First, We Kill All The… Refs and Umps.

BobLee
November04/ 2019

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Nov 4, 2019

First; We kill all the… Referees & Umpires

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Acknowledgement to The Bard for paraphrasing his oft-misunderstood suggestion regarding “Lawyers”… choosing to apply his ultimate solution to those who officiate sports competitions.

NOTE:  I am still reeling from Bre’r Kennel’s admitting that he has “never heard of JILL WAGNER” !!!  I was sure BK had personally taught her the Wuff finger thingy.  My shock was tempered when I realized JILL has never heard of Kennel either.  OUCH!

It’s November when our thoughts turn to green bean casseroles and creamed sweet potatoes with tiny marshmallows on top… (Did the Pilgrims have tiny little marshmallows?) … and to how “our team” would surely go to a for-real Bowl where it NOT for those *&*%#% referees.

The annual – monthly – weekly – daily – hourly attacks by foam-fingered loons and by losing coaches on the referees / umpires / anyone in any position of authority over anything seems to intensify about this time each year.

For those college / pro football fans who have not already collected their few remaining chips and shuffled off to the 24/7 buffet and dreams of “Next Year will be Our Year”… “Games” start to matter now.  If games EVER “matter”.

A single “call / no call” by a blind, incompetent and/or (obviously) on-the-take referee can suddenly make Life meaningless for those who invest their self-worth on “calls, no calls”.

OK, I appreciate that a “no-call” against The NO Saints last year sent LA Rams to The SB instead of The Saints forever altering NFL history… and… Jim Knight’s call reversal on you-know-who’s knee on Kenan’s one-yard line sent Charles “Chuck” Amato from being The King of Carter-Finley to an assistant coach for the Akron Zips … and… Umpire Don Denkinger’s Oops DID cost The Cardinals the 1985 World Series.  But other than those anomalies Mrs Lincoln… how was The Play?

Long before sports fans “played solitaire with decks of 51” over how to Pay College Athletes, they gathered “wherever wings are hot, there are 200+ brands of beer, and 50+ big screen TVs” to endlessly bemoan what to do about those AWFUL referees and umpires.

Did You Know That… All Five Power5 conferences AGREE that “Our Conference Has THE Worst Referees”… and fans of Every Power5 team are sure that “Our Team gets more bad calls against US than all those other teams put together”.

Actually both those statements apply to All conferences and All teams in disorganized sports… but – as We All Know – ONLY Power5 conferences and its teams Matter.  Sorry about that App State, Bowling Green, ECU, Boise et al…

If you overhear some drunk foghorn wailing that “they should have full-time officials” you might remind Mr Foghorn that MLB umpires and NBA referees ARE full-time… which will not deter Mr Foghorn but might earn you an obscene gesture.

The oft-suggestion that NFL referees be “full-time” – for refereeing 18-20 games/year max – is like suggesting being a Mall Santa Claus or a census-taker oughta be a full-time gig.

That said… NFL refs – NBA refs – MLB umpires all make (average) around $200,000/year with there being more $$$ with experience.  Gawd only knows how much MLB’s “Cowboy Joe” West makes.  “They say” that Joe called Satchel Paige’s first game in 1927 and his last in 1966.  Joe is still infuriating MLB fans and players alike today.  Joe has been an MLB ump for 40 years and over 5,000 games. Referees Joe West

“Cowboy Joe” grew up in Greenville NC and played football at ECU but – to the best of my knowledge – is NOT a candidate for ECU’s vacant Chancellor du jour, but one never knows.

The road to The NFL for referees usually starts in Pop Warner or Jr Hi games and works up thru many 100s of games at obscure colleges over 15-20 years and involves on-going extensive testing on rules and video reviews of performances.   Hard to imagine any further qualifications other than, of course, “never make a questionable call / no call against “my team”.

Yes… athletes are bigger, stronger, faster than ever before which does alter the dynamics of split-second decision-making.  In MLB, there are now 100s of pitchers who can throw 100 mph.  It IS harder to follow the flight of a 100 mph fastball than it is a 90 mph fastball when “an 1″ off the plate” can win/lose a game.

Is some high-tech-AI-robo-umpire the answer?  As soon as I figure out how “they” do that imaginary yellow-line on a football field I will work on “the How” of a robo-ump.

Do you want instant replay on every play in every game in every sport… OR just on the calls / no calls that affects “your team”?  Thats what I figured.  Then games in all sports would be like Pakistani cricket matches which can last 3-5 DAYS.

I maintain that as much as fans and coaches bitch and moan about lousy refs / umps… they serve a unique role in the down-the-rabbit-hole insanity of sports.

They give fans something tangible to blame their teams’ losses on.  Simply being out-played or out-coached on a given day is, of course, never an option.  God created “commissioners” as a back-up excuse to “the damn refs”.

Somewhere in Wuff-Nation this AM there IS a flaming nitwit blaming the damn refs for that Massacre @ BBT @ Not Dixie Classic Fairgrounds on Saturday.  You KNOW there is one out there.  Don’t let it be YOU.

The other 99% of WuffNation are cussin’ either Dave Doeren and/or Dave Huxtable… and there’s Kennel who is still giddy over Trea Turner as well he should be.

###

Speaking of Firing Coaches and Gianormous Buy-Outs…

Yeah, I’m speaking to You Seminole Fans… but, not to worry, there will be 3-4 other fan bases joining you in the next few weeks.

THAT $18,000,000 Willie will collect for less than two woeful seasons in Tallahassee WILL NOT cause the lights to dim in FSU classrooms.  The campus grass WILL be cut.  Osceola’s war pony Renegade WILL get his daily oats and carrots.

Buy-Out Bucks are Monopoly Money.  Schools agree to the silly things because their Biggest Big Buck Fat Cats Boosters DEMAND they “pay whatever it takes” to go hire ______ to Save Our Program.

Inevitably those same Big Buck Fat Cat Boosters DEMAND they “pay whatever it takes” to  “get rid of ______ because he is an incompetent jackass”. … sigh.

Big Buck Fat Cat Boosters have A LOT more Big Bucks than they do Common Sense.

Managing a Hedge Fund (whatever they are ??) OR… owning 135 Jiffy-Lubes across the Southeast OR… winning a class-action suit against Big Pharma or Big Tobacco or Big Chemical can earn a fella MORE $$$ than his three ex-wives could spend in three lifetimes.

Every Power5 AD has his Big Buck Fat Cat Boosters in his phone memory ranked by Net Worth.  He simply starts “dialing for their dollars” remindin’em they knew this day would come.

They ante-up The Buy-Out… Willie walks with a very fat wallet… and the whole silly system does Lather – Rinse – Repeat all over again…

And America enters its first week in 6+ years in which “Beto” is not running for something.

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BobLee

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Wolfdon
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Wolfdon

With regard to the yellow line placement, they could use a two dimensional photogrammetric translation technique which converts the known field placement position to the TV image position. In essence you are stretching the relative image rectangle to match the known field rectangle defined by side and yard lines. All done electronically/mathematically to first position the ball image and then generate the yellow line position.
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Perhaps 68Grad can provide a shorter elucidation.

Fayettewuf
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Fayettewuf

I remember reading long ago that Shakespeare did not write the first lawyer joke with that line. I think the little rectangle, the camera shot from above and the 3-D look at the strike zone confirms what has been long suspected. Umps see what they expect to see. I think Tom Glavine used to get strikes called on pick-off attempts. Be that as it may, I would hate seeing the umps behind the plate replaced with something like that system they use in tennis for challenges. I would like to see it used to weed out and or train umps… Read more »

Doug
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Doug

I believe you could have written this with half your brain tied behind your back. 😎 If they can shoot a rocket ship to Mars, 140 million miles away, land it, upload instructions for a rover to hop around all over the place and take Ultra-HD photos and then download them back home, to be sure they can get calls right on the filed without lengthy replays listening to babbling play-by-play announcers and ex-jock color commentators. But do “they” want to and miss all the fun stuff, column fodder and extra commercial revenue? Not just Hell no but HELLNO says… Read more »

Queen City
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Queen City

High Def TV has put the refs in a bad spot. From the games I have seen this year in CFB, the refs have done a good job in speeding up the decision time during instant replay..
I don’t see FSU getting back to the same level as the 90’s.. Too many new programs in Florida such as USF and of the course the National Champs UCF.

NCSU68Grad
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NCSU68Grad

OK….BL. You have been reading my mind and my posts elsewhere. . Taggart’s departure after 21 games is probably not a record…but maybe. He be the 12th HIGHEST paid P5 coach and Second in the ACC to Durt Dubber at Climpsome. SO….he be GONE and such. . It has been suggested that NCSU approach him for the OC position. We would pay him the magnanamous sum of $1 per year, and OTHER valued considerations (Free Grad School Tuition like the Tigers that will maul on Saturday Night do for a Bowden boy). THEN FSU will get to deduct that amount… Read more »

Bill Brockman
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Bill Brockman

As a more or less retired barrister, I had the time to check the context of the “kill all the lawyers” quote. . Sure enough, as I’d been told, the context in which the remark is made actually makes the line rather favorable to lawyers. That is, the character who utters it is a murderer who, in support of a companion–another n’er-do-well– who is plotting to usurp the throne of England and put in place a system of anarchy, suggests killing the lawyers as an excellent way to advance the plot. . Seems to me that killing the refs would… Read more »

former96heel
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former96heel

Aren’t the refs there for the same reason they are in Pro Wrestling? A foil for either side of fans to blame their losses, and keep the fan coming back on hope the next week and a way for the powers that be to control the outcome to further the storyline? . After reading however many hundreds of your articles, I am now becoming convinced that BK is the perfect fan. For a long time, I really thought he was a made up character. Never down on his team, always positive, always partisan, always thinking the admin and coach is… Read more »

LB.Duke
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LB.Duke

Good Morning Bob… Great article.I remember the day when my favorite time in a football game was to be able to hit the quarterback from the blind side. If you did that today they would put you in prison. . It is a shame now that the umpires control who wins the game. I think they, like the coaches have a two challenges per game , the refs should have the same , two calls per game. LOL. That would make it a more fun game , again, and make the game an hour shorter.ha. . Hope you are doing… Read more »

Wolfdon
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Wolfdon

I remember , as a kid, sitting in the end zone a long time ago on a cold snowy day as a Cheat fan and watched Sonny lead Duke to one TD victory. You were obviously there on the field in Kenan jr. stadium that day.
Things have changed….

DM Carpenter
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DM Carpenter

Saturday, we loaded the family up and headed to Hick’ry to watch Lenoir-Rhyne play Wingate, with something over 10K other folks. Two ranked and undefeated DII teams put on a good game. . It was pleasant to watch a good ball game, without being particularly invested in either team. . Not having a tie also made the people watching more detached, as I did not know what L-R or Wingate fans are supposed to ‘be like’. . At L-R, the visiting team has to walk through the end zone crowd to go from locker room to field. As we were… Read more »