Not “like a rented mule” but… and Baker / Barry / Schiano…

November28/ 2017

Not “like a rented mule” but…

it WAS 8 of the last 11… PLUS

NC State beat UNCCH again… but not “like a rented mule”.  It was a Victory for sure but not “a whuppin'” as was anticipated a month earlier.  The outcome was in doubt until the final 5:00.  It was the 8th Win in the past 11 meetings between the Hated Rival WITH an IPF (Indoor Practice Facility) and the Hated Rival that does not have an IPF… yet.

NC State’s invaluable IPF Advantage will go by the wayside when the sister institutions meet amid Kenan’s lofty pines next Autumn. In a Kenan Stadium with far more “chair seats” than Carter-Finley has. Will the “chair seats” imbalance be the strategic advantage that Old Wellers envision?  Time will tell… . Who has the most “charging stations” is forever in flux.

Certainly the “better team” won on the field this day… but I got the impression this one victory did not make up for the Worst NCAA Decision in Recorded History. Given an “either / or” of winning this one game… OR seeing 2-3 banners ripped from the rafters of St. Dean’s Dome… and Ol’ Roy tarred and feathered and chained beneath the hindquarters of a flatulent jackass… many among the 60,000+ woulda opted for the latter.

I was among the 60,000+ on-hand Saturday afternoon courtesy of the generous hospitality of THE Bob Kennel. BK was the perfect host i.e. abiding by the Strict No Politics edict.

Light-hearted conviviality was the order of the perfect Fall afternoon.

There was absolutely nothing more that Bob nor NC State officials could have done to improve upon the quality of the experience… not “chairs with beverage holders” nor “better Wi-Fi” nor “paper towels in the rest rooms” nor…

Oh… I noted that Carter-Finley Stadium still has Gender Specific rest rooms. If legislative redistricting changes that remains to be seen. “Redistricting” and “Gerrymandering” are interchangeable synonyms based on which side is doing it.

FWIW… I still prefer the assorted creature comforts of my Home Theater i.e. living room to “being there”. At some point in the future I hope to experience a game at Camp Randall Stadium in Madison otherwise maybe this was my last ever “being there”.

The 2017 Mack Brown Cup… Duke’s somewhat surprising win over Wake Forest gave the 2017 Mythical “Mack Brown” State Championship to Duke at 2-0.  Alas, it is no longer a true round robin as UNC and Wake and State and Duke no longer play one another on an annual basis. They should of course, but they don’t and likely won’t… but they oughta.

It SHOULD be a 5-way annual competition including ECU but that won’t happen either. That ECU was gosh-awful this season doesn’t matter. No word if Larry Fedora will be ordering “We finished 4th in The Mack Brown Cup in 2017” rings. I hope not.

It must be noted again that ALL THREE of the in-state teams that finished ahead of The Fedorians this season HAVE INDOOR PRACTICE FACILITIES… aka “IPFs”.

I don’t follow “recruiting” for the same reason I don’t follow “the price of tea in China” but apparently some 4-star linebacker un-committed to UNC last week and showed up on the NC State sidelines. That, as you can imagine, sent shock waves thru local board monkey factions.

While Carter-Finley goings-on were important locally, there were other goings-on grabbing the much brighter national spotlight.


South Carolina Fans brought shame and disgrace to their university by throwing bottles on the field at Williams-Brice Stadium. Clemson DID beat them “like a rented mule”. Hopefully those miscreants were incarcerated and subjected to unspeakable horrors deep in the bowels of a Columbia hoosegow… but I doubt it.

Meanwhile out in Norman Oklahoma… OU QB Baker Mayfield is the odds-on favorite to “win The Heisman”. Last week as Mayfield’s Mayfied crotchSooners were destroying the Kansas Jayhawks, QB Mayfield “grabbed his crotch” while prowling the sidelines. Obviously a camera caught him doing it. Baker’s televised “crotch grab” was in retaliation for KU players not shaking his hand at the coin-toss. …


Baker’s retaliatory “crotch grab” made national headlines forcing OU’s Wunderkin coach Lincoln “The Kid” Riley to impose disciplinary action on his star. Baker – per Coach Riley’s decision – would not start OU’s final home game versus West Virginia… and his tri-captain status was revoked.

Baker’s teammates in a symbolic show of unity for their suspended fellow Sooner took one of Baker’s jerseys with them to midfield for the OU-WVU coin toss. Apparently, there was not time to sew We Love Baker patches on all their jerseys nor paint his # on their shoes or the other scripted crap these semi-literate cretins  do.  “Kneeling for the OU alma mater” was not an option.

Baker’s disciplinary suspension lasted all of TWO plays. Leaving one to wonder how harsh it mighta been if Mayfield had yelled “Jayhawks Suck” or stuck out his tongue while “grabbing his crotch”. …


Legendary Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer had to get in the act. Barry blamed Baker’s “crotch grab” NOT on Baker but on Madonna and SwitzerMichael Jackson who, according to Coach Switzer, “started it”. Yeeeee Haa.

Somewhere Will Rogers, Carrie Underwood and “The Boz” held a group hug and wept.

Begging the question… when Barry’s thug-aletes were firing AK-47s off the roof of the OU Jock dorm in the early 80s. whose fault was THAT?

On a normal week in Big Time College Football the Baker / Barry Crotch Grab mighta been Absurdity #1… but Noooooo. Not this week. For that we go to ….

Rocky Top… Knoxville Tennessee… Home of checkerboard end zones… Where America first learned to ALWAYS be sure Lane Kiffin is miked… because ya never know what he might say. … Also where Peyton “mooned a she-trainer”… and where every time a thug-alete rapes a coed or holds up a 7-11 the “he said” always win… unless “he” is a walk-on in which case, who cares.

With Baker’s crotch grab as a baseline… what could the rabid denizens of Rocky Top possibly do to “top it”?

UTenn had finally fired the much-maligned Butch Jones a week or so earlier after letting him twist in the wind for the past year or so.

Since firing Phil Fullmer in 2008, Tennessee has had more Head Football Coaches than Khloe Kardashian has had boyfriends. That is A LOT!

In a very close competition with three or four others, Univ of Tennessee is, arguably, the most consistently dysfunctional Athletics Dept in The Western Hemisphere.  On the rare occasion they get anything right, they are more shocked than everyone else.

OF COURSE Rocky Toppers figured they would get Jon Gruden to be their next sacrificial coach because… well, why not. Following two weeks of faux Gruden sightings all across Eastern Tennessee including one of a left hand holding a corn dog at Dollywood that “is probably Jon Gruden’s left hand”. … I betcha that left hand was Randy Parton’s but thats just my guess.

So with their fan base knee-walking drunk on totally bogus Gruden sightings… the poor sap who is going to be “the most recently fired UT AD” announced he was going to hire Greg Schiano.

Schiano was the sort of “Savior of Rutgers” who was fired after two bad seasons at Tampa Bay (during which The Butcher of Kenan was “a consultant”)… Schiano was/is Def Coor for Urban Meyer at Ohio State.

Somewhere between “shake on it” and “crossing the I’s and dotting the T’s” a notorious talk show host in Nashville – Clay Travis – got wind of it.

Clay Brooke

This is the same “Clay Travis” that made CNN’s Brooke Baldwin (UNC’01) blush by saying “I like boobs” live on-air. He also really hates ESPN and inserts F-bombs in every other sentence. Just the kinda guy that could / did blow up the UT / Schiano Hiring in less than 24 hours.

NOTE:  Brooke (UNC’01) always has this expression like she just received a text “Brooke, a coyote just ate your…” and she doesn’t know who it’s from.  I bet she has far fewer friends than she thinks she has.

So Travis goes on Twitter and rallies thousands of goggle-eyed delusional Rocky Toppers to lay siege to all things UT… meltdown their servers… and succeeded in unhiring Greg Schiano faster than you can say SCHIANO WAS AT PENN STATE WHEN JERRY SANDUSKY WAS DOING WHAT HE DID… OMG!

No grainy pics of Greg Schiano cavorting with Charlie Rose, John Conyers or Al Franken have surfaced … yet. I assume Clay Travis was saving those if the OMG JERRY SANDUSKY gambit had not worked.

Now Big Time College Football has its latest strategy for delusional fan bases to scuttle the hiring of anyone not named Jon Gruden to come and “awaken their sleeping giant”.

On Tuesday AM that same ‘left hand holding a corn dog” from Dollywood was seen holding a jelly doughnut in Starkville, Mississippi.  That SEC is A HOOT ain’t it!

There are a dozen or so coaching vacancies right now with dozens more to come as dominos fall. NONE of those vacancies will be filled by Jon Gruden so expect at least 6-8 more “Schiano-esque” fan base twitter-riots.

Whether Clay Travis will actively orchestrate them or simply be “a consultant” is unclear.

If I was producing Clay Travis’ radio show. I would be trying to get Barry Switzer (or Madonna) on as a guest… wouldn’t you?


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