September 10, 2023
It’s just TWO WEEKS into the season and the “Get A Rope” mobs across Power4 Football World are already looking for sturdy tree limbs over which to hang their nooses. “Necktie parties” are scheduled in College Station, Tuscaloosa, Baton Rouge, Madison … and, yes, even in “The City of Oaks” twixt Hillsborough Street and Western Blvd.
With Ridiculous Contracts come Ridiculous Expectations …seems only fair.
Q: WHOA BobLee, can you say “get a rope” AND show a picture of a hangman’s noose?
A: Yeah, I checked. So long as all the coaches are “white guys” no one much cares. Now, if I was talking about Colorado firing “Prime” … I’d be the one the woke mob was coming after.
The ubiquitous (and quite insane) “they” demand that the equally ubiquitous “them” immediately ante up the insanely absurd “8-figure buy outs” … rid their “sleeping giant” of its obviously incompetent Head Football Coach … and then …. “they” DEMAND “them” to ….. “Go Hire Coach Prime RIGHT NOW!”
The “they” who DEMAND are never the “them” who willingly anted up the umpteen mega-millions to hire (Fill In Name of Faux Messiah) and give him a “pre-nup” so outrageous it would make JLo blush.
The “mad as wet hens” “they’s” investment in “their team” consists of a foam-finger … a tee shirt … and a ball cap … MAYBE a car window flag. This $$$ outlay entitles them to an unlimited list of DEMANDS because … well, “just because”.
On the other hand, the “them” what actually donated the outrageous $$$$ to hire (Fill in Faux Messiah) are none to happy with said Messiah’s failure to fullfill their wildest dreams of vicarious glories … but they ain’t all that willing to dig deeper still and buy out the sumbitch’s ridiculous contract that “their attorneys” helped draw up and which “they” approved.
Meanwhile mega-agent Jimma Sexton is agrinning like a cheshire cat as he lines up their next batch of Faux Messiah for which he will get yet more fat commissions. … ad infinitum ……..
Let’s look at the current “Hot Seat Five” that I have chosen. A couple of which are questionable.
NOTE: EVERY Fan base has its “knee-jerk lynch mob” contingent. Don’t be a part of yours.
Jimbo Fisher is about as popular in East Texas right now as Santa Anna after he butchered Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett at The Alamo. In fact, Jimbo has had one foot on a banana peel since 24 hours after he signed his silly Mega -$$$$ deal.
I did a piece on Jimbo and his ex – Candi’s acrimonious divorce in Tallahassee 6-7 years ago, I still get comments on that. It involves a tennis pro at Candi’s country club and a former “tight end” (wink!) at Univ of Florida. All it lacked in YEEE HAA was a sex tape with two midgets and a hot tub full of Miracle Whip.
I don’t get emotional about coaches. I only see their public personas which are not always true to the “real person”. That said … I’ve never cared for either “Jimbo” or Brian Kelly. When Jimbo hired the despicable Bobby “Easy Rider” Petrino in a desperation move to avoid being run down by a Hummer while crossing a street in College Station, I officially gave up on Jimbo having any redeemable qualities.
Jimbo is GONE just as soon as Aggie Fat Cats collect the $77,000,000 it will take to run him outta town.
When Mario Cristobal whups you in front of a half-empty Hard Rock Stadium, its time to get a burner phone and wear Groucho glasses when waiting in line at Chick-fil-A.
The other half of my Yucky Duo. I was surprised he did as well in Year One on the Bayou as he did. It COULD happen to a nicer guy.
Yes, he beat a cupcake yesterday but getting his butt whupped by the Seminoles means now he’s got zero margin for error before someone calls goofy ol’ Ed Orgeron and begs that Cajun reprobate to come back.
Seven Natty rings are all in the past. WhatchaDoneForUs us latey, Saban. It was not as close as the final score versus Sark & the Hook’ems … sans Ewers’ mullet.
Turning over 90% of your staff every year eventually takes its toll. The camera shot of Nick’s new OC in the press box in the fourth quarter looked like he had just gotten a text that his son has gone “gay” and his wife was leaving him for the Viet Nam gal that does her nails.
NOW Paul Finebaum gets to drone on all week that The Era of Nick is Done … Stick a Fork in him … I told You so … Blah Blah Blah. Paul Finebum makes Skip Bayless seem like a decent fellow by comparison.
I’ve aways liked Nick. He has always seemed to understand the Clown Show that he chose as a career. Its absurdities frustrate him but he knows they never go away.
Another provocative guy that I’ve always liked. He, like Nick, “gets” the permanent absurdities of his world. Like Kelly at LSU, Dabo rebounded yesterday versus a cupcake but LOSING TO DUKE AT THE WALLY is unforgiveable to IPTAY World.
One more “L” over the next three months and its Cheez-It Bowl or worse for The Fighting Dabos.
It’s Autumn in Raleigh so the small but vocal Doeren-Haters ‘R Us are in full bloom …. again. What else is new…. The Wolfpack “they” will never forgive Dave Doeren for telling them to get back inside The Carter for the 3rd Quarter. “Who does he think he is … The Head Coach or something?”
Unlike quirky personas like Nick and Dabo … Dave Doeren has no persona. Or if he does he hasn’t revealed it in the past ten years. He just wins 7-8 or – now and then – 9 games a year and goes to a Whozit Bowl … and beats UNCCH often enough to really frustrate the Doeren-Haters ‘R Us bunch for whom his very existence on the Wolfpack sideline is a 24-7 toothache.
This name might confuse some of you. I adopted Wisconsin as a “my team” when Kid, Pastor Danny and the Fab Four lived three blocks from fabled Camp Randall Stadium for five years. “Jump Around” caused their duplex to shake.
Luke’s hire to replace the very forgettable Paul Chryst last November was a Big Deal in Power5 World. He had been on every “short list” for 2-3 years with his success at Cincinnati. Wisconsin “got him”.
Chryst was a human lump with a lot less personality than Dave Doeren. Really! Fickell is ruggedly handsome with all the resume cred … Badger Nation immediately envisioned their “sleeping giant” high atop the BiG 18 replacing tOSU and HarbaughU.
When Luke hired Phil Longo – yes, THAT Phil Longo – the thought of “the forward pass” coming to Madison had the locals giddy.
All the off-season hype has disappeared now with a nail-biter W over freakin’ “Buffalo” and OMG … last night’s ugly loss to WAZZU in freakin’ Pullman, Washington. Doom & Gloom envelopes both Lake Mendota and Lake Monona.
Madison Wisconsin prides itself socio-politically as “Berkeley with Bad Winters”. The local permanently constipated libs take the rubber tips off their arrows. MUCH worse than Chapel Hill … really!
Badger board monkeys have search parties scouring the countryside looking for local legend and former DC – Jim Leonhard. AD Chris McIntosh has changed the locks on his office and is using a burner phone.
I probably could include Baylor’s Dave Aranda and TexasTech’s Joey McGuire on this list but five seemed a good number.
Meanwhile in East Lansing, Michigan State’s Mega-Milions Head Coach – Mel Tucker – has just admitted to “masturbating during consensual phone sex with a sexual assault consultant” !!!??? YIKES! Longtime Spartan fans are pretty sure Duffy Daugherty never did that. Tucker’s $77,000,000 buy-out may be in jeopardy. Don’t Do THAT was in the fine print of his contract. Who knew?
HEY … Am I the only one who thinks Mack2.0 has gotten “healthier”? He’s lost that bloated look that made him look like a heart attack waiting to happen last season. When the UNC kicker missed the chip shot FG at the end of regulation … Mack almost joined the “Get a Rope” Five.
Will we have to hear all season about the UNCCH kid that the NCCA screwed on his transfer deal? From what little I know, the kid IS indeed getting screwed. It happens. The NCAA is a faceless bureaucracy that everyone despises … what else is new?
If “Prime” was a “white guy” would Colorado be THE STORY in College Football? Assuming Prime/Colorado eventually lose 2-3-4 games, will it be because Football fans are racists?