1. This High Academia and political scallywaggery is going on ALL ACROSS THE FRUITED PLAIN …. And it didn’t just begin this week.
  2.  With due respect to the aggressive steps being taken to elevate North Carolina to a top tier Corrupt State;  folks in Louisiana, Illinois, California, NY, and, of course, New Jersey ain’t even seeing this on their radar. 

Now they DID see that a Slim Jim manufacturing plant exploded outside Raleigh this week.  And they did see that a prominent NASCAR driver is charged with being a Meth-head.  Efforts by Southern Chambers of Commerce to counter negative regional stereotypes have been put on hold until we can be sure Mayberry Lovebirds Barney and Thelma Lou weren’t brother and sister.   Hear the sound of duelin’ banjos in the background.

BobLee, you’ve reached your self-imposed word limit.  Rats!  We really need to at least begin to discuss why, how, and so what about academic entitlements.

The following factions – Academia, Politicians, Government Employees and Union workers ALL have sweetheart employment deals under which they can not be terminated and, upon proof of malfeasance, actually be upgraded …. The only shmoos NOT under such golden parachute umbrellas are small business owners and their hapless employees.

Actually a lot of even those employees have parachutes if they are “divers. …… So the only folks without at least bronze parachutes are middle-class white folks …. without PhDs.

Could “Almost A God” Obama put in a National Golden Parachute to take care of middle class white folks not employed in high academia? Actually “He” has agreed to do just that with two caveats ….. (1) they must join ACORN, and (2) they must throw away their AM radios . Uh oh.

More on this later dudes.


Who was the last Repub Gov of NC?


True Story ….. Obama is seriously considering sending Algore to North Korea to negotiate the release of those two journalists.  To make any sense of that it must be put into context.  The “short list” of other available negotiators was Joe Biden, Foster Brooks and Cynthia McKinney.  Oh.  …….

Algore and Kim Jung Il together in the same room …… would be one nut short of a Payday bar.

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