July 21, 2022
OMG !! Zach & GG Did WHAT?
Yes! I am bringing back Rimshots …. a topic cornucopia concept that all of you enjoyed 10-12 years ago. Why did I discontinue it? No clue … but Rimshots is back!
Zach The Quarterback . Did WHAT … with WHO?
I love this recent OMG story, not because it is “naughty” – It IS “naughty” – but rather how the participants chose to deal with it.
The Wilson Family of Draper Utah – Mike & Lisa … oldest son Zach and five other siblings are, arguably America’s Most Famous Mormons – not named Donnie, Marie or “Mitt” … at least the past several weeks.
Zach Wilson, following a fine career as QB for BYU, was a 1st round draft choice of the eternally woeful NY Jets where he had an OK first season.
Zach is “Wheaties boxtop” handsome and until a few months ago had a “cheerleader cute” girlfriend – Abbey – since high school.
Think Annette Funicello > Valerie Bertinelli > Tiffany Amber Theissen > “Abbey The Mormon Girlfriend”.
Zach & Abbey were such a gosh darn cute couple they made your teeth hurt.
If you were going to pick a new “Adam & Eve” to re-breed the human race, Zach & Abbey would make the short list of likely couples. ….
ALAS … after one year in The Big Apple Limelight … Abbey is now “the girlfriend” of Zach’s former BYU roommate / now Washington Whatevers WR – “Dax”.
Zach’s rebound squeeze is IG “Influencer” / Thong Model “Nicolette”.
“Nicolette The Thong Model” has over 40,000 “followers” who pay $15/month to view InstaGram and TikToK pics of “Nicolette” modeling thongs. Nicolette is 20 y/o FWIW.
Zach … Abbey … Dax … & Nicolette … sounds like the cast for Saved By The Bell 2022. Who gets to be “Screech”?
JUST from what I’ve told you so far “The Legend of Zach” merits a Rimshot. Ohhh, it gets waaaaaaay better.
In her post-Zach life, sweet little Abbey decided she just HAD TO tell the social media universe that …
“Zach slept with his mom’s best friend (BFF). He is “a homie hopper”
Ya think THAT mighta had something to do with their break-up ?? Huummm.
“Slept with” is a Mormon euphemism for “had sex with” which Mormons apparently do a LOT for purposes of procreation among other reasons. How do you think their Tabernacle Choir got so big? I have no clue about “homie hoppers”.
Abbey was not specific as to When or How Often … or most importantly WHO.
Now we introduce Lisa Wilson – Zach’s mom – and BFF of Zach’s alleged “Cougar dalliance”.
The sports world met “Lisa” a year ago on NFL Draft Day. With due respect to the notorious “Tami Hansbrough” … In her mid-late 40s, Lisa was the first of what is now a Pro Sports Draft Night Tradition of “Meet The Hottie Mamma”.
“Lisa” is impossible to not notice … lots of blond hair and way-over-the-top personality. “Hottie” is a relative term, but Lisa doesn’t mind if folks see her “that way”. She encourages it.
NOTE: Just goggle Zach Wilson … for more pics of all these larger-than-life characters.
“Hottie Mamma Lisa” has 114,000 Instagram “followers”. Take THAT “Nicolette”! To be fair to “Nicolette”, Lisa does not charge to follow her on-line life.
Lisa shares her incredible life and pics of her and her “friends” … many of which are quite attractive … and one of which supposedly “knows” Lisa’s son Zach in a carnal way.
NOTE: Since “Zach’s Cougar” has yet to be identified … we should NOT assume she is “married”. Whether she is or isn’t might factor into your moral judgement on all this … or not.
Or was it just a “Mrs Robinson” thing? Thank you Simon & Garfunkel.
OK, so all the above YEE HAA goes Above The Fold Global about two weeks ago. Move over Ukraine … $6.00 / gallon gas … Hunter Biden … Jan6 Kangaroo Kourt … Brittany Griner … and every how many NFL and NBA “misunderstood” black players were arrested for stoopid thug crap. “Zach Did What?” owned the freakin’ planet.
Here’s The Best Part … IMO …
For a week after “Abbey Said” neither Zach nor Lisa said a word to any reporter or thru social media … NADA. Fan Hairballs were, of course, GOING NUTZ … Those pathetic losers LOVE anything involving “thong models” and “celebrities having sex”.
Then Zach posts on his IG account … “Hey guys, I’ve been in Idaho all week at Wayne Gretzy’s ranch … what’s going’ on? Have I missed anything?” Perfect! Tossing in “at Wayne Gretzy’s ranch” was the killer phrase.
Meanwhile Lisa posts … “Hey, media … please stop bothering all my very hot friends trying to find out which one it was …” Perfect!
The next day, Lisa posts a pic with one of the employees of her on-line jewelry business … “This is my good friend, Pam, say Hi Pam… Oh, and it wasn’t Pam! and Pam goes mock-hysterical “No No No, it wasn’t me.” Perfect.
Several days later Daddy Mike and Zach are out in public in Somewhere Utah and a fan wants a pic with Zach and asks Mike to take it … so Mike says “Ok, on three .. say MILF … 1-2 – …!” BOOM! Perfect.
Folks, I have no clue what did / did not happen but I LOVED the way The Wilson Family is dealing with it. Use deft HUMOR to disarm a for-real OMG Scandalous Situation. THAT is How You Do It.
Zach Wilson jersey sales are going thru the roof. He is now the #1 “I Wanna Be _____” to every adolescent / post-adolescent / dirty ol’ man on the planet …. a really cute Cheerleader – a for-real Thong Model – AND – a Hottie Cougar ….. THAT is like the Trifecta of “Hold My Beer” Macho-ism.
Speaking of Hottie Cougars … with this week’s marriage to Ben Affleck, JLo is just “two rings” behind Tom Brady.
Is all this simply another indication of End Of Days? Probably.
Somewhere in South Florida, a 79 year old medicare pitchman / legendary NY Jets QB from the 60s with bad knees is thinking “Damn, I gotta buy this kid a drink at Toot Shor’s. I mean Lord Have Mercy …”
*** Meanwhile deep in the bowels of The Dean Dome ***
Everything was going so darn terrific for “Coach Hubert” over in Chapel Hill, ya just knew it couldn’t last. Most of his “Almost A Miracle – K-killers” team is coming back to everyones’ surprise.
How much NIL $$$$ that is costing assorted Lower Level Fat Cats has not been leaked … yet. More than “free wings” at He’s Not Here for sure.
And Coach Hubert and his “go get’em” recruiters were doing really well by whatever standards that form of “human trafficking” is measured by. … BUT THEN …
Back in May, UNCCH signed GG Jackson from Columbia SC … The first BEST EVER MEGA 5-Star Phenom for UNCCH since “the last one” whenever that was.
Silly me, I thought UNCCH signed “Mega 5-Stars” every year ?? This GG kid was touted as The Next Zion / Kobe / LeBron / Neil Fingleton et al. Banner-makers were poised to hang at least one more next year for sure. … Uh Oh! Not so fast, my friends.
GG changed his mind …
Young GG said “my chances to realize my NBA Dream are better at Univ of South Carolina (??)”. So he has formally “decommitted” from Team Hubert in favor of the Gamecocks.
Somewhere John “Cock” Roach, Tom Owens, and Bobby Cremins are laughing their butts off.
This has to be The Most Creative “I’m decommitting from UNCCH because…” reason since NCSU LB Payton Wilson decommitted several years ago, opting for the Wolfpack “because I like to fish and I hear the fishing is better in Raleigh”.
GG’s logic might be more YEE HAA than Payton’s.
GG’s Decommit hit Franklin Street harder than the recent Roe v Wade Decision. The Chapel Hill chapter of Baby Killers ‘R Us is a for-real nasty bunch … but
Basketball is even more sacred than Abortion to those terminally constipated flesh-eating zombies. Not by much; but, it really is!
Coach Hubert will survive. He has lassoed “the next Brady Manek” from Northwestern. That will keep most die-hards from throwing themselves off the balcony of Top of The Hill in utter despair.
**** Uh Oh … This is too long… ****
Oops, I went a bit overboard on the Zach Scandal. I still have 3-4 other Rimshots … but they can wait til next time. Thats why God makes “next times”.
More BobLee Says – HERE