Sept 26, 2019
I told Blondie: “JUST SHOOT ME IF I EVER…”
Around 7:00 PM last Saturday I walked in the house and Blondie asked innocently “How’d it go… did ya have fun?”
“If I EVER accept another invitation from ANYONE to “go to a game” – JUST SHOOT ME!”
Uh Oh… I bet you got some great column fodder though. She replied. The chicken pot pie should be ready in 20 minutes…
REMINDER: Regular BLSays readers know that – I no longer embrace the American Tradition of “attending sports events”. I appreciate that the vast majority of you DO enthusiastically enjoy “said Tradition”. I don’t…
I am “the odd duck” on this issue. And on a few other issues as well.
It all started innocently enough two days earlier. I was watching The Cardinals in their first of Four Cub Killings when the IPhone 10Plus rang with the Theme From BONANZA ringtone. It was my friend of over Half a Century “Little Ricky”. … “Wassup Little Ricky?”
“Little Ricky” had an offer I coulda / I shoulda refused… but I didn’t… because it was “Little Ricky”.
“Little Ricky” was pretty sure it was “in The Blue Zone” – it was – our buddy Bailey would be joining us.
I have not been “amid the lofty pines” for going on four years and have not missed the experience even a little bit. “Little Ricky” has only been once/twice for many of the same reasons. I knew spending a few hours with “Little Ricky” and Bailey would be fun and hopefully outweigh all the extraneous crap involved in going to a game.
In retrospect… had Little Ricky, Bailey and I met at a – not too loud – sports bar for three hours, we coulda solved most of Mankind’s more pressing problems over All-You-Can-Eat wings and a few pitchers. That woulda been fun. But Noooo… we had to “go to the freakin’ game”.
Have I mentioned that “Little Ricky” is about 32 clicks FURTHER “Right” politically than I am? Anyone on “Little Ricky’s email list keeps a bottle of Hillary’s Special E-Mail Erasing Bleach on hand. We scrub our hard drives daily just in case an FBI goon squad might kick our door in… ya never know these days. “Little Ricky” gets “on a roll” about 3-4 times/day.
NOTE: Actually, “being impeached” for receiving provocative e-mails from “Little Ricky” would make a helluva column … Ya Think?
Back in the day… “Little Ricky” was a VERY undersized Middle Linebacker for a local college football team. Gotta be a special kind of crazy to do that. In 1971, Little Ricky stood in the players’ tunnel at Notre Dame Stadium. The ND fight song had 80,000 hostile fans in a hostile frame of mind. Little Ricky turned to his two teammates – Paul Miller & John Bunting – and suggested they say The Gladiators Prayer …. We who are about to die… Salute you!
So, we get to The Blue Zone along with several thousand “middle-aged plus” guys wearing Topsiders and Vineyard Vines bermuda shorts… and their bored-beyond-description wives (trophy and otherwise) and their quite bored coed daughters.
Ya Ever Noticed: At “manly events” like a football game… there is a tendency for paunchy middle-aged guys to walk around with their paunches sucked in and chests puffed out exuding an attitude of… “Yeah, I played some Defensive End back in Jr Hi… but decided my future was in Accounting.”.
This was my 4-5th Blue Zone Experience. The Blue Zone Guys do a fine job with the hospitality / free food / and the 20-30 TVs were working fine. Kudos….
It was 3:30… the Outside Heat Index was between Really Uncomfortable and Fry an Egg OnYour Seat. Little Ricky, Bailey and I opted for a sliver of shade from the overhang for about a quarter until I permanently retreated to joining all the bored wives and coed daughters INSIDE.
Kenan Stadium’s placid reputation notwithstanding… it was also TOO LOUD outside to carry on a conversation.
I totally understand why The Blue Zone HAD TO BE built in the End Zone. But anyone who tells you “thats the best place to watch a game” is trying desperately to sell you End Zone seats.
The “Best Place to watch a game” is in your living room with a 40″ HDTV and a stocked refrigerator. The End Zone at Kenan Stadium is maybe #27 on a Top Five “Best Places To” list.
The game itself had absolutely nothing to do with my “Just Shoot Me” afternoon. I had zero emotional investment in the outcome. I wish the best for Mack & Bubba, but I was as apathetically disinterested as were all the wives and daughters sitting inside The Blue Zone thinking “Can we go now, please?”
I had my trusty IPhone 10Plus, bluetooth headphones and my MLB AT BAT app. I clicked into the Cardinals VS Cubs on-line streaming feed… found a column to lean against… enjoyed two hot dogs and some sort of boneless chicken thing… and conceived most of this commentary.
With 12 minutes to go in the 4th Qrt I figured the shuttles would be running back to the Park/Ride lot so I found Little Ricky to “thank him”. He asked me if either one of us EVER needed to do this again. I said I could not imagine WHY. My old friend of fifty years laughed… and agreed.
It coulda been Carter-Finley or BB&T or The Wally or Dowdy-Ficklin. It would not have mattered. Only difference is there are probably more Topsiders and Vineyard Vines bermudas “amid those lofty pines” than at those others venues.
I think it is WONDERFUL that there are so many opportunities for Triangle-area sports fans to enjoy a College Gameday Experience … and that I will never take a ticket that prevents them from doing so …
This one could be titled Rambo Meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. A LOT of blood and gore… a graphic beheading (of a bad guy) and a bodycount of Mexican human-trafficers that easily exceeds 50. NOT recommended for kiddos or snowflakes who require counseling if they see a red ballcap.
PS: There are a coupla new SAID WHAT? posts up (LINK) … BUT BEWARE – They are Provocative Political Punditry and NOT intended for about 40% of The American Public… or 98.9% of Chapel Hill citizenry.