A USMNT TGU… OMG! OMG! OMG!
What jolted me awake yesterday at 5:00 AM? My well-honed circadian (sp?) rhythm usually has me up&at’em at 5:30. Something was amiss in The Universe…. This Internet Legend rep I bear had gone TILT.
It didn’t take long for all to be unveiled. Had the NCAA Verdict for UNCCH’s Crime of The Millennium finally come in? Was the scaffolding being erected in Dean’s Dome for the immediate removal of ALL the freakin banners. Except the Helms’ Thingy. The NCAA has no jurisdiction over that one.
Well it certainly was a GU – Great Unpleasantness – but not UNCCH’s TGU.
This was a TGU for ever how many people on the planet know what USMNT stands for.
Prior to yesterday – Oct 11, 2017 – only maybe 36% of you guys and gals knew that…
USMNT = United States Men’s National Team
What kind of team? If we count Dean’s infamous “9,000,000,000 Chinese who don’t care” what USMNT stands, that % who do care drops to single digits.
That % is composed 92% of millennials.
If Millennials care about USMNT it is either (1) a micro-brew… (2) something “artisanal”… (3) sold at IKEA… (4) on Netflix… or (5) a Soccer team.
Soccer! If your kid or grandkid isn’t playing… who cares? America has said THAT for over 50 years and counting… Whatever happened to Kyle Rote Jr?
The United States (and I use the term “United” out of habit as the states are by no means “united” these days) Men’s National (Soccer) Team lost a Qualifying Match to Trinidad & Tabago (T&T)… and thus will NOT be participating in the 2018 World Cup Soccer Extravaganza to be held in Russia.
I COULD explain how a country qualifies For The World Cup. Or I could actually read that agreement we all AGREE to when we update software. But who cares…
If you know a few millennials who are apoplectic… you oughta see executives with Fox Sports who paid a gazillion dollars for the television rights to a now USMNT-less 2018 World Cup.
That eagerly anticipated quarter final match between Upper Volta and Sierra Leone should be a ratings bonaza…. NOT.
We’ll do a few Trinidad & Tobago (T&T) jokes in a minute. First, let’s have some fun with the USMNT… and the USWNT.
If you turn that “M” upside down it is a “W”. There is also a USWNT. Maybe you’ve heard of them? They have won THREE World Cups “for women”. That is Three more than the MNTs has ever won… or even played for.
The first one was in the last millennium before this one with the Classic “Look Look Brandie Whatshername (Chastain) is wearing a sports bra… OMG?” That golden moment of sports porn blew out every TV in Amish Country if there had been any TVs in Amish Country.
Did you know… 96% of Americans can recall where they were when they saw Bradi Chastain in her sports bra.
Quick US Soccer Trivia…
Q: …Name the only (current) US Soccer star to be married to a MAN… AND to be thrown out of a bar in Walt Disney World?
A: …The androgynously named Alex Morgan a.k.a “the really pretty one”… who has never “come out of the closet” because she was never “in the closet”.
Yes, Mia Hamm is also married to a man – Nomar – but was never thrown out of a bar at Disney World plus Mia retired a long time ago.
There may be a few other USWNTs and USMNTs married to men but that is sooo “last millennia” that the millennial media doesn’t make a BIG DEAL about it.
I don’t think there is a USTNT… yet. But in the spirit of gender-fairness, there probably will be soon. Are there any “Tranys” in Upper Volta… or Chad… or Newfoundland? Shows how much I know about world soccer…
Anyhoooo… this devastating loss to T&T has rocked Millennial America to it’s oh-so-fragile core. Already known as “The Snowflake Demographic”, or “The Live in Parent’s Basement with their three worthless college degrees Demographic”… the yucky concept of “losing” is not in a millennial’s vocabulary.
The first question asked when the USMNT lost and was thereby eliminated from The 2018 World Cup was “they do still get participation trophies don’t they?” The Russian thugs who are in charge of the 2018 World Cup all got a good laugh over that one. No, they don’t. Whaaaaa!
You think I’m kidding about how traumatic this loss is to millennials who care about US and World soccer and why “America” should oughta dominate it because …”. I’m not. There ARE a sizable number of people who do care.. None of whom had ever heard of The Electoral College before Nov 9, 2017.
Q: …BobLee, is the USMNT already writing a tell-all book titled What Happened… and planning a national book tour to promote it?
A: …Now you’ve given them the idea so they probably will. They will piggyback with Hillary’s tour sharing a signing table with her at COSCOs and Sam’s Club in “blue states”.
Speaking of can’t we blame this on TRUMP somehow? The answer to that is of course ABSOLUTELY.
You all now about those hurricanes that “TRUMP” whipped up last month to destroy The Caribbean. Right? Evil Puerto Rico, “The Dominican”, etc etc… He left out two islands… guess which two? YEP.
Trinidad & Tobago.
Of all the islands to NOT send a hurricane to destroy, “Trump” spares the only two that would whup the USMNT.
If THAT is not Grounds For Impeachment, what is? Quick… Someone notify Maxine Waters and Wolf Blitzer. They “got him” now by golly.
Q: … BobLee, was this USMNT thingy concocted just to get “Jemele” off the front page?
A: … Sure, why not. ESPN is so happy now that they did NOT get the broadcast rights on the 2018 World Cup, it’s the only “good news” CEO John Skipper (UNC.75) has had since who can remember.
You do realize that “Jemele” has now achieved the coveted “just one name” celebrity status. She joins “Tiger”… “Madonna”… “Rush”… “Hillary” and “Cher” in that lofty pantheon.
What about Harvey Weinstein? Hollywood’s latest serial sexual predator has not even achieved front page status in 95% of “the media” and likely never will. George Soros and Saul Alinsky never have either.
A rumor that Harvey has invited “Jemele” to read for the lead in his upcoming documentary Jemele – The Oprah of The New Millenium are unfounded. A visual of Harvey & Jemele on Harvey’s infamous casting couch redefines YUCKY!
A final word on the USMNT’s TGU… . Once I absorbed the shock of The News… I did some research and…
One Guess which National Soccer Team DOES NOT…. Have a $36,000,000 Indoor Practice Facility (IPF) with or without smoothie machines, a water slide and a “nap room”. Yep… our USMNT. It is a national disgrace.
If every soccer mom with a mini-van sends in $1.00 we could probably have one up and running by the 2022 World Cup. By golly…
Q: …BobLee, does Trinidad & Tobago “have an IPF”?
I’m off to Sunny’s Diner to “Ask Ashley” what she knows about USMNT and Trinidad & Tobago. I’ll let you know in Reader Comments.