The College Basketball Scandal... "like a hooker stealing your wallet"

College Basketball Scandal… “like a hooker stealing your wallet”

So this jamoke is traveling on business and encounters a “working girl” in the Ramada Inn lounge. Blah blah yadda yadda… and he wakes up the next morning and “she” and his wallet are both gone. He calls the police and wants to file a report that “a hooker stole my wallet”.

Officer O’Malley asks “did you know she was a hooker?” “Sure” said jamoke… “but I didn’t think she would steal my wallet”. “That’s what hookers do, sir” … “OK, so what do you suggest I do now?” … “Tell your wife you left it (the wallet) in a cab.” …

If “your school” is competitive in Big Time College Basketball… getting your wallet stolen is inevitable… figuratively speaking.

All you have to remember is…

Every School Cheats…. EXCEPT “your school”.

I could reuse “marrying a stripper” for this latest College Athletics Scandal. That one worked really well with a previous “OMG… college athletics is a REALLY REALLY dirty business…” involving The Butcher of Kenan. Then I could be accused of being a creature of habit.

Unlike everybody else on the Internet I do not know how devastating this current SCANDAL epidemic will be… Nor do I have a solution for it. OK… yes, I do; but I’m not giving it away free here.

“Cleaning up college sports” is even more impossible than “draining the DC Swamp”.

No one really cares if College Sports is “cleaned up”.

They just want their hated rival’s program reduced to a pile of rubble.

If you think “just pay the players” will solve anything… you probably think Enterprise Rent-A-Car deleting 50% of their client base will stop crazy SOBs from doing evil things to children and other innocent people.

RELAX… This is NOT going to be a Gun Column.

FWIW… I don’t have a solution to THAT issue either. But everyone else on Twitter and Facebook does. Pick the ones that agree with your pre-conceived notion and dismiss anyone who doesn’t agree with you as being “idiots”. You probably already do that. I certainly do. …. Oh, and No, I am not a member of NRA … or The Rams Club or The Wolfpack Club or The Iron Dukes. I’m not a “joiner” kinda guy.

Never forget why we all come to the Internet… to hopefully find a few people almost as smart and intuitive as we are. Most days, alas, we don’t.

OK, back to College Basketball Scandal. My best guess on how devastating will this be is…

In addition to Sean Miller, there will be 3-4 lesser names (who cares?) “do the perp walk”. Maybe one more Big Name. There WILL be a March Madness.

Arizona cannot fire Sean Miller “for cause” but CAN fire him “just because…”. Don’t waste time thinking about it. We are officially “down the rabbit hole”. Making sense is the last thing anyone wants to do.

Right now there are Fat Cats in Tucson AZ saying EXACTLY what Fat Cats at UNCCH and Louisville said when it was their turn in The IR.

“IR” is NCIS lingo for Interrogation Room. Gray metal desk, two chairs and that big mirror that even Roy knows is a one-way glass. Roy DOES know that doesn’t he. Does Roy watch NCIS? Kirschner better tell him just in case…

Jethro Gibbs Rule #14: Never Interrupt Gibbs When he is doing an interrogation..

Fat Cats / Admins at Louisville did finally “grow a pair”. Fat Cats/Admins at UNCCH… well you know how that went down.

There is a manual called The Official What To Say When No One Is Going To Believe Anything You Say Anyway.

The foreward in that manual was co-written by John Gotti and Bernie Madoff.

There is a version for Big Time coaches… one for Fat Cats… and one for Univ Administrators. No one bothered to write one for “board monkeys” because no one but other board monkeys pay them any attention.

PLEASE tell me you are NOT reading board monkey fecal flingings about any of this. Have I not taught you anything in 20+ years? You are reading the equivalent of bus station toilet stall walls.

Remember Ol’ Roy claims he never heard of Fats Thomas or Julius Nyang’oro. Chances of Roy ever hearing of these agents or their bag men are ZERO. That’s why Roy only drinks Diet Coke… it’s the only soft drink he can remember. Roy has memory issues among other issues.

Unlike Kindly Ol’ Governor Jim Martin… odds are that The FBIers WILL talk to Roy. Maybe it will be James Comey and he and Roy can swap Trump jokes. Don’t laugh… it could happen.

NOTE: How come UNC’s Brendon Haywood played in the NBA for 20 years but needed a loan from an agent weasel for a few $100 bucks? Bad investments??… or too many baby mammas ???

NC Staters are running away from Dennis Smith Jr faster than Nyheim Hines ran away from UNC DBs back in November in The Carter… and THAT was FAST!

If you are in a Scavenger Hunt at NC State and one of your items is Find a State Fan who admits he wanted Frau Yow to (1) keep Gottfried… or (2) Hire Sean Miller. Good luck with either of those.

Good thing Frau never put up a statue to Mark Gottfried outside PNC. That would be coming down faster than those UNC National Championship signs around Raleigh. … and THAT was very fast too.

I appreciate that Wuff Coach KK hasn’t been around long enough to have much of an “evidence trail” at NC State but having “Tricky Ricky” Pitino as a mentor is like being Jeffrey Dahmer’s roommate and never once asking “Yo Jeff, whats that smell?”.

Over at Cameron Indoor, Team K is having nightmares involving Myron Pigge. Nothing involving “indiscretions” by “hated Triangle-area rivals” is EVER forgotten.

Yeah, sure we dealt with Myron to get Meggette but it was just that once. … and Bill Clinton never inhaled… Obama never listened to Jeremiah Wright’s sermons… and Hillary hardly knew Vince Foster.

When it comes to circling the wagons when Scandal Clouds are hovering… the Franklin Street Gang has the advantage. They just came out of an eight-year siege. The question for UNCCH will be can they replenish their war chests with enough Fat Cat $$$ to rehire their “mob lawyers”.

This will be a fast developing story. We will do what we can to tell you what we think you need to know. In the meantime, any time Roy says anything just giggle.

Speaking of “need to know”… surely you are aware that the 12th Anniversary of The Duke Lacrosse Scandal is coming up… March 13. WHERE WERE YOU when you first heard the words… “Mike Nifong – Crystal Gail Mangum … honor student and single mother of two”?

Just the first of Oh-So-Many Triangle-area Scandals in The New Millennium. I wonder if Rielle Hunter knew Fats Thomas… or Myron Pigge? Where is “Young Marvin” these days? Speaking of “where is….” – John Blake – “Who” is no longer on the Buffalo Bills’ staff.

PS: Bre’r Kennel Update… Bre’r was sighted last week in The Kennel Seat at Doak Field yelling at the umpire. That bodes well for his returning to “normal” (?) from his heart surgery.