Oh My: Doeren Apologizes … The “Tez” Fiasco … Florida State Crosses The Rubicon.

Column Fodder
December22/ 2023
BL Rimshots

December 22, 2023


If I had posted this column 3-4 days ago … MAYBE one of the following items would have made the cut.   By the time you are reading this the Sports Gods might have hurled 3-4 more lightning bolts down from Mount Olympus.  But I have to draw the line somewhere … 


“Dour Dave” Doeren Issues Public Apology

Background: In the immediate aftermath of firmly establishing his NC State Football Program as THE Premier College Football Juggernaut within 150 miles of Jim Valvano’s grave in Raleigh’s Oakwood Cemetery, “Dour Dave’s” impassioned post-game pep talk to his victorious warriors failed to take into account the presence of LIVE media mics.  Uh Oh!

Dave regrettably chose a common XXX-rated scatological barnyard epithet to describe his just vanguished opponent – UNCCH … again, unmindful of the bevy of Live Mics.  NOTE:  This website was among the first “media” to express concern over the Head Coach’s choice of words.

Three weeks later Mack2.0 referenced his dismay at Coach Doeren’s X-rated insult while lamenting his own program’s “Signing Day” success(?).   The Hall of Fame coach’s dismay, of course, went VIRAL on ESPN and elsewhere. 

No mention was made of this website having broken the story within 48 hours of its happening.

Three weeks after making the XXX scatological insult – and about an hour after MB2’s comments went VIRAL on Wednesday … “Dour Dave” called MB2 and issued a public personal apology … for “not realizing the media mics were ON”.  Doeren’s apology as reported on ESPN … …

Doeren, saying he was unaware that cameras were in the locker room, on Wednesday said he had called Brown to apologize.

“Obviously, if I knew I was on camera, my language would not have been what it was,” Doeren said. “Does that make it any better? No. I did call coach and apologize because I could have used a lot of different words. They caught me in a heat-of-the-moment situation in the locker room celebrating a huge win, and I was fired up about how we played. I have respect for coach, so the last thing I wanted for him to feel that, and again, it’s not an excuse, but it shouldn’t have been on TV.

“I could have said that in a much more professional way, and I regret not doing that. What I don’t regret is having passion with my players and celebrating a big win. I’m going to continue to do that. Hopefully down the road we’ll get the courtesy that we deserve when we’re going to be on TV in those moments.”

OK, three weeks late and soley because Mack2 caused it to go VIRAL … but much more than I ever thought would happen.  

Of course, Coach Doeren’s “apology” did NOT go over well AT ALL with the knuckle-dragging booger-eating goobers that dwell in the basement of William Neal Reynolds Coliseum.  

To be fair, last year when both Drake Maye and WhatsHerName UNC’s WBB Coach made inappropriate comments about NCState … their quick public apologies did not go over well AT ALL with the knuckle-dragging, booger-eating goobers that fester in the sewers of Franklin Street.

Goobers is Goober is Goobers … they fester in EVERY fan base.

NOTE:  With both Maye and Coach WhatsHerName, their public apologies came within 48 hours of being uttered … at the strong suggestion of senior UNC officials.   Neither of their remarks involved XXX scatological barnyard epithets.  For the record …


Before Taylor & Travis … Before Florida State OMG … There was … TEZ

Let Tez Play !!!  Remember that Global Crusade?  For about three weeks last September “Tez” Walker challenged “Little Greta” The Climate Queen as #1 International Martyr for Man’s Inhumanity To Man.

For those with poor memories … UNC Football had learned that a Kent State player named “Tez” Walker was suffering severe mental illness because his grandmother in Charlotte could not see him play.  So UNC’s Hall of Fame coach Mack Brown made “Tez” an NIL deal to come play for UNC who was scheduled to open its season IN CHARLOTTE where Tez’s grandmother lives.

Well, the oh-so-benevolent gesture by Mack quickly became more complicated than Chinese arithmetic. 

GAMEDAY dedicated an entire segment to The Sad Plight of Tez Walker … Mack threatened to go to NCAA HQ and punch someone in the nose … North Carolina’s Attorney General (and gubernatorial candidate) was ready to file lawsuits to Let Tez Play By God! … and UNC’s entire Lunatic Faction was going ballistic on social media in ALLCAPS blaming Donald Trump, Coach K, and that Villanove player that made the Hail Mary to beat them a few years ago. 

It took on Free Britany Griner proportions … Yeeeee Haa. Some idiot somewhere probably compared it to 9/11.  IT WAS WILD! …. BUT IT WORKED! … TEZ WAS SET FREE !!!!!   There Is A God!

Tez’s mental issues disappeared … he got to play 1/2 the season and did well.  Despite their traditional November collapse, UNC became bowl eligible. … They earned a spot in the prestigious (???) Mayonnaise Bowl … in CHARLOTTE.  Remember that last phrase.

Two weeks ago, “Tez” announced he will NOT play for UNC in the prestigious Mayonnaise Bowl IN CHARLOTTE in order to protect his NFL draft status. 

When asked “What about your grandmama finally getting to see you play IN CHARLOTTE?”  “Tez” supposedly just giggled …

Hopefully if ever faced again with helping a young man in a similar situation, Mack2.0 will remember The Great Tez Fiasco … many UNC fans will remember.


Florida State Crosses The ACC Rubicon …

A bunch of law firms are about to get a Very Very Merry Christmas and a VERY VERY Prosperous next 2-3 years thanks to Florida State University’s Board of Trustees declaring all out JIHAD on The ACC.

Forever wounded by being recently slighted by the universally despised College Football Playoff Committee … Ye Olde FSU Trustees done gone and done it … FILED A LAWSUIT By Gawd!

Like an angry 6-year old declaring he is running away from home because he was denied an extra popsicle … neither the angry 6 y/o nor Florida State have the foggiest idea WHERE they are going BUT they ARE “running away from home” … LOLOLOLOL.

Despite denying it was “personal” …. “just business” … it is rumored that three generations of North Wilkesboro “Swoffords” are named in the suit along with every AD, Chancellor, Provost, and Special Teams Coach in all 14 ACC member institutions plus Notre Dame. As well as everyone on Earth named “Boo”.

“Our attorneys get paid extra for every guilty party we can come up with” said an overly-caffeinated tomahawk-chopping whack-job in Tallahassee.

Personally, I never thought Bobby “Father Flanagan” Bowden’s Half-way House for Blood & Crips really fit in to The ACC.  But that’s just me.

How do I predict THIS will end?  I truly could not care less.

I want Tobacco Road Plus UVA, GaTech and VaTech to somehow stay together if at all possible.  Otherwise, NONE of this crap makes my Give A Damn List.

Dave Doeren – Mack Brown – Tez Walker and Florida State … none of’em make My List.

My Give A Damn LIst has Ten iems on it.   All Ten Items Are:

Stay mentally and physically healthy for the next Ten Years so four little people up in Richmond will all have permanent memories of their “kinda strange but lovable in his own way” Granddaddy.  PERIOD.

Say Good Night, Gracie …


More BobLee Rimshots ….. HERE


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