Tribulations of a baseball lifer

Bull Durham
June19/ 2017

St. Louis Cardinals fans did not get “Barabbas/Matheny” that many still demand.  “Pontius Pilate” Mozeliak gave them Chris Maloney.  The Boys of Busch are on a two-game win streak… as Chris Maloney awaits “reassignment.”

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Every St. Louis Cardinals fan has seen the Kevin Costner baseball double feature – Field of Dreams and, especially, Bull Durham. No is not an option. You have seen them.

Every baseball fan has memorized “Crash” Davis’ soliloquy. The “What I believe in…” speech. Tell me you have.  Humor me.

Do you recall the lament of “Larry” the Bulls’ coach played by Robert Wuhl?

Larry and Crash were “Baseball lifers.” Both men content to die on the top step of a dugout leaning on a fungo bat.

Fungo bat? You don’t know a fungo bat from a two-seamer, but you KNOW that Mike Matheny “is an idiot?” Oooo-kay.

Larry and Crash are discussing their lives. Larry had left Baseball once to…

“worked at Sears for three months selling Lady Kenmores… nasty, man, nasty.” 

In his 50s, Larry was coaching a low-A league baseball team and happier than all the Lady Kenmore washing machine salesmen in all the world.

Hopefully, the Cardinals WILL reassign Chris Maloney. Offer Chris a uniform, a locker, and a fungo bat somewhere.

Chris Maloney has been with the Cardinals since 1991 including eighteen years as a minor league manager, getting his call-up to The Show in 2012.

I’m going out on a limb… Chris Maloney knows more baseball than all the Fantasy League whizbangs on all the fan sites in all the world.

But, but, but, BobLee… that numbskull let dozens of St. Louis Cardinals get thrown out at home during that horrible seven-game skid. What about THAT huh, huh?

Actually it was three runners thrown out over, I think, three weeks.

Coaches don’t simply show up at the ballpark, amble out to their assigned box, give goofy hand signals, and windmill their arms for the runner to GO GO GO. They actually have a strategy worked out with the manager before the game. Really!

I am hypothesizing… The St. Louis Cardinals have NOT been scoring many runs this season – right? You don’t get ¾ of a run for stranding a runner on 3rd. Do you think Mike Matheny & Company just might have decided…

“We need runs. Chris, send runners if you think there is ANY chance.

“IF the throw is off-line by a foot… IF the catcher drops it… a good guy scores in a cloud of dust. 40,000 Cardinal fans go screaming nuts.

“Oh Chris, if a couple of runners DO get thrown out by at least two steps, your dumb ass is grass and Mozeliak will be the lawn mower.

“But don’t worry. We will ‘reassign you within the organization.’ Take one for the team, Chris.”

Something to consider; or maybe Baseball Lifer Chris Maloney simply forgot thirty years of baseball in the past month. What do I know; I’m just a wise guy on a website.

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