Admission-gate: The Ultimate Solution... & a Mack2.0 Update !!

Re: Admission-Gate… & MACK2.0 WANTS WHAT!!!

& Wilber’s BBQ too

NOTE: This column is sorta lengthy. Couldn’t be helped… High Quality Fodder!

I waited a few days for everyone to postulate Elite College Admission-gate to a fare-the-well before I drop the Ultimate Solution on you.

And… I have a MACK2.0 Update that will have you chortling up a storm.

And… a few comments about Wilber’s BBQ too.

Is there anything more fun for us Great Unwashed than the “Beautiful People” trying to explain to a convenience store clerk why their Black Platinum Titanium credit card was rejected while trying to buy a Mr Goodbar and a Diet Mountain Dew at 2 AM…

“There MUST be a mistake! Doesn’t your credit card computer thingy Know Who I Am? … or I used to be ….. Harrumph!”

THAT is basically what hit the entitled residents of 90210 last week with Elite College Admission-gate. Luke Perry dies and the whole freakin’ zip code goes to hell in a way over-priced Gucci handbag.

NOTE: Prince Albert didn’t get any of that.

INSERT PERSONAL ANECDOTE… a dozen plus years ago, maybe as many as fifteen, I took Kid with me to the Elizabeth Glazer Pediatric Aids Celebrity Golf Thing at Riviera Country Club in Santa Monica CA. Elizabeth Glazer was the late wife of “Starsky” AKA Paul Michael Glazer. T’was a star-studded event for sure.

In a ballroom full of Actually Famous… Sorta Famous… Used-to-be Famous… and a lot of cosmetic surgeons, dermatologists and Life Coaches… Kid spotted a dumpy little guy with no one to talk to… so she went over and talked to Kevin James. King of Queens was brand new and Mall Cop was five years away. He was just “a dumpy little guy over in the corner”.

Earlier in the day, Kid had been photographed with a weird old man named “Jack” (Nicholson) and “Sylvester” somebody.

Leaving Kevin James, she rejoined me to report she had spied…

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Lori Loughlin and “Mossimo”. YIKES!

Kid knew that “Mossimo” was The Designer for Target (?) and, of course, everyone knew Lori Loughlin was the sweet and charming “Aunt Becky” on Full House.

I’d love to report that Kid said… Dad, I don’t trust those two. I think they are up to no good …but she just thought it was all quite exciting. … and indeed it was.

Raise you hand if you have always known that enough $$$ can get your kids into pretty much any Elite College in America. The key is “enough” and how much of “enough” you staple to the application.

Duke and Stanford’s Admissions Depts accept unmarked non-sequential Euros, Krugerrands, bearer bonds, and Yen. Rumor has it, Yale once took in a herd of goats from a desperate Junior Sheik from Abu Dabi.

WHAT? You say “your school” doesn’t do that? Well, I did qualify it was “Elite” schools.

If there is anything more undeserving of admiration than “show biz celebrities” it is “Elite Colleges”. Last week’s News Story of The Week about show biz celebs scamming the system to get their vapid wastrel prodigy into Elite Colleges had all the nutritional value of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ colonoscopy x-ray.

I’m all for any/all elaborate public humiliation to be heaped upon Loughlin/Mossimo and Felicity Huffman – AKA The Other Desperate Housewife not ever married to Tony Parker or played Lois Lane. Her hubby William H. Macy plays in a Showtime series called Shameless which is just too coincidental.

32 of the 33 indicted so far in Admission-gate are Big Lib/Dem Donor-activists! Just a coincidence, I’m sure. I think the other one was a Scientologist or a Druid.

They paid some sleazeball to change SAT scores. Yawn… John Calipari did that for Derrick Rose and it’s been done in college sports recruiting for as long as anyone can remember. DUH!

“Changing a score” is lots easier than arranging for someone to take the test for them. With any scam, the fewer people involved the better.

Same with Voter Fraud. Having dead people vote multiple times is so 20th century passe… now operatives simply hack into the voting computers and change the totals for whichever candidate is paying them. Voter ID doesn’t really matter anymore. … keeping paper ballots is what is critical now. … How did we get sidetracked into that?

Change SAT scores to get the academically apathetic in school where they can then enroll in paper classes and be given undeserved A’s to stay eligible… nothing new or complicated here, folks.

Pretending to be athletically-deserving IS a new twist. Photoshop your vapid wastrel kid’s face onto someone holding a paddle and claim they are worthy of admission to XYZ Elite School as a world-class “crew” athlete ? Who thinks up crap like that?

The only reason these vapid wastrel kids want to “go to college” is to “party” and meet other privileged vapid wastrel kids for the all-important “contacts” in later life. There is no such thing as having too many vapid wastrel contacts in one’s smartphone.

Isn’t that more honest than “my parents say I have to” or “I dunno… it just sounds cool.”?

If Reality TV has taught us anything it is that with enough Mommy Daddy $$$ one can enjoy a shallow vapid lifestyle until … well, let’s not worry about “until”.

We can solve all this elaborate flimflammery very easily. Totally eliminating the sleazeball with the SAT eraser and photoshopping the paddle picture…

Colleges already have Eligibility Majors for academically-apathetic athletes… Why not Social Admissions for academically-apathetic vapid wastrel kids of wealthy celebrity parents who expect special privileges because…

BobLee’s “Social Admissions” – The Ultimate Solution

Pay full tuition PLUS a special 20% service charge per semester and your vapid kid gets an official I’m a sorta for-real student – ID and all the privileges there-to… except there are no messy academic requirements whatsoever.

A “social membership” at a ritzy Country Club comes with everything but golf / tennis privileges. A “social admission” to XYZ Elite School comes with everything but “academics”.

You can “hang out” on campus… …play frisbee on The Quad … …sit in the student section at sports events… …join a frat or sorority… …attend We Hate Trump, Jews and Bad Hair Days rallies… …get drunk or high… …have total guilt-free sex with any he/she/it you please… …get quickie abortions at the student clinic… et al. All the cool stuff “real students” do.

Instead of “going to class” you can watch podcasts on How lip gloss is named … or What does IKEA mean … or How to get an invite to Taylor Swift’s Halloween Party… or…

One can be “a Social Admittee” for up to eight years. After that you pay $200,000/year and can be a Socially Tenured Faculty Member. Again, with no academic stuff. You hang out around campus with a $5,300 Hermes Birkin Bag full of “test papers” (wink!) that you pull out at Starbucks and pretend to grade until another cool person walks up and says “Hi… ya wanna go have a veggie burger or have sex or something…?” … and you do.

I’m still working out the details. I plan on doing a GoFundMe with the whole concept and a national roll-out next Fall. Want in?

Long Time Reliable Source Reports….. What MACK2.0 Wants NOW… YOU’RE GONNA LOVE THIS…

Thursday, after practice, Mack Brown 2.0 told “the media” that he was going to meet with Rams Club Fat Cats on Friday to tell them he MUST HAVE a new locker room ASAP. Not a “request” but a MUST… Expected cost around $7-8,000,000. WHOA!… It’s gets better.

Apparently Mack2.0 is running into objections from in-demand Blue-Chippers. UNC’s current Football locker room lacks sufficient CHARGING STATIONS.

Dave Doeren was “ahead of the curve” 3-4 years ago when he added “more charging stations” to NC State’s Murphy Center. Kudos to DD! No mention of whether or not “even Wake Forest has lots of charging stations”.

Mack2.0 wants LOTS MORE CHARGING STATIONS… and Helmets Dryers ??? Apparently damp helmets are a major concern among semi-literate 4-5 stars when choosing a college these days. Who knew?

I’m guessing Six Flags Over Death Valley / AKA DaboWorld has lots of Helmet Dryers?

If Mack2.0 is going to try and OutDabo Dabo, the Rams Club Fats Cats better start selling off some of their “prime bottom land” and “family jewels”. The price to play Big Time College Football – Mack2.0 Style is going UP – UP – and AWAY ….

So long as it’s Fat Cat $$$ … who cares?
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Thanks again to Reader Doug for the heads up on Wilber’s BBQ going dark … as I predicted – OF COURSE – last month in that awesome BBQ Column – LINK …

FWIW… Far be it for me to defend a government bureaucracy… but “Wilber’s” knew 8-10 years in advance about the new Hwy 70 Bypass that totally wiped out his “beach traffic” business. Plenty of time to relocate or otherwise plan for the inevitable.