November 01, 2023
I’ve never met Gene Chizik … or Dave Huxtable … or Smilin’ Jon Tenuta or whoever your favorite Defensive Guru might be. I’m sure they are all Hail Fellows, Well Met … Love their Mammas … and onlty think pure thoughts … and never ever wanted to be anything in this life but “a Football Coach”.
When they finally convinced their mammas they were not interested in taking over Dad’s hardware store or being an accountant like Uncle Al or even being an astronaut … but just wanted to be like “Coach ________” who they worshipped . Mamma reluctantly agreed.
Decades later when they were being called all sorts of obscene names in unknown tongues by dozens of feckless moe-rons … their mammas reminded them that no one ever called Uncle Al all those nasty names. It was too late.
To paraphrase a line from Bull Durham … No matter how many times Gene, Dave or Smilin’ Jon get run out of campuses, they will never quit coaching to “sell Lady Kenmores at Sears”.
By then their wardrobes consisted of sweat pants and assorted t-shirts from all 14 career stops they’ve made over the years. Including the one with the bullet hole from that time in …. never mind.
That deranged idiot has another 6 years to go on a 10-20 year sentence for failing to kill a coordinator. Did You Know: It is legal to shoot a coordinator in every SEC state … and Ohio.
All across Power5 World there are interns and graduate assistants dreaming of someday being “up in a press box” with a pair of binos and a headset as someone’s “Coordinator” … hoping he can outsmart that guy in the next booth over with the different color golf shirt on.
All those wannabees have No Clue what life was like for Gene Chizik in the 4th Quarter last Saturday night at historic Grant Field across I-75/85 from The Varsity. Gene may never forget it …
Gene’s innovative “Just Get Out of Their Way” Defense didn’t work as well as it had on Navy Field earlier in the week.
Really, what were the odds? If Gene called for the “Get Out of Their Way” Defense five times in a row, who knew that GaTech Offensive Coordinator’s in the next booth would keep calling “Send The Running Back Up the Middle – Again” five times in a row. Who Does That?
By the 3rd or 4th time you’d think the GaTech runner might trip or something but Nooooooo. They just kept running 50 yard dashes to the end zone.
What must have gone thru Mack2.0’s 70 year mind as the Horror unfolded? Was he debating – Linville or Figure 8 … Figure 8 or Linville ???? Will ESPN want me back … or maybe Fox? Quick Sallie, list the house and start packing …
BobLee Rule for Coordinators:
Any call that an offensive or defensive coordinator makes that – in hindsight – did not work was really stupid … and he should be horsewhipped.
.Mack’s final 3-4 years in Austin were painful to watch … Dorian Gray’s portrait was growing older with every “3 & out”. Could we be seeing that on Kenan sidelines the next few weeks?
For reasons never fully clear, a certain faction of The Franklin Street Know-It-All Gang has never felt warm & fuzzy with Mack. Maybe it was that “He lied to ‘dem boys” episode when he bolted for Texas decades ago.
That faction seems to be gathering their torches and pitchforks. Mack & Sallie might better decide – Linville or Figure 8?
Ya know that Bubba is getting lots of suggestions for NEXT. Assume every coach of a current top ten team is a For Certain including Nick & Kirby. If those make sense to you, then you need to wear a Warning label when using cutlery.
Also For Certain is that none of those suggestors include $100,000,000 in bearer bonds to seal the deal. Stupid suggestions and Deep Pockets don’t go together. Threats to “burn all my Carolina gear in a cardboard box down by the creek” don’t impress Bubba.
Some of the suggestions with an Upstate SC postmark might suggest “Dabo”. Coach Swinney is having “relationship issues” with some of Death Valley’s Most Over-Caffeinated Whackies with Very Short Memories.
“Jousting with a Jackass” is never a good look for a Power5 Head Coach.
Meanwhile over “at the Fairgrounds” the same bipolar fan base that recently experienced Nightmare at The Wally is over that now. Now they think Dour Dave is “cooler than the other side of the pillow” for whuppin’ Dabo … and then telling some lugnut on Gameday to “Kiss my ass”.
Nothing thrills a herd of board monkeys like their head coach saying “dirty words”.
I’m pretty sure Earl Edwards never said such a thing. Maybe Monte Kiffin or Tom Reed did.
The fact that Duke’s Mike Elko whupped both Dabo and Dour Dave before his o-line fell apart is overlooked by Dour Dave’s new fan club. Oh well …
Deep in their little blue hearts, 94.7% of Kenanites think Campbell might be Mack’s last chance at a W before Murderer’s Row begins. 7-5 might be it. LInville or Figure 8 ???
New Historian Named …
I added a new member to The BobLee LLC staff last weekf …. “Nubby in Martinsville” has accepted our offer to become Chief Historian @ The BobLee Library of Incredible Insights.
“Nubby” passed the final exam question:
Q: What were the two cheerleaders doing in that toilet stall at Banana Joes?
Nubby grinned like Cheshire cat ’cause he knew ….. A: “They were making sex sounds'”
Nubby’s friend Steve was astounded and ecstatic for his long time friend. Welcome “Nubby”.
The New 17 team ACC Transcontinental Football Master Plan has been released.
They pretty much took my advice. UNC – State – Duke will play one another every year. In addition, State and Duke will play Wake Forest every year. UNC’s 3rd permanent rival will be UVA. That was a tough call, but I’m OK with it.
The other 13 ACC schools’ fan bases are convinced “we got screwed” because thats how nitwit fan bases ALWAYS respond to any decision.
There was one fine print clause that most missed …. UNCCH Never has to travel to the West Coast Unless they want to… and State has to go twice each year for the next five years and has to use buses, not airplanes. Uh Oh!
(For sure at least 18 paranoid nitwits are gonna believe that … maybe as many as 26.).
They shoulda gone to a 9 conference games format instead of the current eight. Sure, coaches want to pad their “bowl eligible” totals by playing Southeast Alabama Southern A&M but charging full ticket prices for it is a crime.
Note to Mamma Chizik … Gene would have been miserable running that hardware store. Not as miserable as he was around 11:30 last Saturday night … but close.