September 04, 2023
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In a Perfect World – with yours truly as College Football Czar – last week’s ACC EXPANDS headline would have been:
South Carolina & Maryland Rejoin ACC …
A “Perfect World” ???? Alas, if you haven’t checked lately … “America” AKA the once “Shining City on a Hill” is a hiccup and the next Fake Pandemic Lockdown from becoming “Venezuela North”… a 3rd world Hell-hole run by a motley collection of corrupt and cowardly scoundrels and sideshow freaks employing jack-booted door-kickers and kangaroos courts to validate the omni-present vulnerability of a representative republic.
NOTE: Try saying all that while holding a lighted match …
Meanwhile some of you are clutching pearls worried about how cross-country teams and field hockey teams are going to get back and forth from Tobacco Road to Silicon Valley. “Lions and Tigers and Bears … Oh My!”
Try as I might, my efforts to slow the American handbasket’s descent into Hell is having, at best, marginal success … BUT, I might have better success allaying your fears about ACC EXPANSION.
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First – and this will be impossible for nimrods, nincompoops, board monkeys and assorted Cliff Clavins to ever accept but who cares about them …
The 70+ years of The Atlantic Coast Conference has enjoyed a unique charm and individuality due to its …. Neighborhood (Cul-de-Sac) Rivalries.
There are plenty of storied Hated Rivalries all across College Football, but NONE of’em have the degree of neighbor versus neighbor “intensity by proximity” of The ACC’s Tobacco Road.
Harken back to the late 50s / early 60s when A Clemson IPTAY (when “T” stood fot $10) member could leave Upstate early Saturday morning and be in College Park Maryland by game time …. well, almost. Holy Frank Howard and Jim Tatum, Batman!
“Tobacco Road” fans had it even better … FOUR schools within a 90 minute footprint. THREE of them within a 30-minute drive. OMG!
AND – and this is especially “charming” – those football programs have enjoyed a competitive parity where, literally, “on any given Saturday” your school could upset or be upset by any ACC rival.
Until the arrival of Bobby “Father Flanagan” Bowden’s Tallahassee Halfway-house for thug-aletes, ACC schools rotated positions in the conferences’ W-L standings based on various faux messianic coaches comings and goings.
The ACC – as a Football entity – has never claimed to be “an SEC” or “a Big Ten”. There is no reason to do so now.
REMINDER: Barking board monkeys and nincompoop “Cliff Clavins” don’t count. Reading or listening to their drooling drivel is like watching porn with fat ugly girls. Don’t do that …
Allowing for the current Mini-Era of Dabo, ACC Football still enjoys remarkable PARITY especially along “Tobacco Road” plus UVA / GaT / VaTech. “On any given Saturday …” is real within The Core of The ACC.
IF – and it’s a Big IF – that sensible geographic footprint and competitive parity can somehow be retained while all about it dissolves into a Chaotic Clown Show … then we’ll be OK.
I think this otherwise ridiculous expansion INCREASES the Likelihood of Tobacco Road Plus UVA staying together. I hope so.
I absolutely realize “Old Man Usta” is dead and buried and this is a whole new era of Big Time College Football dictated by “media exposure” and Mega Million $$$$ contracts for flavor-of-the-month coaches … I get it and I accept it.
Let’s address several of the What Abouts that seem to be causing all of the pearl clutching …
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Transcontinental Travel:
Yes, every year or so – likely every two years – “your team” WILL have an away game in Palo Alto – Berkeley – or Dallas. “Your team” will NOT have constant multi-time zone jaunts creating debilitating “jet lag” among your precious “student-athletes” – more about the “student athlete” nonsense in a few minutes.
EVERY Power4 Football Program flies on charters … and every NIL-financed semi-literate 18 y/o has a set of Rapper-endorsed headphones to while away a 5-hour flight … every year or so.
Yes, Stanford, Cal and SMU WILL have regular on-going West-to-East trips but you don’t give a damn about them. Screw’em.
There are scheduling algorithms than can prevent “your team” being abused by “the UNCCH Scheduling School alumni” who will, of course, be the evil manipulators-behind-the-curtain. … sigh.
Currently “your team” has periodic travel to Miami – Boston, Louisville & Syracuse which ain’t exactly “just down the road apiece”.
“Your team” will still have 6 minimum , maybe 7, Home games PLUS easy Away trips among Tobacco Road – UVA / VaTech – Clemson – GaTech. Depending on OOC schedules, you as a hard-core fan might have 1-2 “is it worth it” Away trips to ponder. Count on attending at least 8-9 games each season in person without having to cash out your IRA … despite ACC EXPANSION!
TV fans have Zero such ponderings. And EVERY GAME will be on TV somehow somewhere. I use FUBO. “Where they are playing” is a non-issue to us TV-streamers.
Tobacco Road fans who currently follow “your team” to far-flung games in the current ACC footprint, likely are NOT breaking their piggy banks to do so. They can afford it. They can likewise afford the every year or so Really Away game in the EXPANDED ACC.
What About The Non-Revenue / Olympic Sports Teams?
Trust me, the grown-ups among ACC decision-makers (there are at least 4, maybe 5) WILL come up with a common-sense regional scheduling format that will not involve 30-40-hour bus rides thru America’s Heartland.
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What About the Academic Rigor of Stanford , Cal and SMU?
It could be Palo Alto Community College, Berkeley Barber College and Highland Park Truck Driving Academy and it would not matter.
That “academics” is even mentioned in any article about ACC EXPANSION is RIDICULOUS.
Every Power4 Football roster has a minimum of seven players on the two-deep Offensive and Defensive rosters with less than a GED quality high school education. They were given “social promotions” through out high school to be eligible for Friday Nights … and are now enrolled in “eligibility majors” in order to play on Saturdays.
Thats NOT the semi-literate kid with 5th reading comprehension’s fault. It simply how “the system” has evolved and it is NOT going to change. The only “book” these kids are interested in reading is an NFL Playbook. That’s their Sole Objective … and there’s no Plan B unless you count “bouncer at a strip club” or “bodyguard for a famous rapper or Instagram model”
Stanford and Cal-Berkeley have more 12 y/o Korean cello prodigies than they do 5-star Wide Receivers. If “Rubik’s Cubing” or 3-dimensional chess become NCAA sports … bet the milk money on The Expanded ACC being a “power”.
For that delusional ECU fan on Facebook who was “fit to be tied” that The ACC took “those schools” rather than her beloved ECU … someone take her to The Skylight Inn and buy her a double order of cornbread. Tell’em BobLee says “Hi”.
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The Sky Is Not Falling. But, if you are so upset that you choose to “never watch The Expanded ACC Football” that’s OK. The NBA is managing without my support. As are the WNBA, UFC, and NASCAR. I watch very little NFL and even less MLB these days along with many St Louis Cardinals and NY Yankees fans this year . OUCH! And ESPN Only for live games.
For The Record: “Football Czar” BobLee would have expanded the ACC with Tulane, Army & Navy.
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More of BobLee’s Rimshots – HERE
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