BobLee’s 2017 Football Column:
… a very Sad Scene in Kenan Stadium
I am going straight to Hell without passing GO or getting the chance to put on asbestos underwear. I just did something very naughty. I click-baited you.
“….A Sad Scene in Kenan Stadium” guarantees me every ABCer in the Western Hemisphere is reading this.
The title NEKKID HOMICIDAL LESBIAN CHEERLEADERS would get fewer clicks.
I AM going to describe a sad scene I have witnessed often in Kenan Stadium; but it occurs in every stadium in America including yours.
As many of you recall I used to do a UNC FB pre-game show on WCHL with “my buddy Art Chansky”. We did it for three seasons which was 2.5 seasons longer than I ever imagined it could survive.
Moi with a live mic and a WCHL audience was “juggling a live hand grenade, in the dark, wearing oven mitts, while riding a unicycle”. “Jan The GM” only had to sincerely apologize to two advertisers, that I know of, and they were very small accounts. Those were “interesting seasons”.
Since I was already over yonder, I agreed to host the UNC Football Lettermen’s Lounge a/k/a “The Choo Choo Lounge” which is located inside the South Gate of Beautiful Kenan Stadium. I could stand in the CCL doorway and watch fans entering/leaving the stadium.
Ever alert for column fodder I was fascinated by the swarms of humanity passing before me.
It was one very very VERY HOT September Saturday that I first met The Fabulous Comparato Twins – Nicole & Paige and Mother Comparato. They appeared at “my door” in the early stages of acute heat prostration. I took them in, nursed them back to health and made three friends for life. A highlight of that era of my life. … I digress…
EVERY Kenan Game over the 5-6 years that I managed The CCL, I watched dads with young sons and daughters, often with mom too but not always. For the purpose of this sad tale, the kids were in the 5-6-7-8 years old range.
Dad (and Mom) in their mid-late 30s, him maybe an attorney, accountant, or Produce Mgr at a Harris-Teeter. A scene right out of “a Hallmark Movie does College FB”…
Dad was proudly bringing his kids to a Carolina Football game like his dad had brought him… and like he attended when he matriculated there.
Dad would be in his “I’m a UNC Fan” gear and the son and/or daughter also bedecked as Little UNC Fans. You get the scenario. Substitute your team’s fans.
Arriving at the game the family was optimistically upbeat. Dad, as family Alpha Dog, studying his tickets for the correct gate / section, and checking for the need for a potty stop before going to their seats. The kid/kids wide-eyed in awe… overwhelmed by the bustling humanity… while holding tight to Dad’s hand.
They disappeared into the crowd as the festivities commenced…
In the early years of The Fedora Era losses were more common than they have been lately. It was upon those occasions when the final score was NOT UNC-friendly that our Norman Rockwell painting went askew.
After a Loss…our nice little family wasn’t quite the same… Same family, but Dad’s demeanor had totally changed. “Dr Jekyl” Dad had become “Mr Hyde” Dad.
“Same Ol ^&^%$#* Carolina Football blah blah yadda yadda, gripe, gripe….”
The son and/or daughter were caught between still being excitedly overwhelmed by the humanity… and being ashamed of their dad.
I’ll never forget one little towhead about 6-7 looking at me forlornly as Mr Hyde Dad was cussing and stomping trying to navigate the exiting crowd who, like the crooked refs and stoopid coordinators, were all conspiring to ruin his day.
It was a look that said “Help me Mister. My dad has gone nuts. This isn’t fun anymore”. I gave him a wink and a “Hang in there, Kid” look.
A 6 y/o kid rolling his eyes and shrugging his shoulders… accepting that, for the time being, HE was The Man in the family.
Different families but same sicko scenarios after Kenan losses. After every Carter-Finley, Wally Wade, or Dowdy-Ficklin Loss too, I bet..
I considered keeping a ball bat or a 3’ piece of rebar handy to beat the crap out of Mr. Hyde Dads but decided it was yet another flaw in humanity beyond my ability to fix.
If reading this keeps YOU from being a Mr. Hyde Dad (or Granddad) maybe it was worth it.
Enjoy all the Color & Pageantry of a Special Day with your family. Stick that pathetic vicarious bragging rights crap where the sun don’t shine.
Oops… I’ve run out of space. I haven’t gone on My Annual Rant about how I care even less about “watching football” this season than I did last season.
The advantage of having one’s own website is that I can do that next time….
OK… I WILL predict that The Men of Doeren will defeat the USC Gamecocks and whoever their coach is these days. Wuff fans will get overly optimistic for what will be an 8 Win season. Swoffy still has State firmly embedded in The Division From Hell so it’ll be another Whozit Bowl.
Not sure who UNC plays but they probably win by 10 points.
Whatever you do… DON’T READ AGENTPIERCE. He got too many hits on that TransPark piece. I need to humble him. …. Heres the LINK not to click on…