The price of Smoothie Machines keeps going UP... and UP

The price of Smoothie Machines keeps going UP… and UP… and UP!

Smoothie Machine

The reference to Smoothie Machines might confuse our ever-growing army of BobLeeSays newbees. You newbees would really be confused by a reference to The Hindenburg Hangar… or Dabo’s Incredible Six Flags Over Clemson.

All three are phrases coined right here on this little ol’ website over the past several years.

They are intended as catch-phrases to personify the uber manic ridiculous addiction of rich old white guys to throw bazillions of “Benjamins” towards the attraction of and procurement of the athletic talents of semi-literate 17 y/o African American youth to their respective alma maters (actual or adopted)… for “a couple of years”.

Did You Know… the phrase “Benjamins” refers to the picture of Benjamin Franklin on the $100 bill.

Ol’ Ben, via his doppleganger “Poor Richard”, could have some fun exposing the rampant absurdity of these never-ending Bling Wars by the afore-mentioned rich ol’ fat cat boosters.

Luring their fair share, or more…, of the annual migration of athletically-gifted semi-literate young AfAms to Power Five campuses reached absurd levels quite some time ago. The current absurdity indicates you ain’t been paying attention the past twenty years or more.

Last week we received the latest projections of the cost of playing Big Time College Football poker for The University of The People over yonder at The Southern Part of Heaven… where “a sleeping giant” lies “amid the towering pines”.

LINK to Latest $$$$ Estimates.

This is about a week old. So add another 5-6%. Yes… I know this article discusses more projects than just the IPF.

The longest prologue in modern Internet history gets us to today’s topic… the never-ending hyper-escalation of Recruiting Bling as personified over at UNCCH.

About 2-3 years ago some enterprising Junior Assistant Administrative Athletic Director for TeamBubba noticed that “even Wake Forest and NC State” were completing IPFs.

An IPF is an Indoor Practice Facility specifically for practicing football in in-climate weather.

Actually it is a “Lookee Here… we got us one of them IPF things too. So whatcha say you sign your “X” right’cher on this offer sheet.”

It should be noted that Knute Rockne, Pop Warner, Amos Alonzo Stagg, and even Vince “By Gawd” Lombardi never needed an IPF to field competitive football teams. Both South Bend IN and Green Bay WI do have their share of in-climate weather in mid-late Fall. Who knew…

Hell fire… If “even Wake Forest and NC State have’em” there was no question UNCCH had to have one too. And it better be bigger, better and more blingy because…

We lampooned NC State’s “Hindenburg Hangar” several years ago. The Atlantic Division – ACC – and National Championhips sure to follow its opening yet unattained. Had the Hindenburg Hangar been “just a bit blingier” would that chip shot FG at Death Valley have split the uprights? Ahhh… what might have been.

Not about to find it’s IPF “not blingy enough”… we learned from a not particularly reliable source “over yonder” that UNCCH’s IPF was going to include “a Smoothie Machine”. WHOA!

THAT Smoothie Machine would surely “close the deal” on any semi-literate 17 y/o who “had not visited Dabo’s Incredible Six Flags Over Clemson (DISFOC)”.

At DISFOC, every visiting recruit (PLUS each member of his posse) receives their very own Smoothie Machine. Damn you Dabo!

With that messy Greatest Eligibility Scam thing still squatting ‘oer Franklin Street, UNCCH felt “just one Smoothie Machine” in its IPF would have to suffice… for now.

NOTE: A whizbang idea to include an iMax screen showing Rihanna videos on a continual loop did get axed… but only after intense debate. Raise you hand if you think I’m kidding.

More shiny bling can be added after UNCCH’s Mercenary Army of Ruthless (and VERY expensive) Lawyers whup the crap outta the NCAA’s measly little legal beagles around 2022 or thereabouts.

Colorful Comparison: Best estimate of the final costs of UNCCH’s Legal / PR Obfuscation of The Greatest Eligibility Scam in NCAA History is pegged at “about equal to two fancy IPFs plus a couple of Big Name Coordinators”.

Alas and alack… the price of Smoothie Machines keeps going UP and UP and UP. Requiring those rich ol’ fat cat in The Rams Club to keep anteing UP and UP and UP to satisfy their lust for BRAGGIN’ RIGHTS.

The original estimate of “about $20,000,000 or so” (which was A LOT of “Benjamins”) was laughable before the glue on the “lookee here” scale model was dry. Even the “or so” was silly. The current estimate is “Hell, who knows… who cares?”

Ain’t nobody gonna out Dabo Dabo when it comes to Ridiculous Recruiting Bling, but… hopefully for UNCCH’s rich old fat cats their IPF will be blingier than Wake Forest’s and NC State’s. At the end of the day… isn’t that all that really matters?

BobLee; do Really Big Rams Club fat cat donations still come with that sticky “Don’t let ‘dem boys try hookin’ up with my daughter or granddaughter – or else” provision?

I have not heard that they do or don’t.

Want to know how many “reading tutors” an institution can employ for “$20,000,000 or so”… divide $20,000,000 by give/take $30,000. It’s at least one reading tutor per semi-literate “student-athlete”.

That assumes, of course, that converting semi-literate 17 y/os into quasi-literate 21 y/os is a priority for ANYONE involved. Bwahahahaha….

Imagine…

“No, we do not give every recruit his own Smoothie Machine, but we do GUARANTEE that when he leaves here HE CAN FREAKIN’ READ… at least at a 9th grade level.”… sigh. FWIW: Dabo is not promising that.

LINK