“Academic Compatibility” LOLOLO …

Academia
BobLee
July25/ 2022
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July 25, 2022

“Academic Compatibility” – LOLOLO

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THIS scenario probably happened … Right? … As John “Black Santa” Blake was peeling off “Benjamins” to Marvin Austin in 2007 … Marv stopped him. “Whoa there Black Santa, how many research grants does your school have?  Where is it in The US News & World Report Best Colleges List?” … To which Blake replied “Huh?” and kept peelin’ off “Benjamins”.

Notoriously nomadic defensive guru “Smilin’ Jon” Tenuta was – supposedly – once asked a question by a phenom’s parent about his school du jour’s library. “Well, I’m pretty sure we have one. Why do you ask?” was Smilin’ Jon’s classic reply.

Summer 2022 :  John Blake is dead.  Marvin Austin is either a bodyguard for a “famous rapper” or doin’ 8-10 in Joliet for involuntary jaywalking.  “Smilin’Jon” was last seen on some USFL staff along with Larry Fedora.

Current day Power5 recruiters still use their institution du jour’s course catalogue for a doorstop.

Academics are as compatible with Big Time College Sports as Honesty is compatible with  Politics. 

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I recently read Malcolm Gladwell’s book debunking the myth of Elite Academia – I Hate The Ivy League.  He use “Ivy League” as a catch-all for all schools that tout their “eliteness” as academic institutions. Gladwell

Gladwell ‘s dozen-plus  best sellers have earned him a reputation as a socio-cultural gadfly re: human nature and its predictability in group interactions.

The Gladwells of this world are like “polls”.  The validity of both are determined by how closely their conclusions match your pre-determined opinions on the subject being observed / polled. 

If he gores your hated rival’s ox… he’s brilliant.   If he gores YOUR ox you dismiss him as “a quack” with funny hair. … sigh.

Gladwell’s thoughts on Elite Academia will elicit muey “quacks” in Chapel Hill, West Derm and similar hotbeds of “rampant elitism”.  

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Elitism in any form is a topic ripe for zingers and general sledge-hammering.  Especially when combined with The Hypocrisy of Big Time College Sports .

Reading the latest OMGs about conference realignments ad infinitum via one’s “reliable inside sources” … two phrases keep reappearing – TV Markets and Academic Compatibility.

TV Markets is how Rutgers became the doormat of The B1G.   Piscataway NJ is 53 miles from Times Square – the epicenter of the cherished New York TV Market. Alas, only 37 people on the east side of the Hudson River know or care where Rutgers is or what “a Scarlet Knight” is.

It is estimated that there are more UCLA alumni in NYC than Rutgers alumni which may explain UCLA joining B1G.

The cherished Boston TV Market is why “Little Johnny” Swofford courted Boston College a few years ago.  That has worked out better than Rutgers / B1G.  Two guys wearing Red Sox ballcaps were recently spotted at Amedeos eating lasagna and talking funny.

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Bringing us to Academic Compatability … otherwise known as…

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We don’t want West “By Gawd” Virginia in our elite conference ’cause none of them inbred, mouth-breathin’ hillbillies can spell Kierkegaard.

We’uns ain’t gwinna be in no conference with abuncha glorified community colleges that ain’t even got bell towers … Hell NO!”

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If your alma mater’s two claims to fame are – (1) – an NBA Logo known as “Zeke From Cabin Creek” … and – (2) – burning sofas after winning a big game or ‘just because” … the US News & World Report college ranking guys  have WVU firmly ensconced among others receiving less than two votes include…

Alumni and/or pompous faculty touting their respective institutions’ faux academic eliteness is akin to The Real Housewives of Gastonia debating “best butt lifts”.

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FOR THE RECORD:  Of UNCCH’s  355,786 living alumni The #1 Most Famous one majored in “Geography” … only stayed around three years … has never read Look Homeward Angel … and cannot spell Kierkegaard either.  OUCH!

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Malcolm goes into great detail about how that fabled USN&WR Annual College Rankings became such a Holy of Holies.   It was a marketing gimmick to get USN&WR’s circulation within a mile of Time & Newsweek among weekly news magazines.   

That was 30+ years ago.  USN&WR is still churning out those annual college rankings.  The algorithms used in their ratings is a closely-guarded secret.  But was designed by the same geeks that program Dominion’s voting software.  Uh Oh!

Snooty academicians will sell their grandchildren to an A-rab potentate if it might get them one notch higher in those rankings.  

If one is still traumatized by the horrors of Jr Hi Phys Ed … and runs from the room if anyone says “wedgie” … then being a Faux Academic Elite is about all one’s got for a (very fragile) self-image.

Malcolm debunks the whole concept of academic elitism … essentially comparing Elite College Rankings to High School Phenom Recruit Rankings. YIKES!

“Oberlien College has a great shooting touch and moves well without the ball …”

“Mount Holyoke dominates the post but needs to put on muscle …”

“Pepperdine is a great kid … very coachable … starred in AAU summer leagues …”

The #1 consideration in how high a school “ranks” is the enormity of their Foundation

If your school has less than “a Billion with a B” in its Foundation you ain’t making the Top 25.  Harvard and Stanford are multiple Billions ahead of the pack … and of 2/3 of UN member nations.

$$$$ attracts $$$$ so despite St Jude’s still trying to cure pediatric cancer and weekly genocide in sub-Saharan Africa et al … naive alumni and other  equally misguided souls still send checks to these highly ranked institutions with literally more $$$$ in the bank than they could ever spend if they installed new golden faucets in every dorm room every semester.

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How important is a school’s USN&WR ranking in the decision making process of a 17 y/o 5-star phenom? ……. Statistically ZERO.

By comparison “overall coed skankiness … especially blonds” has been #1 recruit concern for as long as such records have been kept. 

# of tattoo parlors within a mile of campus has gained popularity in recent years.

In the NIL Era … “A local mechanic to keep my lambo fine tuned” is the latest query that recruiters are fielding. 

It is no coincidence that College Station, Tuscaloosa, Columbus OH, Clemson, Ann Arbor, and Athens have all opened Lamborghini dealerships in the past six months.   Miami and Los Angeles already had a bunch of’em.

Lane Kiffin is actively recruiting one for Oxford, MS.  “Otherwise we simply can’t compete in the SEC”

Not one 4-5 star has EVER asked “How many Rhodes Scholar have graduated from WhatsAMatta U?” … and never will.  The relevance of a Rhodes Scholar to a 17 y/o with 5th grade reading comprehension cannot be understated.

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65 Power5 Football / Basketball recruiting coordinators were asked: 

Do you mention your school’s academic ranking to a recruit?   

64 of the 65 replied:  “Only if his mamma is in the room … otherwise you’re kidding, right?”

The 65th one was “the new guy at Duke.”

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MORE of BobLeeSays – HERE

Note: My choice of “Gastonia” for Real Housewives Of ______ was totally a random choice with no offense intended to the fine housewives of Gaston County,  If I use that line again I will use “JoCo” (Johnston County) or maybe Chocowinity or maybe Lucama or Creedmoor or ……
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