The Day The Flat Earth Stood Still … did Darwin have it backwards?…

BobLee
February14/ 2024
BL Rimshots

February 14, 2024

Today’s Insightful Insight has very little to do with the 1951 Sci-Fi Classic The Day The Earth Stood Still starring Michael Rennie in which the phrase Klaatu barada nikto.” was first uttered. 

In that movie an alien humanoid and his giant robot – Gort – come to Earth to warn “earthlings” that in 72 years a phenomenon known as Swift Derangement Syndrome will threaten our planet. …. Of course “earthlings” dismiss his warning and CHAOS results. … sigh.

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I chose “flat earth” in today’s title out of respect for the goofiest of lingering conspiracy theories (CTs) … along with “Man Will Never Fly” and “They Faked The Moon Shot”.  I am an aficionado of conspiracy theories.  No such thing as a “bad one” just some are much more creative than others.

50% of all conspiracy theories are, of course, bogus.  But that leaves the other 50% as Solid Gold.  The tribunal that determines “bogus” or “solid gold” are five ROMEOs – “Retired Old Men Eating Out” – at a Bojangles in Florence, South Carolina.  Conspiracy Theory Tribunals rotate around the country when two of the original five ROMEOS don’t show up three days in a row. 

The minimum age for a CT Tribunal ROMEO is 67.  Which might explain why this latest Swift Derangement Syndrome CT got so out-of-hand and spread like a Malibu wild fire. 

The name “Taylor Swift” kept showing up on their list but none of the ROMEOS had ever heard of her so – naturally – assumed no one ever had either.  Generational Compartmentalization is a on-going issue in Conspiracy Theory Management.

By contrast, a quick survey of 86,500,000 hard-core Swifties revealed not a single one knew that ROMEOs stands for Retitred Old Men Eating Out. 

Females aged 14-34 are taught at an early age to never discuss pop culture icons with any “old guys” not nick-named “Granddaddy” or “PawPaw”

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Using the assumption that Sunday – February 11, 2024 – will be the zenith of Swift Derangement Syndrome … all data on the SDS phenomenon is tabulated based on the 90 days prior and ending on February 12 at midnight.  A smattering of responses will obviously linger for a decade or so.

  • the phrase “no one cares about her” was noted in 96% of anti-Swift social media postings.  The average age of an anti-Swift poster is 69.  The really hard-core Swift-haters average 75+. All of whom still carry a torch for “Miss KItty” (Amanda Blake).
  • the % of young women between 14-34 who had heard of anyone named “Kelce” or “Kansas City” before Taylor’s first suite appearance is 3% … all 3% of whom live IN Kansas City.
  • The only adult male over 70 who correctly identified a current picture of Taylor Swift prior ro October 1, 2023 was Scott Swift (71) …. her father.
  • The producers of Ancient Aliens have purchased the rights to all video of “Taylor in a suite” for the next 500 years.
  • When asked who was their favorite female singer …. 84% of Swift-Haters said either Teresa Brewer of “That Singing Rage” Miss Patti Page. …. or Miss LIllie Langtry.
  • I REALLY hate to post this one but …. 92% of Swift-Haters own a MAGA cap.   …… Non-MAGA people have too many things they HATE to try and mention.  #1 of their HATE  list is “MAGA people”
  • A flash poll taken at a Buffalo Wild Wings in Gatlinburg TN revealed 6 out of 10 Swift-Haters thought she was “that purple-haired commie lesbo soccer bitch”.
  • The phrase “Taylor Swift is Satan’s Concubine” was posted 158 time during the Super Bowl
  • 7 out of 8 girls leaving a Valdosta GA abortion mill said “If I did have a boy baby I woulda named him Travis”.
  • Gisele Bunchen and Kate Upton are fit to be tied that they were not “Celebrity Athlete WAGS” worthy enough to be hated by millions.
  • Jemele Hill lashed out at Taylor Swift for “datin’ a white guy” with so many black pro athletes looking for their 4th or 5th white baby mamma.
  • Based on a 2-second suite shot in the 3rd Quarter, “Fred in Fresno” saw what he was certain was a Satanic rite going on in the Swift suite.  He notified the Alliant Stadium Exorcist who verified it was simply Taylor high-fiving Mahomes’ nutty wife and some anonymous she-rapper.
  • When asked by TMZ if she could name any other NFL tight end, Taylor replied “whats the NFL and whats a tight end?”  OUCH.
  • Will “Taylor Swift in a Suite” replace “Jane Fonda on an anti-aircraft gun in Hanoi” as #1 symbol of whatever it symbolizes?
  • Political analysts estimate that for every Swift-Hate post … five otherwise politically apathetic Swifties registered to vote “however Taylor tells me to …”
  • Due to their association with Taylor Swift have the Kansas City Chiefs replaced the Dallas Cowboys as “Most Hated NFL Team” by those people who specialize in randomly hating sports franchises?
  • What is the minimum number of people needed to “fix” a Super Bowl game outcome?  What are the odds that one of those people will be a whistleblower?
  • IF your favorite Super Bowl halftime was SB3 …. Up With People singing “I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing” …. what are the odds you have liked ANY SB halftime in the past 20 years?
  • Does one really need a reason to dislike NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell?
  • How long would it take 1,000 Swifties with a 1,000 Ipads to correctly spell “Gronkowski”?
  • If Taylor and Travis do marry but, alas, divorce in 36 years …. how many Swift-Haters will immediately post “I told you so …”
  • IF you were in church and it was time to “share the peace” and you turned around to face “some scary old guy” who says “my name is Eugene and I Hate Taylor Swift” … would you be taken aback?
  • Did it occur to any of the 19,000 irate commenters about “Travis & Andy Reid On The Sideline” that Coach Reid probably could handle it without calling a SWAT team … or having Travis Kelce keelhauled.

Finally …

  • What future large-scale socio-cultural absurdity will it take for you to say “This Brouhaha is even more utterly ridiculous than Swift Derangement Syndrome?

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What will Swift-Haters do now that football season is over?

Same thing they were doing three months ago … stand in their front yard throwing rocks at cars … while yelling at clouds.

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Q: OK, BobLee … Who the heck is that old man with the beard in the upper right copy of the title picture?

A: That be Charlie Darwin of Human Evolution fame.  Yesterday, descendants of Professor Darwin issued an apology to all “apes” that the idea that “humans are an upgraded evolutionary speciers from apes” was incorrect … the phrases “most” will be inserted before “humans” in all of Darwin’s writings.

Say Good Night, Gracie …

The Very Best of BobLee’s Best are HERE

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