Nov 7, 2018
The Plight of a Football Barabbas
As College Football enters it’s annual … Down the Stretch They Come… there are still champagne wishes and caviar dreams for a handful of programs and their Braggin’Rights-lusting fan mobs.
Death Valley has attracted poachers from Tallahassee driving a Brinks truck full of Krugerrands and bearer bonds for Brent Venable and/or Jeff Scott. Uh Oh again.
That “#5 outta 4” status is temporary as either LSU or TeamNick will exit by Sunday AM… and either TheOSU or PaternoState will do so in two weeks. Alls the Dabo-ites gotta do is keep beating whoever they play… hopefully more convincingly than they did amid Kenan Jr’s lofty pines back in September.
It WILL help the Dabos to lay a Deacon-style whuppin’ on the beleaguered Wuffs this Saturday… followed by a Deacon-style whuppin’ on the Deacons next week. Whoever thought “beating Wake Forest” would qualify as a much-needed “Quality Win” for Dabo?? Ain’t THAT a hoot.
That the ACC circa 2019 is Dabo & The 13 Dwarfs isn’t Dabo’s fault… BUT ONE Oops in a cupcake schedule and its “POOF” for Clem’s “champagne wishes and…”.
IF, somehow, the Fighting Dabos are caught “looking ahead” to the Deacs and should fall to the beleaguered Wuffs – it COULD happen – the 2019 Season immediately becomes This Sucks for The Dabos. Anything other than a Final Four is “Christmas In Shreveport” for The Dabo Dynasty.
Q: What the heck does any of this have to do with Barabbas?
A: Glad you asked, young Grasshopper… sit…
First… Barabbas does have a “double b” in the middle. In case you were wondering. I have “faith” – pun intended – that most of you have heard of Barabbas even if you aren’t sure where.
That WHOOP you just heard was “Prince Albert” so excited because he knows this one. … NOTE: But PA did NOT know who Dismus was. Neither did Pastor Danny.
I don’t have much of a Millennial or Muslim audience so I’m not going to waste time explaining “Jesus Who of Where”.
FWIW… Had that mob yelled – Give Us Jesus? – and Pilate done so … PP’s preference by the way … 2000 years of Human History would have been Radically Discombobulated… BIG TIME! Not to worry… the mob asked for Barabbas and now we celebrate Easter, etc etc…
The way I am using “Barabbas” today is actually 180 degrees from the Biblical context. In King James version… Barabbas was pardoned – ERGO, Jesus was crucified and … Mankind was given an out for all its past, present, future sins. … subject to ONE tiny caveat as described in John 3:16.
If you don’t know that one, dude, You gotta look it up. IT will definitely be on The Final Exam. In fact, it IS The Final Exam.
As in Howsablout I fire Dave “Barabbas” Huxtable and we keep Dave Doeren… at least for now… OK? The buy-outs on Coordinators is chump change even if there is such a thing.
A Power5 AD facing the unpardonable inevitability of not being “bowl eligible” HAS to stick a head on a pike… or it could be His Head on a pike. Coordinators’ heads and Head Coachs’ heads are preferable to ones own head to a Power5 AD… even to Bubba or Boo.
Do you realize how Next to Freakin’ IMPOSSIBLE it is to NOT Be “Bowl Eligible” these days? It’s the equivalent of telling a 4th grader… “You get promoted to the 5th grade IF you can spell C-A-T… and here’s The “C” and the “A” …!”
For those dozen or so Major College Football programs – out of 130 or so – that actually fall short of bowl eligibility each year… There HAS to be a human sacrifice.
- Aztecs and Incas made human sacrifices for “a good corn crop”.
- Druids made human sacrifices instead of joining the EU.
- Football Juggernaut Wannabees make human sacrifices because their delusional fan bases go on Twitter and make obscene empty threats in ALLCAPS.
The more humanity evolves the more it stays the same … sigh.
NOTE: Yes, I know all about “Chihuahua” and her latest SHE DID WHAT exploits out at USC. Later…
I have never met Dave Huxtable… either before “the scruffy homeless guy persona” when he became Persona Non Grata on Burly John Bunting’s UNC staff 15 years ago … or WITH “the scruffy homeless guy persona” as Dave Doeren’s first shield before his seat gets really hot.
I never met Smilin’ John Tenuta either. Or Bud Foster. To my knowledge I’ve never met a Defensive Coordinator … or a Get Back Coach for that matter. I assume all of’em are Quite Fine Fellows although some not as much so as others… as is the case in any profession.
Dave Huxtable has been on DD’s staff from Year One I think. 7-8 years is a Lifetime for a DC NOT named Bud Foster. If “Boo gotta do what Boo gotta do” to appease the blood lust of the psycho faction of WuffNation… so be it.
When your career depends on a bunch of semi-literate 18-19 y/o zigging when they shoulda zagged, one learns not to “buy green bananas”. Still beats the hell outta being a computer programmer I’d think.
IF SO… The Huxtable Family will move on as is the Way of a Coordinator. There are 146 D-Coordinators for 132 gigs in D-1 College Football. They just keep shuffling the deck.
Kinda like the 10-12 out-of-work place kickers for those 30 or so NFL kicker gigs. Make sure every NFL personnel guy has your cell # and keep your phone handy especially on Mondays. “Monday” is the day most NFL teams fire their kicker and get a new one. Did you know that?
Are you a Jason Statham fan? Jason is to this decade what Stephen Segal was to an earlier decade. Blondie and I are big Jason Statham movie fans. I will always be a devoted Chuck Norris fan. I make no apologies and won’t think less of you if you’re not… OK, maybe a little bit. Anyhow…
I recently found – IMO – THE BEST Jason Statham movie – WILD CARD. I don’t count the Expendables series because those are All Star Reunions for every Action Star of the past 50 years.
In WILD CARD on Amazon Prime Jason plays “Nick Wild”, a bodyguard / security consultant in Las Vegas. Of the 83 minutes, easily 60 minutes is Jason wiping out dozens of really big / really bad guys… 6-8 at a time. Everyone in Vegas knows “Nick Wild doesn’t carry a gun”… he wipes out one mob mega-thug with a freakin’ credit card… and others with whatever appliance is available. No sex, just LOTS of blood and gore.
A BobLee 4.5 Stars for WILD CARD.