USMNT LOST… OMG!… What’s A USMNT?

USMNT
BobLee
October12/ 2017

A USMNT TGU… OMG! OMG! OMG!

What jolted me awake yesterday at 5:00 AM?  My well-honed circadian (sp?) rhythm usually has me up&at’em at 5:30. Something was amiss in The Universe…. This Internet Legend rep I bear had gone TILT.

It didn’t take long for all to be unveiled. Had the NCAA Verdict for UNCCH’s Crime of The Millennium finally come in? Was the scaffolding being erected in Dean’s Dome for the immediate removal of ALL the freakin banners. Except the Helms’ Thingy. The NCAA has no jurisdiction over that one.

Well it certainly was a GU – Great Unpleasantness – but not UNCCH’s TGU.

This was a TGU for ever how many people on the planet know what USMNT stands for.

Prior to yesterday – Oct 11, 2017 – only maybe 36% of you guys and gals knew that…

USMNT = United States Men’s National Team

Snowflakes

What kind of team?  If we count Dean’s infamous “9,000,000,000 Chinese who don’t care” what USMNT stands, that % who do care drops to single digits.

That % is composed 92% of millennials.

If Millennials care about USMNT it is either (1) a micro-brew… (2) something “artisanal”… (3) sold at IKEA… (4) on Netflix… or (5) a Soccer team.

Soccer!  If your kid or grandkid isn’t playing… who cares?  America has said THAT for over 50 years and counting… Whatever happened to Kyle Rote Jr?

The United States (and I use the term “United” out of habit as the states are by no means “united” these days) Men’s National (Soccer) Team lost a Qualifying Match to Trinidad & Tabago (T&T)… and thus will NOT be participating in the 2018 World Cup Soccer Extravaganza to be held in Russia.

I COULD explain how a country qualifies For The World Cup.  Or I could actually read that agreement we all AGREE to when we update software.  But who cares…

If you know a few millennials who are apoplectic… you oughta see executives with Fox Sports who paid a gazillion dollars for the television rights to a now USMNT-less 2018 World Cup.

That eagerly anticipated quarter final match between Upper Volta and Sierra Leone should be a ratings bonaza…. NOT.

We’ll do a few Trinidad & Tobago (T&T) jokes in a minute. First, let’s have some fun with the USMNT… and the USWNT.

If you turn that “M” upside down it is a “W”. There is also a USWNT. Maybe you’ve heard of them? They have won THREE World Cups “for women”. That is Three more than the MNTs has ever won… or even played for.

The first one was in the last millennium before this one with the Classic “Look Look Brandie Whatshername (Chastain) is wearing a sports bra… OMG?” That golden moment of sports porn blew out every TV in Amish Country if there had been any TVs in Amish Country.

Did you know… 96% of Americans can recall where they were when they saw Bradi Chastain in her sports bra.

Quick US Soccer Trivia…
Q: …Name the only (current) US Soccer star to be married to a MAN… AND to be thrown out of a bar in Walt Disney World? Alex Morgan
A: …The androgynously named Alex Morgan a.k.a “the really pretty one”… who has never “come out of the closet” because she was never “in the closet”.

Yes, Mia Hamm is also married to a man – Nomar – but was never thrown out of a bar at Disney World plus Mia retired a long time ago.

There may be a few other USWNTs and USMNTs married to men but that is sooo “last millennia” that the millennial media doesn’t make a BIG DEAL about it.

I don’t think there is a USTNT… yet. But in the spirit of gender-fairness, there probably will be soon. Are there any “Tranys” in Upper Volta… or Chad… or Newfoundland? Shows how much I know about world soccer…

Anyhoooo… this devastating loss to T&T has rocked Millennial America to it’s oh-so-fragile core. Already known as “The Snowflake Demographic”, or “The Live in Parent’s Basement with their three worthless college degrees Demographic”… the yucky concept of “losing” is not in a millennial’s vocabulary.

The first question asked when the USMNT lost and was thereby eliminated from The 2018 World Cup was “they do still get participation trophies don’t they?” The Russian thugs who are in charge of the 2018 World Cup all got a good laugh over that one. No, they don’t. Whaaaaa!

You think I’m kidding about how traumatic this loss is to millennials who care about US and World soccer and why “America” should oughta dominate it because …”. I’m not. There ARE a sizable number of people who do care.. None of whom had ever heard of The Electoral College before Nov 9, 2017.

Q: …BobLee, is the USMNT already writing a tell-all book titled What Happened… and planning a national book tour to promote it?
A: …Now you’ve given them the idea so they probably will. They will piggyback with Hillary’s tour sharing a signing table with her at COSCOs and Sam’s Club in “blue states”.

Speaking of  can’t we blame this on TRUMP somehow?  The answer to that is of course ABSOLUTELY.

You all now about those hurricanes that “TRUMP” whipped up last month to destroy The Caribbean. Right? Evil Puerto Rico, “The Dominican”, etc etc… He left out two islands… guess which two? YEP.

Trinidad & Tobago.

Of all the islands to NOT send a hurricane to destroy, “Trump” spares the only two that would whup the USMNT.

If THAT is not Grounds For Impeachment, what is?   Quick… Someone notify Maxine Waters and Wolf Blitzer. They “got him” now by golly.

Q: … BobLee, was this USMNT thingy concocted just to get “Jemele” off the front page?
A: … Sure, why not. ESPN is so happy now that they did NOT get the broadcast rights on the 2018 World Cup, it’s the only “good news” CEO John Skipper (UNC.75) has had since who can remember.

You do realize that “Jemele” has now achieved the coveted “just one name” celebrity status. She joins “Tiger”… “Madonna”… “Rush”… “Hillary” and “Cher” in that lofty pantheon.

What about Harvey Weinstein? Hollywood’s latest serial sexual predator has not even achieved front page status in 95% of “the media” and likely never will. George Soros and Saul Alinsky never have either.

A rumor that Harvey has invited “Jemele” to read for the lead in his upcoming documentary Jemele – The Oprah of The New Millenium are unfounded. A visual of Harvey & Jemele on Harvey’s infamous casting couch redefines YUCKY!

A final word on the USMNT’s TGU… . Once I absorbed the shock of The News… I did some research and…

One Guess which National Soccer Team DOES NOT…. Have a $36,000,000 Indoor Practice Facility (IPF) with or without smoothie machines, a water slide and a “nap room”. Yep… our USMNT. It is a national disgrace.

If every soccer mom with a mini-van sends in $1.00 we could probably have one up and running by the 2022 World Cup. By golly…

Q: …BobLee, does Trinidad & Tobago “have an IPF”?

A: …Huh? There is ONE soccer field in T&T. It is on Tobago and doubles as a parking lot for the Tobago Dollar Store and Nail Salon.Ashley

##

I’m off to Sunny’s Diner to “Ask Ashley” what she knows about USMNT and Trinidad & Tobago. I’ll let you know in Reader Comments.

###

AgentPierce’s Latest 10/07 – LINK

Blondie’s Latest 10/07 – LINK

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Former96heel
Former96heel
2 years ago

Catching up here. USMNT not making the World Cup of Bribery does have some dramatic repercussions in TV land. With Fox planning 350 hours of coverage from a time zone more or less 12 hours different from the US, they will take a bath. But instead of making TV Execs question the price paid, I think it will only drive up the price for the “guaranteed” properties. NFL, NCAA hoops among them. . If the World Cup was held, and only the immigrant population notices, doe sit make a noise? And I have tried to get into European soccer. I… Read more »

Tin foil hat heel
Tin foil hat heel
2 years ago

I had not paid much attention at all to the qualifying, but when it comes to Futbol the USMNT could find a way to screw up a cheese sandwich. About 4 different things had to happen not to qualify or to at least get to a play in game, and all 4 did.

The problem the men’s game has is that they are dull as dishwater. That is why international soccer gets solid views while the homegrown teams are marginalized .

JD
JD
2 years ago

North Carolina avoids major sanctions in academics fraud case…….BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!!!

NCSU68Grad
NCSU68Grad
2 years ago

I DO know what the World Cup is and never thought is was a Starbucks Mega overpriced item. Prior to retirement, my company, which had operations worldwide, sponsored “World Cup Sales Contests”. That was in 1994. The more your bought….the more “lottery” tickets you got. We had a mega presence in Brazil and Mexico with lesser sales in Colombia….and obviously in Europe and Australia. So, each country would have varying number of winners based on the total sales. We flew in the winners to the US and they attended the finals. We hosted them and they toured our factories. It… Read more »

fayettewuf
fayettewuf
2 years ago

Usually circadian rhythms wake people, so you have a cicada rhythm section waking you? Sorry, I could not resist:-)

Mayberry Jim
Mayberry Jim
2 years ago

Here’s a helpful hint if forced to watch soccer: if you mute the TV, the players moving about on the field in their colorful uniforms look a bit like tropical fish swimming in a sea of green. Without the yips and yaps of the announcers, it actually becomes quite soothing. You’re welcome.

Mayberry Jim
Mayberry Jim
2 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

When muted, he just yells ” “. See?

ENC#1
ENC#1
2 years ago

Very few Americans really follow soccer at the international, USA, college or high school level. When the soccer people here in America realize it is a field not a pitch, a game not a match, practice not training and a scrimmage not a friendly make more people will take the game more seriously. I think they should make the goal bigger and eliminate offsides and maybe more scores will be 20-19 instead of 1-0. IMO I would rather watch females play than males, more offense. A slap on the wrist over in Chapel Thrill unless they remove at least one… Read more »

TarSpartan
TarSpartan
2 years ago

I read the title and my first thought was “If they only had an indoor practice facility and a Jumbotron(TM), they woulda won.” Then I read the column, and sure enough you didn’t disappoint.
.
I’m in the Netherlands this week for work, and funny thing, no one here cares about taking a knee, Confederate Statues, Jemele, or even President Trump. It’s amazing how much calmer life becomes when you are away from American Media.

TarSpartan
TarSpartan
2 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

Yes, we are, although both this game and the UNC/ND game were played while I was on the plane over from Atlanta, so I missed them both.

As for “worldwide leader,” I’ll just say the local bar & grill here in Noordwijk (pronounced “nord-vike” for those of you in Rio Linda) advertises Fox Sports.

Doug
Doug
2 years ago

My 10/11/17 was great. I officially survived another year of marriage with my PDEWW. Each of our kids played futbol at 6 or 7. Watching all those yungins not playing goalie crowd around the ball reminds one of a ball of maggots attacking rotting meat which was less than fun to watch. Subsequently I’ve been told by my millennial kids and other like minded kids since the late 80’s that the USMNT was a sleeping giant. Sound remarkably like some local teams at the university level huh? I’ve also been told my Maxwell House coffee and PBR is un-cool too.… Read more »

Jimbo
Jimbo
2 years ago

Is there any hope that some members of the USWNT will transgender to the USMNT in time to help qualify next time World Cup soccer comes around?

Bill
Bill
2 years ago

Appropriately for the subject of this column, there is only one comment so far. Mine is the second. It would be fitting if it is the last.
Except….
Did the members of the USMNT take a knee before the game started?

Bill
Bill
2 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

I had no idea that the USMNT was playing and even if I had been aware of it I would not have troubled myself to read about it, so “no,” I have no idea if they knelt, linked arms or wore pink shoes, etc. My youngest child is 33 years old and my oldest grandchild is 4. Accordingly, it has been over 20 years since I paid any attention to soccer at any level (our children had the good sense to gravitate towards swimming at an early age) and anticipate that it will be at least several more years before… Read more »

Bill
Bill
2 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

I have nothing against the game itself or those who play it, either; however, I do sort of resent those who thumb their noses at folks like me who just don’t find it appealing. Those who insist that there is something “wrong” with me for not being able to appreciate the “subtleties” and grace of the sport. Seems to me that its just a matter taste and personal preference, not right and wrong. Too, it seems to me that some members of the sports media feel compelled to praise the sport unnecessarily in an effort to convince the “great unwashed”… Read more »

ncsu1987
ncsu1987
2 years ago

And the fodder keeps falling like manna… . Interesting tone to this one…a little sharper and more biting…left a smell of ozone in the air after I finished reading. . “United”: these States have NEVER been united, although most alert people always seem to believe that “it’s never been worse than it is RIGHT NOW”…I’m trained as an engineer, so I can’t help imposing scientific models on very un-scientific domains…The degree of “united-ness” is a formal equilibrium with somewhat wide hysteresis…Mr. Clemens had a quote about weather that probably applies here… . Harvey and 95% of media…this is an oft-repeated… Read more »

ncsu1987
ncsu1987
2 years ago
Reply to  ncsu1987

Sorry that my image reference didn’t post correctly – I’m sure it’s operator error! Here’s the essential data:

These are front-page hits for the word “Weinstein” as-of 10/12/17 at 11:00am
WJS – 1
New York Post – 10
LA Times – 3
Chicago Tribune – 2
Dallas Morning-News – 0
New York Times – 13
Washington Post – 4
FoxNews.com – 14
CNN.com – 10
Breitbart.com – 16

So the implication is always that the “liberal” institutions are burying the story. This data doesn’t support that hypothesis.

ncsu1987
ncsu1987
2 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

No arguments on that. Absolutely agree that there’s ample evidence that these issues were only covered after considerable outrage. Personally, I find it inexcusable. Just as I do when conservative outlets bury non-favorable stories in the same way.
.
Oh, and I couldn’t care less about SNL. Haven’t watched since the early 80’s – you know, when they stopped being funny? Amazing to me that they get so much play…But you’re right about them as well.

ncsu1987
ncsu1987
2 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

LOL, looking VERY forward to your take on that…whichever way the wind blows. I still firmly believe that tomorrow’s (hopefully!) shenanigans will generate copious sound and fury. Blue Zone denizens will decry even a slap on the wrist – “overreach…insane…zealotry…” In the face of a death penalty announcement, the ABC brigade will shout to the heavens about the unfairness: “they skated…NCAA is afraid of them…SWOFF!” . My prediction: the NCAA, in an effort to appear more than they are, will sanction UNC with something that gives the appearance of toughness, but which ultimately will have little or no impact. Not… Read more »

Marvin The Austin
Marvin The Austin
2 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

Commie Kickball? Bleh … but I done got me somes reservations at the Cheesecake Factory for the Friday the 13th Powder Blues Luncheon and NCAA Lamenting Festival. Bring yo wimmen in da freak’um dresses. See yous posse dare!

Marv

Doug
Doug
2 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

How many first-responders are on stand-by? Hazmat teams? Will the governor declare County Orange a disaster area?

Doug
Doug
2 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

Faux sure!!

Doug
Doug
2 years ago
Reply to  Doug

First-responders have now re-deployed to 30 miles east and National Guard troops are surrounding west Raleigh.

Ed.Shelby
Ed.Shelby
2 years ago

Didn’t Posh Spice marry a Soccer man?

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