The Money Line was: “…. wearing a North Face jacket, khakis, loafers…. and shackles”
Here’s a story I am 100% certain you missed. Luckily for you, I didn’t. It occurred “in the shadow of The Arch”. It is not about “my Cardinals” version of The Great Unpleasantness. More about Scandal de Cardinals later on.
This one involves my good buddy and Most Favoritest Provost in all the World – Holden Thorp, and the on-going adventures at Hogwarts a/k/a Washington University a/k/a “WashU” in St Louis. Not to be confused with The University of Washington a/k/a “U Dub” which is actually in Washington. Are you still tracking?
When we last visited Holden The Provost about a month ago he was disciplining his Boys’ (Men?) Soccer team for their vain attempt to be “a Midwest Ivy”. This year’s in-thing in the Real Ivy League is/was for Boys’ (Mens?) non-revenue sports team, which in “The Ivies” is pretty much any sports teams, to create on-line discussion of their school’s Girls’ (Women?) sports teams based on various aspects of their individual and collective sexuality. I’m not sure what that means. Scenes from the movie “Porky’s” come to mind.
As with pretty much everything in today’s society, no one (but me apparently) seems to understand what happens when the SEND key is tapped on a keyboard. Think Young Marvin Austin… or gazillions of others who have had their lives and reputations changed with that SEND tap. …. Sigh.
Several Ivy League schools were dealing with this “issue” as it became a “we can do it too” sorta fad. So WashU’s boys’ soccer team figured why not us too. Indeed…. Why not? It landed on Provost Thorp’s desk and he quickly explained “why not” and abruptly ended the WashU Boys Soccer Team season. …. Thinking as he did so “I came here to Hogwarts In The Shadow of The Arch to get away from Stoopid Sports Crap”…. Sigh.
Soooo earlier this week one Mr. Justin X. Carroll appeared before a judge in St Louis for ….. oops, lets back up a bit.
Justin X Carroll was, until recently, Dean of Students / Interim Athletics Director at WashU. “Recently” coincided with FBI agents seizing Justin X.’s computer and revealing that this longtime (36 years) WashU faculty stalwart was actively dealing in on-line “kiddie porn”… and not just once / twice. Justin X operated under the on-line nom de plume of “MOperv”…
NOTE: Justin X. Carroll’s uncanny resemblance to Joe Biden is probably just a coincidence; but I feel obligated to note it.
There has been no evidence of Justin X. Carroll doing anything beyond on-line voyeurism… nothing untoward involving WashU students or children in the community…. Simply a predilection to “looking at and distributing “dirty pictures” of pre-pubescent boys”. But “simply” is way more than allowable even as our overall societal mores spiral down the toilet.
Justin X. Carroll immediately “retired” from WashU back in December just after the afore-mentioned raid by the FBI…. Not unlike assorted miscreants at UNCCH “abruptly retired” as their malfeasances and “a bright light” met. Got to protect that cushy pension at all costs, don’t cha know.
Carroll, 67, of the 900 block of North and South Road, appeared before a federal judge Monday morning wearing a North Face jacket, khakis and loafers, and shackled at the ankles and wrists.
Why was Justin X.’s (a/k/a MOperv) attire relevant? Who knows? The true test of “a Money Line” is does it survive if other elements of the story are removed.
In this case it (1) takes place in a city I kind of follow…. and (2) indirectly involves a friend of mine. But take out Holden Thorp and St Louis and “…. appeared wearing a North Face jacket, khakis, loafers and shackles…” is still funny as Hell.
That MOperv’s middle initial is “X” is a Money Line element. Very subtle but necessary.
Identifying the specific brand of the jacket was seemingly extraneous, but added just the totally useless detail to sell the line.
Are North Face jackets some sort of identifying uniform that “kiddie porn” purveyors wear to ID one another at airports, malls and Chucky Cheeses?
I reminded Provost Thorp of that while still being sympathetic to the reality that the lascivious actions of a professional associate of his has caused considerable embarrassment to their respected institution.
NOTE: Before any Holier Than Thous think I’m soft on kiddie porn pervs…. I think Justin X. Carroll should be castrated with rusty hedge-clippers… skinned alive… and suspended upside down from the top of The Arch for a fortnight to be devoured by various birds of prey. So there.
I reminded “my Favorite Provost” – as I often do with all of you – Life IS All About Column Fodder, Show Prep…. and Money Lines.
When Provost Thorp writes the definitive book What The Heck Does A Provost Do, he now has another chapter.
As I read “appeared before the judge wearing a North Face jacket, khakis, loafers…. and shackles.” My immediate thought was:
Damn, I wish I had thought of that ….
As America braces for all-out Civil War….