Slumpbusting… Matt Carpenter style

Matt Carpenter
June08/ 2017

If you watched last night’s “latest late-inning loss” by our St. Louis Cardinals to the Redlegs, surely you saw it. How could you not? I screamed at my flat-screen “Yes Matt Yes!” Matt Carpenter was doing something to bust his season-long slump. Last night Matt switched from “knickers” to long pants.

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Try saying “latest late-inning loss” three times while eating saltine crackers.… If our St. Louis Cardinals are going to return to playing George Kissell baseball, we need Matt Carpenter to BE Matt Carpenter. Maybe it is “the pants”.

Last night in “the friendly confines” of The Great American Ballpark, Matt Carpenter went 1-4. That is .250 which is about 50 points above Matt’s 2017 average. If “long pants” are worth 50 Matt Carpenterpoints, imagine what “trimming his beard” or “wearing batting gloves” might be worth?

Matt Carpenter is one of three veteran “team leaders” for our Cardinals along with Yadier Molina and Adam Wainwright. We need Matt leading by example on the field and in the clubhouse if we have any chance of playing in October.

NOTE: Last year, we were a Four Matt team. Now just Two Matts – Carpenter and Bowman.
“Not As Big City” Matt Adams was traded to Atlanta for a thimble-full of Scarlett O’Hara’s bathwater and some kid in A-ball named “Who”… “The other Matt” Holliday is now in the Bronx spotting bench presses for Aaron Judge.

We are now a two Matt/one Aledmys team. Yet still only two games off the top of the NL Central.

Matt (Carpenter) switching to “long pants” last night is a big deal. He had been a “long pants” guy the past several years. WHY did he “go knickers?” What goes into that decision? I don’t know, do you?

MLB is the only pro sports league that permits individual choice in uniform. If Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis was still MLB Commissioner would he approve? Imagine LeBron James coming out in a speedo against the Warriors.

Earlier this season another team cog tried “slumpbusting.” Have you forgotten Carlos’ hair extensions? Believe me, I’ve tried (to forget them). I pictured Mike Matheny scouring the MLBPA handbook on that one.

Carlos Martinez ditched the goofy extensions immediately becoming the St. Louis Cardinals primo starter.

It took me multi-decades to get used to “the softball pants.” I finally did. Now there is a move back to “knickers” all across MLB. I don’t have the #s but an eye-ball test says there are more “knickers” these days.

With Matt Carpenter there are so many peculiarities he could try if the pants don’t break his slump. Trim the beard… remove the beard… use two gloves… one glove… stop that practice swing thingy where he holds the bat in the middle… stop the rock-back thingy.

I’m just glad Matt Carpenter is trying something… anything. Our St. Louis Cardinals need Matt Carpenter hitting .280.


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