You and Me and SEO

June12/ 2017

You and Me and SEO… SEO ??? Huh?  It is not another obscure Baseball sabermetric like OPS… WHIP… WAR… etc.

There is NO measurable element within MLB that does not have it’s very own acronym. “How many ground balls to the right of 2nd base in night games played on Thursdays”… Aaaiiiee!

YES, announcers do “just make that crap up”. Like they make up knowing whether a 98 mph pitch was a “two-seamer” or a “cutter”.

SEO = Search Engine Optimization.

That is all the rage in the mysterious geeky world of websites. If you operate a website, as I have for coming up on 20 FREAKIN’ YEARS, you will average five unsolicited emails/week from Nigerian bankers guaranteeing you that they, and they alone, can drastically improve your SEO score.

The guys that do understand SEO do not use Nigerian bankers as solicitation agents.


SEO / Search Engine Optimization is coding tricks inserted in a website content to get it on the top half of a Google front page on whatever the topic of the day is. Being on the lower half of a Google front page or any subsequent Google page is worthless for attracting new viewers to your site. Top half of Page One or who cares.


There are other “search engines” but Google has become generic in the SEO biz.

My favorite “has it all” subject title – Nekkid Homicidal Lesbian Cheerleaders – has multiple pages.  Scary huh?

The global mega corporation that owns FANSIDED – a/k/a the guys that contracted me to write Cardinals baseball stuff – are THE BEST SEO guys I’ve ever encountered. They measure more obscure elements than MLB does. They have stats that track punctuation and ellipses. I score REALLY HIGH on their ellipses-meter.

Viewers to a site > sellable eyeballs to advertisers > revenue to global mega corporation. How long eyeballs stay on a site > revenue to …. Amount of techno horns and whistles on a site “matter”.

I HATE techno horns & whistles especially AUDIO that comes on when you open a site and you can’t find where to turn it off. I HATE pop-ups too. Everybody hates pop-ups even the geeks that create them.

Hopefully you notice there never have been nor ever will be AUDIO or pop-ups on MY WEBSITE. No need to thank me. I would not have them even if you liked them, which I know you don’t.

Way back when “newspapers” were a credible part of American life (before they became so rotten that fish now refuse to be wrapped in them) there was a daily war between the news dept and the advertising dept. It was like a chicken and a pig arguing over which is more important to breakfast.

Does advertising “support news” or is news simply used to fill space not sold for advertising? The fights in the publishers’ offices were brutal.

Websites are getting to that point. Seminars on “How to make bazillions on the Internet” still sell-out in Holiday Inn meeting rooms across the country. The Nekkid Homicidal Lesbian Cheerleaders model always works but no one will admit it.

I have never been obsessed with view #s here. I realized 16-17 years ago that major college sports was a lost cause. It had reached such a level of toxic corruption I could not save it. I might as well campaign against doughnuts and cupcakes being unhealthy for as much good as it did.

So I wrote off “board monkeys” as a potential market. I also wrote off Homicidal Lesbians although a few of them still lurk. You know who you are and so do I.

If I was after Views Views Views I would cover “recruiting” and the hourly “they saids” of semi-Eyesliterate 18 y/os… every night I would dose my keyboard in bleach and lie to “Kid” that her Dad was “saving whales” or some such. YUCK!

Instead I concentrate on “See, I told you so…” columns and the occasional “Dean Smith Is NOT a God” just to tease the board monkeys.

My first month with “the Cardinals thing” has been very interesting to say the least. There is a significant difference between a pro sports fan base and a college sports fan base. VERY different and worthy of its own column… soon.

YES I am developing a following, not unlike “you people” in general demographics. I have not stumbled on “a Kennel” yet but I have found a Mid-America version of NCSU68. People is people is people… wherever you go… there they are.

Cardinals Nation is in the midst of a Manager / General Manager Death Watch. That is the pro equivalent of a Head Coach / AD Death Watch,,, just as silly. No one has mentioned Rick Barnes yet nor referred to The Cardinals as “a sleeping giant”.

The Cardinals recent seven game L-streak had a few angry loonies teetering on the top of The Arch threatening a swan dive into The Mississippi unless a certain middle reliever was run over by the team bus.

So much for the perception that St. Louis fans are “different”. People is people is people…

There are several of my recent Cardinals columns that cover human foolishness that you will find interesting whether you know a “two-seamer” from “a cutter”… or care.


Monday – June 12…. We are all one day closer to UNCCH’s TGU entering the dreaded “Go To Court” stage which will, alas, outlive 30% of those reading this including yours truly.


PS:  I was “over there” last Thursday.  The #1 topic was “DAVIDSON… We lost to DAVIDSON!” which was quickly followed by “but at least State lost too…”  That Davidson’s total Baseball budget is less than half of Mike Fox’s salary was noted to much tongue clucking…


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