Saving Baseball… Outlaw Batting Gloves

Batting Gloves 1
BobLee
June25/ 2017

Saving Baseball  … Outlaw Batting Gloves

“If batting gloves are outlawed… only Outlaws will wear batting gloves”

BL on Baseball

 

This column was supposed to be – BobLee Saves Baseball.  I have an incredibly simple solution to all of Baseball’s “supposed” ills. Restoring Baseball as “The National Past Time” for Biennials, Perenialls, Millennials, Gen Xers, Yuppies, Uppies, Hippies, Beatniks, Snowflakes, and all us Baby Boomers sitting on our front porches throwing rocks at passing cars.

That’s a PDBD = Pretty Darn Big Deal! You know how much I do love Baseball. That marvelous phrase “pitchers and catchers report …” is being uttered as we speak.

The marketing guys at SaidWhatMedia stepped in. BL if you add the phrase “… and a Roy HB2 Update” you’ll get THOUSANDS more clicks…. “at least 80,000, maybe more”. I said “THOUSANDS”??  They replied “well at least ‘SCORES’!”

I lobbied instead for a superfluous Kate Upton / Abigail Ratchford pictorial; but why have a Marketing Dept if you don’t use’em. I added “… and a Roy HB2 Update”.

But first let’s SAVE BASEBALL!

MLB is convinced that ubiquitous Demographic Godzilla – Millennials – are not enamored with “the old ballgame”. “The games are boring and too long” say MLB’s marketing wizards. Soooo MLB is now knee-jerking to this apocalyptic warning.

The past several weeks MLB has leaked several proposed “tweaks” being considered:

• “Intentional walks” to be awarded without throwing the four balls.
• Raising the strike zone “about 2”. (A Millennial with any clue where the current strike zone is is rarer than a Millennials who had ever heard of “The Electoral College” prior to Nov 9th.)
• Limit the # of times a Mgr/Coach can go to the mound/inning.
• THE STOOPIDIEST ONE of all…. When a game goes in to extra innings, each half-inning begins with the team-at-bat automatically having a runner on 2nd. Ergo, increasing the likelihood of scoring so everyone can go home.
• One that has not quite reached the “leaked” stage is revising the Replay Challenge process. This one actually makes sense and can be achieved rather easily….

BUT MY IDEA beats all of these….

ELIMINATE BATTING GLOVES. Batting Gloves

Historical Note: …. It’s all Nomar Garciaparra’s fault. a/k/a Mr Mia Hamm … Nomar, when he was a Red Sox in the 90, began the modern addiction of stepping out of the batter’s box AFTER EVERY PITCH to adjust the Velcro straps on his batting gloves. Now Little Leaguerers do it. Slow-pitch Softball beerbellies do it. Girls’ Softball players do it. Every ballplayer on Earth now “adjusts his batting glove straps” between EVERY FRIGGING’ PITCH. Street urchins “in the Dominican” do it playing stickball in the streets. Dominican street urchins don’t even have batting gloves. They pretend to tighten the Velcro straps on imaginary gloves. They have no idea who Nomar Garciaparra was.

It takes +/- 20 seconds to tighten the Velcro straps. Players take that 20 seconds to tighten their straps even when they TAKE the pitch. Simply gripping the bat loosens the straps. There are roughly 200 pitches/game – there are more but I’m being kind. 200 pitches times 20 seconds = 66 minutes.

I just reduced the average MLB game by OVER AN HOUR to under two hours. Well within the attention span of even “a millennial”. I did not tinker with a single sacred tenet of Abner Doubleday’s Marvelous Game. No records will require asterisks. All those stoopid “analytics” that Theo and Billy Bean et al swear by are untouched.

Guess what? The following “pretty darn good hitters” NEVER WORE BATTING GLOVES…. Babe Ruth – Lou Gehrig – Rogers Hornsby – Ty Cobb – Ted Williams – Hank Aaron – Bob Kennel – Stan Musial – Mickey Mantle – Joe DiMaggio – Albert Long – Enos Slaughter and “Shoeless Joe” Jackson.

I’m betting the current crop can adjust OK to accommodate all those potential millennial fans with Acute Attention Deficit Disorder.

##

“…. And a Roy HB2 Update”

Roy Williams MadI guess you’ve all heard that UNCCH Men’s Basketball Coach Ol’ Roy Williams Really Really Really HATES HB2 … a/k/a “The Bathroom Bill”. 

Coach K doesn’t like it either and even NC State Coach (for the time being) Mark Gottfried thinks it is “appalling”. But you gotta give it to Ol’ Huckleberry over in Chapel Hill. It’s what Roy has been blurting this week that’s gotten everyone attention.

Roy Williams cannot spell HB2 if you spot him the “H” and the “2”. His total knowledge of HB2 can be tweeted with enough of the 140 characters left over to spell out Krzyzewski seven times.

BL NOTE: I, and AgentPierce, are both on-record saying HB2 was a hastily-cobbled together piece of flawed legislation that waaaay over-reaches in countering the incredibly stoopid and constitutionally illegal “bathroom ordinance” that the dim-witted Mayor of Charlotte and her seven cronies tried to enact last March. …. The Great Bathroom Kerfluffle was a brilliant strategy devised by the LGBTQ Gender Terrorists to overthrow the Republican majority in the NCGA. It did succeed in ousting Gov. Pat McCrory but failed miserably to affect the NCGA. … HB2 is “a flawed bill” created to stop a much worse illegal city ordinance. …. I just told you more about HB2 than Roy Williams could tell you if you held a blowtorch six inches from his eye. It has very little/nothing to do with where/how “transgenders” do #1 or #2.

Roy’s latest “Roy being Roy” started last Sunday after the Notre Dame game in Greensboro. Roy blurted that there would NEVER be another ACC game in Greensboro because of HB2. That was stoopid even by Roy Standards…. But it got the local “sports media” all knee-jerking and slobbering at the mouth.

The local “sports media” hate HB2 too because (1) their bosses told them too; and (2) they don’t know much more about it than Roy does.

I’ve always said that (1) Roy Williams is an outstanding big-time college basketball coach well-deserving of his HOF status… (2) he is a low-hanging fodder fruit for me because he is forever biting the heads off live microphones and auditioning for the role of Ernest T. Bass if they ever revive Mayberry.

If Roy is serious about showing us how much he REALLY REALLY HATES HB2 I have the PERFECT WAY to do that.

I propose Roy bring his wife Wanda… his daughter Kimberly… and his granddaughter to the Dean Dome locker room and have the three of them “shower with the team”.  Fifteen nekkid college boys and three nekkid Williams’ women sharing a shower. … maybe UNC Chancellor Carol “Chihuahua” Folt will join the happy showerers?  Where would a nekkid chancellor attach her lapel ribbon?

WRAL-TV5, The N&O, and even John Skipper’s (UNC’75) ESPN will surely give the event prime time coverage. Betcha that would really help recruiting… wouldn’t it Roy?

Roy apparently sees no problem with removing all the gender restrictions on rest rooms, dressing rooms and locker rooms as it would affect all the citizens of North Carolina.  Whats more important the safety of the citizens of this state…. or Roy Williams’ recruiting?

UNC Basketball Coach Roy Williams and his wife, daughter and granddaughter can show us how harmless that would be?

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TheCowdog
Guest
TheCowdog

This piece is still alive, yet nobody has said nuthin’ ’bout bees in the bat.

My friend, Mike Hargrove, was called the “Human Rain Delay.”

He didn’t wear gloves after May .

Dr Wire
Guest

Once again, the comments on your article extend “a ptcher’s duel into extra innings”. I would not have thought about the 20 sec lost on glove adjustment or known ORW went public on HB2 without your insight, thanks. Eliminating glove adjustments seems fair and equitable considering IIRC pitchers are now on the clock for time from receiving the ball from the catcher and throwing the pitch, correct. The ol’ “good for the goose is good for the gander” conundrum which seque ways well into one HB2 comment. Coach Avent, State baseball, spoke recently at RSC with his normal straightforward, take… Read more »

Michael Moore
Guest
Michael Moore

What was Pennsylvania’s bathroom / locker room law when “coach” Sandusky was “helping” underprivileged kids? Coach Roy, K and Gott can have their opinions but so can 80% of North Carolinians!

PTH
Guest

I suspect ORW’s opposition to HB2 stems more around recruiting than any sense of inclusiveness and diversity. Don’t know where ORW plays golf but think it would be interesting to know their diversity statistics and bathroom rules. While I believe baseball is a complex game when you consider the nuances and strategy involved, it remains beyond the average person’s interest, no matter the time it takes to play the game. Shortening the game may help TV get the game into a time slot, but I doubt it will increase viewership or game attendance. This is my opinion only. I believe… Read more »

LPK
Guest
LPK

“Good” Catholic Coach K has been, as noted, very anti HB2 as well. Maybe he can bring his beautiful 7th grade twin granddaughters to Cameron, send them into the boys room and see how that goes. Nothing wrong with that, right? Such flipping ignorant hypocrites.

Bob
Guest
Bob

I would choose a different method to get the same result. No stepping out of the batter’s box. Let the pitcher decide the pace of play. He can throw it whenever he wants if you are out of the box it’s a strike or a ball. It’s the batter’s responsibility to be ready. I always liked watching Maddux pitch a game. Batter’s were constantly stepping out on him to try to break his rhythm. The kid now with the Cubs, his name is drawing a blank for me at the moment, is kinda the same. Later BobLee, keep up the… Read more »

Bob
Guest
Bob

PS Gott is walking the green mile.

Robert Kennel
Guest
Robert Kennel

BL, you know the answers before you ask the questions. Until something is changed, I am 100 per cent behind Gottfried. We’ve got the Tar Heels where we want them now?
Also appreciate the bathroom tutorial.
Seriously, HB2 for me has not been about bathrooms but another excuse for Legislative over reach to stick it to the cities precluding minimum wage increases and discrimination appeals to state courts. You don’t want to hear my “Crockagators in the Legislature” again, do you??

Doug
Guest
Doug

I’m in 100% agreement with Mr Kennel. Gottfried should stay on. Forever. See, there’s one thing we can agree on. ?

Robert Kennel
Guest
Robert Kennel

BL, tell your curious friend Robert that I have managed almost 81 years with wife, 3 daughters, 4 Granddaughter, and a sister without any bathroom or shower room problems as well as the same time without immigrants from 7 countries flooding in with terror intent. Finally, my attempt at a humorous counter to your batting glove ban was a self-scratching jock to save both time and visuals?

Robert.H
Guest
Robert.H

So Kennel was part of Barber’s Mob today. Did he ever tell us if he would be fine having his wife, daughters, grandchildren showering and sharing restrooms with males regardless of their preferred gender du jour? If Roy won’t do it, maybe Kennel will.

Robert Kennel
Guest
Robert Kennel

BL, your batting glove elimination solution is brilliant. You are right that I never used one, wanted my hand directly on the bat for appropriate sensitivity. You might also consider a thing jock strap to save time and looks.
Spent all morning with the HKonJ March downtown Raleigh. There were by actual count 61,483 and a half persons. I counted all nostrals and divided by 2.?

Radio_Smuggles
Guest
Radio_Smuggles

Actually the estimate is 5,000 (yeah right) which means approximately 9.9 million North Carolinians also stayed home, watched basketball, went out of family outings, searched Instagram for Abigail Ratchford (I did) or took naps.

My alternative news headline suggestion for the N&O tomorrow: 445,000 Raleigh Citizens Refuse To Protest. ?

Baseball is fine the way it is. Those 66 minutes saved means less commercial revenue for the networks. Not happening. ESPN wonks are too shortsighted to allow something as sensible as your plan. College basketball is what needs fixing.

Down East Heel
Guest
Down East Heel

BL – Dittos on the batting glove idea. Colin Moran had a bad case of it when he was at UNC. College basketball – agree with earlier comment. How about we adopt the college baseball rules regarding the MLB draft and apply them to college basketball? The student athletes would have to be for real students or some facsimile thereof for 2 1/2 years. If a player leaves before the end of their junior year, the team loses that scholarship until that time. Finally about raising the strike zone 2″ – if they would call the strike zone in the… Read more »

70sTarheel
Guest
70sTarheel

More Festus Haggen than Ernest T. Bass in both looks and sputtering. Either way the millennials will miss the reference. Course I’m just a clueless about their cultural references.

Noah
Guest
Noah

BL, you say that “the money line” is whatever each reader choses for him/herself. I can’t decide between “… spell Krzyzewski seven times” and “…. hold a blowtorch six inched from his eye”. The blowtorch line is GRAPHIC but who could ever spell Krzyzewski seven times?

Perry K Woods
Guest
Perry K Woods

Not totally off, except original Charlotte ordinance is just like ones in over 100 other cities including such liberal bastions as Myrtle Beach and Columbia South Carolina. Simple solution is repeal HB2, and pass a ‘improper purpose’ law that gives DA’s discretion to determine if someone is utilizing gender identity for an ‘improper purpose’ like peeping or assault.

MaryEllen.76
Guest
MaryEllen.76

Is Roy simply trying to follow in Dean’s way-out liberal footsteps?

Adam.H
Guest
Adam.H

Hey BL… any truth to the rumor that Gene Chizik resigned due to HB2?

Yuri
Guest
Yuri

What are the odds your “buddy Chansky” will link this column on his site?

Abbie.N
Guest
Abbie.N

Didn’t I see a Tweet or FB post about Roy addressing The United Nations?

NCSU68Grad
Guest
NCSU68Grad

The very thought of Little Miss Smurfette without clothes could be Viagra’s OTC cure for “situations where the intended effect lasts for more than 4 hours”. I may need counseling to get that out of my mind…. I CAN see Ms. Folt dressed in a Vagina Costume (light blue of course) and babbling about “Fill in the Blank” while hawking Yankee Candles as THE Votive CANDLE of choice for serious Snowflakes. Good idea on the batting gloves….maybe it ought to be a every other inning banning. Someone can come up with a scheme. Carl Edwards in Politics? Don’t know. Tony… Read more »

Speedy
Guest
Speedy

The Nascar Good ‘ol Boys are tweaking Nascar also. But their audience has shrunken so much already, hardly anyone has noticed the upcoming changes. They’re trying to latch onto the “golden demographic” of 18 to 34 y/o’s while again neglecting the older audience that brung them to the dance. We’ll see how that works out.

Earl.G
Guest
Earl.G

You mentioned Abigail Ratchford in a column some months ago. I googled her. YIKES! Who/What is she?

Tracey.B.92
Guest
Tracey.B.92

Nomar, Enos, Shoeless Joe, a nekkid Chihuahua and “NC State coach (for the time being)” …. pretty much has it all BL.

Tracey.B.92
Guest
Tracey.B.92

Your suggestion about the batting gloves is BRILLIANT and absolutely solves the “games too long” issue. But as brilliant as that idea is, I bet that will NOT be the topic of most reader comments this time.

Frank.Linstreet
Guest
Frank.Linstreet

YOWSA! This one is richer than a Dove Bar inside a Krispy Kreme doughnut. It took me three readings to find the “where does a nekkid chancellor pin her lapel ribbon”. And THAT wasn’t “the money line”. There is not a flagpole high enough to fly this one from BobLee.