Admission-gate: The Ultimate Solution… & a Mack2.0 Update !!

College Admissions
BobLee
March17/ 2019

BL LOGO

Re: Admission-Gate… & MACK2.0 WANTS WHAT!!!

& Wilber’s BBQ too

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NOTE: This column is sorta lengthy. Couldn’t be helped… High Quality Fodder!

I waited a few days for everyone to postulate Elite College Admission-gate to a fare-the-well before I drop the Ultimate Solution on you.

And… I have a MACK2.0 Update that will have you chortling up a storm.

And… a few comments about Wilber’s BBQ too.

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Theres More

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Is there anything more fun for us Great Unwashed than the “Beautiful People” trying to explain to a convenience store clerk why their Black Platinum Titanium credit card was rejected while trying to buy a Mr Goodbar and a Diet Mountain Dew at 2 AM…

There MUST be a mistake!  Doesn’t your credit card computer thingy Know Who I Am? … or I used to be ….. Harrumph!”

THAT is basically what hit the entitled residents of 90210 last week with Elite College Admission-gate. Luke Perry dies and the whole freakin’ zip code goes to hell in a way over-priced Gucci handbag.

NOTE: Prince Albert didn’t get any of that.

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INSERT PERSONAL ANECDOTE… a dozen plus years ago, maybe as many as fifteen, I took Kid with me to the Elizabeth Glazer Pediatric Aids Celebrity Golf Thing at Riviera Country Club in Santa Monica CA. Elizabeth Glazer was the late wife of “Starsky” AKA Paul Michael Glazer. T’was a star-studded event for sure.

In a ballroom full of Actually Famous… Sorta Famous… Used-to-be Famous… and a lot of cosmetic surgeons, dermatologists and Life Coaches… Kid spotted a dumpy little guy with no one to talk to… so she went over and talked to Kevin James. King of Queens was brand new and Mall Cop was five years away. He was just “a dumpy little guy over in the corner”.

Earlier in the day, Kid had been photographed with a weird old man named “Jack” (Nicholson) and “Sylvester” somebody.

Leaving Kevin James, she rejoined me to report she had spied…

Loro Mossimo

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Lori Loughlin and “Mossimo”. YIKES!

Kid knew that “Mossimo” was The Designer for Target (?) and, of course, everyone knew Lori Loughlin was the sweet and charming “Aunt Becky” on Full House.

I’d love to report that Kid said… Dad, I don’t trust those two. I think they are up to no good …but she just thought it was all quite exciting. … and indeed it was.

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Raise you hand if you have always known that enough $$$ can get your kids into pretty much any Elite College in America. The key is “enough” and how much of “enough” you staple to the application.

Duke and Stanford’s Admissions Depts accept unmarked non-sequential Euros, Krugerrands, bearer bonds, and Yen. Rumor has it, Yale once took in a herd of goats from a desperate Junior Sheik from Abu Dabi.

WHAT?  You say “your school” doesn’t do that?  Well, I did qualify it was “Elite” schools.

If there is anything more undeserving of admiration than “show biz celebrities” it is “Elite Colleges”.  Last week’s News Story of The Week about show biz celebs scamming the system to get their vapid wastrel prodigy into Elite Colleges had all the nutritional value of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ colonoscopy x-ray.

I’m all for any/all elaborate public humiliation to be heaped upon Loughlin/Mossimo and Felicity Huffman – AKA The Other Desperate Housewife not ever married to Tony Parker or played Lois Lane. Her hubby William H. Macy plays in a Showtime series called Shameless which is just too coincidental.

32 of the 33 indicted so far in Admission-gate are Big Lib/Dem Donor-activists!  Just a coincidence, I’m sure.  I think the other one was a Scientologist or a Druid.

They paid some sleazeball to change SAT scores. Yawn… John Calipari did that for Derrick Rose and it’s been done in college sports recruiting for as long as anyone can remember. DUH!

“Changing a score” is lots easier than arranging for someone to take the test for them. With any scam, the fewer people involved the better.

Same with Voter Fraud. Having dead people vote multiple times is so 20th century passe… now operatives simply hack into the voting computers and change the totals for whichever candidate is paying them. Voter ID doesn’t really matter anymore. … keeping paper ballots is what is critical now. … How did we get sidetracked into that?

Change SAT scores to get the academically apathetic in school where they can then enroll in paper classes and be given undeserved A’s to stay eligible… nothing new or complicated here, folks.

Pretending to be athletically-deserving IS a new twist. Photoshop your vapid wastrel kid’s face onto someone holding a paddle and claim they are worthy of admission to XYZ Elite School as a world-class “crew” athlete ?  Who thinks up crap like that?

The only reason these vapid wastrel kids want to “go to college” is to “party” and meet other privileged vapid wastrel kids for the all-important “contacts” in later life. There is no such thing as having too many vapid wastrel contacts in one’s smartphone.

Isn’t that more honest than “my parents say I have to” or “I dunno… it just sounds cool.”?

If Reality TV has taught us anything it is that with enough Mommy Daddy $$$ one can enjoy a shallow vapid lifestyle until … well, let’s not worry about “until”.

We can solve all this elaborate flimflammery very easily.  Totally eliminating the sleazeball with the SAT eraser and photoshopping the paddle picture…

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Colleges already have Eligibility Majors for academically-apathetic athletes… Why not Social Admissions for academically-apathetic vapid wastrel kids of wealthy celebrity parents who expect special privileges because…

BobLee’s “Social Admissions”The Ultimate Solution

Pay full tuition PLUS a special 20% service charge per semester and your vapid kid gets an official I’m a sorta for-real student – ID and all the privileges there-to… except there are no messy academic requirements whatsoever.

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A “social membership” at a ritzy Country Club comes with everything but golf / tennis privileges. A “social admission” to XYZ Elite School comes with everything but “academics”.

You can “hang out” on campus… …play frisbee on The Quad … …sit in the student section at sports events… …join a frat or sorority… …attend We Hate Trump, Jews and Bad Hair Days rallies… …get drunk or high… …have total guilt-free sex with any he/she/it you please… …get quickie abortions at the student clinic… et al.  All the cool stuff “real students” do.

Instead of “going to class” you can watch podcasts on How lip gloss is named … or What does IKEA mean … or How to get an invite to Taylor Swift’s Halloween Party… or…

One can be “a Social Admittee” for up to eight years. After that you pay $200,000/year and can be a Socially Tenured Faculty Member. Again, with no academic stuff. You hang out around campus with a $5,300 Hermes Birkin Bag full of “test papers” (wink!) that you pull out at Starbucks and pretend to grade until another cool person walks up and says “Hi… ya wanna go have a veggie burger or have sex or something…?” … and you do.

I’m still working out the details. I plan on doing a GoFundMe with the whole concept and a national roll-out next Fall. Want in?

.Theres More

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Long Time Reliable Source Reports…..   What MACK2.0 Wants NOW… YOU’RE GONNA LOVE THIS…

Thursday, after practice, Mack Brown 2.0 told “the media” that he was going to meet with Rams Club Fat Cats on Friday to tell them he MUST HAVE a new locker room ASAP. Not a “request” but a MUST… Expected cost around $7-8,000,000. WHOA!… It’s gets better.

Apparently Mack2.0 is running into objections from in-demand Blue-Chippers.  UNC’s current Football locker room lacks sufficient CHARGING STATIONS.

Dave Doeren was “ahead of the curve” 3-4 years ago when he added “more charging stations” to NC State’s Murphy Center.  Kudos to DD!  No mention of whether or not “even Wake Forest has lots of charging stations”.

Mack2.0 wants LOTS MORE CHARGING STATIONSand Helmets Dryers ??? Apparently damp helmets are a major concern among semi-literate 4-5 stars when choosing a college these days.  Who knew?

I’m guessing Six Flags Over Death Valley / AKA DaboWorld has lots of Helmet Dryers?

If Mack2.0 is going to try and OutDabo Dabo, the Rams Club Fats Cats better start selling off some of their “prime bottom land” and “family jewels”. The price to play Big Time College Football – Mack2.0 Style is going UP – UP – and AWAY ….

So long as it’s Fat Cat $$$ … who cares?
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Wilbers.
Thanks again to Reader Doug for the heads up on Wilber’s BBQ going dark … as I predicted – OF COURSE – last month in that awesome BBQ Column – LINK

FWIW… Far be it for me to defend a government bureaucracy… but “Wilber’s” knew 8-10 years in advance about the new Hwy 70 Bypass that totally wiped out his “beach traffic” business.   Plenty of time to relocate or otherwise plan for the inevitable.

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2,000+ More BobLeeSays Columns … LINK

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BobLee

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Mayberry Jim
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Mayberry Jim

I don’t recall ever seeing those words used together, but “vapid wastrel” just cracked me up, conjuring up so many stereotypical images. You’d be surprised how many hits you get when you google “vapid wastrel”.

Dr Wire
Guest

There is nothing to add to the Elite college pay to play beyond your excellent perspective and a great opinion piece by Peggy Noonan in last Saturday’s WSJ. She can be very wise when she takes off her anti-Trump glasses. . Mack 2.0 is realizing quickly that unX football facilities are >5 years behind the curve and a new and improved Dean E Smith is top priority. In Mack 1.0 he had a tremendous facilities and recruiting advantage vs the other NC programs complimented by a NCAA legitimized athletic academic program that graduated scholars like Julius Peppers and Greg Ellis… Read more »

Former96Heel
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Former96Heel

Higher ed has no market force the be competitive, other than someone wanting a degree from a cache school, and even then, price is not an issue. The powers that be made all of us mere citizens co-signers for anyone going to school. We see how selective that process is. They will lend you an infinite amount with no discretion on what your earning capability is. . If you thought the housing mess 10 years ago was bad, the student loan mess on the horizon is way worse. You can sell an asset, foreclose on the house, have a car… Read more »

ENC1
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ENC1

So now your parents pay “extra” for you to get in the college of your choice or where your parents want you go. We also now have Liberal Studies ( you think Libs on campus will take credit for this major) or General Studies for students who cannot pass all the others majors available. SMH at higher education it has become a business aka make money for all the administration and faculty they don’t need.

DM Carpenter
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DM Carpenter

I wonder if any of these Hollyweird and Northeastern FatCats ever bribed someone to get their kid(s) into my elite Alma M., the Benning School for Boys? Nah, never happened.

robedixon
Guest
robedixon

FWIW…McCalls closed what appeared to anyone who dined there a profitable restaurant in Clayton NC about a year ago. The place stayed full and we dined there on occasion. The stated reason was to gear down as the owners neared retirement. They sold it to someone who got stupid and tried their own idea instead of just continuing the previous successful dining approach. It failed within a few months. . My son who sells them meat told me that they were profitable so….. As for the McCalls that operates across the street from Wilburs they have lots of local biz… Read more »

Former96heel
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Former96heel

Rams club must use dot accounting for construction. A good electrician could add enough charging stations to power a fleet of Teslas for 5% that cost. Drying rack for 100 helmets, is that really millions of dollars? Toss in hd game stations and you’re up to what a million? . The real joke is when they ask for more academic advisors, study halls, and athlete friendly courses. About 5 years from now and those recruits will not have seen born during TGU. ‘‘Tis why the school will never see a dime from me again. It’s like donating to the state… Read more »

Camvilpack
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Camvilpack

Hit POST before adding a sarcastic comment about my “correction” – as always, a very enjoyable and humorous post by you, sir!

Camvilpack
Guest
Camvilpack

I only have one comment/correction. Social memberships at country clubs do give you tennis privileges. Sometimes you can even use the driving range. You just lose golf course privileges.

James Taylor
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James Taylor

AT LAST! Back to what you do best! Skewer the things that really matter and stay away from politics.

NCSU68Grad
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NCSU68Grad

I had read the article outing the DEMOCRATIC Fat Cats that we’re involved in AdmissionGate….I did not realize there was one of the Right Winger Republicans involved. Just shows that WILLIE Singer really does NOT have any redeeming moral qualities. . Sounds like Mack 2.0 has a “consultant”….Butch Davis. Butch would be in the same scumball classification as Jim Harrick (GOTT hired him while AD Yow was recovering from getting a new hip). There is NO truth in the rumor that Yow’s hip went out when she carried the 16 YO Gottfried around….on her RIGHT hip. . Wilbur MIGHT be… Read more »

Doug
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Doug

I knew when you wrote about Wilber’s you had some inside info. But did you know that neither Guvnor Roy nor the NC Democratic Party of which I’m a member -not in good standing apparently if one disagrees with the political direction- has responded to my numerous requests for an explanation for why barbecue restaurants are failing in droves under their watch? . The NC Supreme Court seems to be doing OK for Democrats by 6-1 but the favorite BBQ joints of my youth – adulthood are O-fer in 2018-19. Not nary a word. And nothing from anyone in State… Read more »

Jack.Gsbo
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Jack.Gsbo

Was the College Admissions Scandal even “news” only because it involved Hollywood celebs?