Who ARE Those Guys …. who actually watch ESPN daytime programming???
It was a classic line from a classic movie…. uttered by Butch Cassidy to the Sundance Kid referring to the persistent posse chasing them. The posse was led by Pinkerton agent Lord Baltimore. It’s a good line with many applications.
Today we apply it to a story that just won’t go away – Why ESPN is cutting off its nose to spite it’s ever-dwindling “bottom line”. Not only is all of sports media ablaze with the story; but the news and entertainment “blow-dried wretches” can’t get enough of it either.
ESPN’s aggressive “left-wing bias” may be the most fun to debate but it is a secondary contributor to its fiscal woes. The same can be said for “newspapers” in general. That 98% of failing “mainstream” (??) print media openly despises “the current administration and the 50% +/- of the country that support it” IS a factor in their growing irrelevance and fiscal peril, but not as much so as the socio-techno sea change in Information Distribution.
If ESPN CEO Skipper (UNC’75) jettisoned his “hit squad” of 6-8 SJWs (self-righteous Social Justice Warriors) the effects would be minimal at best to solving its vanishing viewership. With that as a premise….
Who Are Those Guys…. who actually do watch ESPN daytime programming?
Remember our trusted catch phrase: “All major college sports programs are corrupt EXCEPT OURS … All politicians are crooked EXCEPT THE ONES I VOTE FOR”.
Let’s add a PS to that – All Sports Fans are mouth-breathing cretins waiting on hold to get on Paul Finebaum Show EXCEPT ME AND MY BUDDIES. …… yeah…. Riiiiight!
Since the earliest days of this website coming up on TWENTY YEARS (YIKES!) one constant has been our alerting you to that abberant species known as “BoardMonkeys”. I’ll never forget one late December in our 3td or 4th year…. I had been beating the Beware of Board Monkeys drum pretty aggressively. My entreaties aroused the curiosity of one loyal reader – a highly respected practitioner of the medical arts – to the point he actually visited a sports fan message board of the fan base for his college program of choice.
“Oh My God…. WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE?” he frantically emailed me. He went on to report that he had perused that fan site for 30 minutes and became so concerned about the fate of humankind that he feared the apocalypse was upon us. He became a permanent member of BLSays Board of Advisor Buddies. Together we monitor the arrival of “raining frogs” and “rivers of blood” as sports board monkeys have become the Walking Dead among us.
Board Monkeys get their daily marching orders from ESPN Mon-Fri day time programming. To be fair…. FoxSportsOne, ESPN’s only rival, is simply where Old ESPNers go when they fall out of favor with TeamSkipper. The various other “sports networks” are insignificant. The programming is inter-changeable.
Remember the TV show Mod Squad from the early 70s? It’s catch phrase – One White… One Black… One Blond” has become the formula for daytime sports programming. Get a snarky white dude…. A jive-talking urban (i.e, Black) hipster (preferably an ex-jock)…. and put an “Eye Candy” Fantasy Chick between them. For 10-12 hours/day have them beat dead horses such as Tim Tebow – Colin Kaepernick – Harden vs Westbrook for NBA MVP – et al infinitum
It is Jerry Springer Does Sports. If you can watch more than 30 minutes without your frontal lobe literally melting and leaking out of your ears…. You may have been born without a frontal lobe in the way some are born without tonsils or wisdom teeth.
I admit to watching “about an hour” of daytime sports TV other than when doing research for this column. I will turn to MLB.tv to get a recap of the previous day’s major league baseball goings on. MLB uses “beat reporters” / ex ballplayers / and “Eye Candy” too. I prefer to think the level of discussion is aimed several grade levels higher than ESPN / FSOne but you may disagree. Even so, “about an hour” is my limit.
To be fair…. These 24 hour sports channels have to have “something” on all-the-time. I have no suggestions to replace the current vapid options. There is obviously some demographic “out there” that this programming appeals to. I am grateful that my life orbit does not have any tangential contact whatsoever with “those guys” ….. whoever they may be.
BTW…. “My Cardinals” have gone from 2nd worst record in MLB in mid-April to “alone atop The NL Central Division” having just spanked The World Champions Cubs two out of three before capacity crowds in hallowed Busch Stadium. But, alas, “my Cards” are not without their liabilities. Newly acquired middle-reliever Brett Cecil has earned the nickname “Two Run Cecil”. If he gives up less than two runs in his one inning trainwreck appearances, the Birds’ bats can usually overcome his gopher balls. …. My boyhood idol Harper Cooper would still be in the big leagues at 75 hitting Brett Cecil.
Cecil Appearances notwithstanding, I continue to totally enjoy “watching baseball” without the daily W-Ls adversely affecting my life up or down.
Conversely…. I have NOT watched more than five minutes total of “The NBA” this season including The Playoffs. I am confident I can maintain this pace. Again…. my personal preference not suggesting it should be yours. I am not “boycotting” or “making a statement”. Simply exercising my available options.
Speaking of Outrageous Sports News…. Surely you have heard that one of UNCCH’s Power Five Commissioner Twins – Jim Delany – Hit The Jackpot this week. Johnny Swofford’s classmate at UNC in the late 60s and Big Ten Commish since 1989…. Delany “earned” a $20,000,000 “bonus” this week. That makes his annual $2.5M salary seem paltry by comparison.
Am I the only one to make the comparison of Delany’s $20M bonus to the +/- $20M that his alma mater has spent so far defending / covering up its Greatest Eligibility Scandal in NCAA History. When/If all is ever said/done UNCCH’s total should far surpass Delany’s windfall.
I wonder if Jim Delany is, like me, often derided for being “a friend of Art Chansky”?
Some of you may have received a “hacked” email NOT “from me” a day or so ago. These things are unavoidable in today’s computer world. (1) I NEVER send anything with No Subject Line plus…. (2) I NEVER would send a link without some specific explanation of why I am sending it.
AND: ALWAYS check the FROM e-address if it seems suspicious. If any doubt – DELETE!