WWPWD: What Would Peahead Walker Do
This is BobLee’s First Column on “WakeyLeaks”…. a/k/a What happened at Wake Forest. I say “First Column” because this just screams “But Wait… There’s More”.
Invoking the legendary Wake Forest Football Coach “Peahead” Walker just seems appropriate here. Pretty much every “funny story” or coaching cliché you’ve ever heard was first said by “Peahead” Walker. “Peahead” would have some doozies about WakeyLeaks. …. meanwhile somewhere Brian Piccolo weeps…. sigh.
For anyone (1) on Neptune the past 36 hours or perhaps too absorbed in (2) who Trump might appoint as Ambassador to Bora Bora… or (3) the newest HB2 at The NCGA (yes, there IS a new HB2… who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?) ….. “WakeyLeaks” is the wonderfully aptly named Scandal Du Week in SwoffordLand.
For those of you not happy with “WakeyLeaks”, just be glad it wasn’t named Wake-Gate or Elrod-Gate or Deacon-gate or any suffixed-gate. If you don’t get the play on words versus “WikkieLeaks”, then you are waaaay too out-of-touch. Go back to cheerleader-porn or wherever you while away your Life.
As your resident Internet Legend, you can assume correctly that I was notified about “all this” around 5:15 PM on Tuesday by my #1 ACC Insider Guy (#1AIG). #1AIG lives in “Camel City” a/k/a Winston-Salem and KNOWS EVERYTHING worth knowing over yonder from Richard Burr’s shoe size to the secret recipe for Texas Pete.
Texas Pete…. Did you know that when the Garner family of Winston-Salem created their world-famous hot sauce in the 1930s, they almost named it “Mexican Joe”? Now you do… know that.
Does my #1AIG know the now QUITE infamous Tommy Elrod? Well sure he does. He would not be my #1AIG if he didn’t. Between 5:15 and 5:25 Tuesday he was telling me more Elrod anecdotes than I could digest. I wish I had been paying attention.
My mind works funny. When JFK was shot in Nov 1963 one of my first thoughts even as a youngster was “what does this mean for Vaughn Meader?” In 1963 Meader was a comedian making a killing (oops, bad choice of words) with his First Family Album lampooning The Kennedys.
….. as I digested WakeyLeaks one of my first thoughts was “will “to Elrod” become a verb like “to Nifong”…. As in the Notorious Mikey Nifong of Duke Lacrosse Scandal infamy. And, assuming it will indeed “become a verb”…. How quickly will it?
OK…. I’m losing some of you. Tommy Elrod – a former Wake Forest football player / football assistant coach – has apparently been providing super secret game plan information to Wake’s opponents since 2014.
Am I the only one to compare “stealing Wake Forest Football game plans” to Nixon’s obsession with George McGovern’s campaign strategy ??? Why ????
Thus far, the consensus is Tommy was pissed that current Wake Forest Head Football Coach “Dave Who From Where” did not retain him from Jim Grobe’s staff when he (“DaveWho”) took over in 2014. He (Tommy) decided to sabotage Wake Football to “get even” despite the fact that Wake AD Ron Wellman had created two new jobs just for Tommy. One as a radio analyst for their football game broadcasts and another as an administrator in some donor gift laundering thingy. No good deed goes unpunished. Right Ron?
Wait a minute BobLee. We thought NC State’s FB coach was “Dave Who From Where”? He is…. Wake Forest has their own “Dave Who From Where”. Their “Dave Who” is Dave Clawson and his “From Where” was Bowling Green.
Bowling Green is one of those innocuous schools you hear about but don’t really know where it is. “It is” in Ohio about 40 miles south of Toledo (where M*A*S*h’s Corporal Max Klinger was from).
Did you know that UNCCH got their fight song Aye Zigga Zoomba from Bowling Green State University? Now you do.
So Tommy Elrod (who until around 5:00 PM on Tuesday was “one of the absolutely nicest guys you’d ever wanna meet”…. as they say about every mass murderer in history) decided to peddle Demon Deacon football secrets in some warped “get even” plot against them that short-circuited his college coaching career.
If this has already been filed in your “So, this is a BFD why” file, congratulations on having a semblance of a life.
We don’t know to whom and how many whoms Tommy Elrod “leaked” sensitive game plans to over the past three years. We do know WFU won three games in 2014…. Three games in 2015…. And ballooned to six Ws this past season. What effect Tommy Elrod’s skullduggery had in those outcomes is “yet unknown”.
The first clue that Tommy WAS doing this was when Louisville’s notorious Bobby Petrino said he was not about a month ago. In his 55 years, Bobby Petrino has never be caught telling the Truth even once. If so there is no record of him doing so. As the poster boy for Serial Bad Boy of Football Coaches, as soon as Bobby said he did not get the purloined plans you knew he did. It’s that old line you knew Bobby was lying because you saw Bobby’s lips move.
Now Bobby’s partner-in-nefariousness Louisville notorious AD Tom Jurich has sorta “gone Bart Simpson”….
Yeah, we got’em (the plans) but we didn’t use’em and even if we did who cares… and No, I won’t fire Petrino or (Rick) Patino regardless of how much stoopid illegal crap either of’em do and you can’t make me…. Naaay naaay nay. So there.
If Tom Jurich is not the living breathing personification of every hypocritically odious evil in Big Time College Sports then whoever it is cheated and stole that title from Tom Jurich. What a creep! Come on Papa John. Flush these arrogant thugs.
WakeyLeaks would not be nearly as juicy a mess without Bobby Petrino and Tom Jurich in the middle of it.
I don’t see any of this as Little Wake Forest’s fault. Any school could have a pissed-off Tommy Elrod buried in it somewhere. Nothing that AD Ron Wellman or even Wake’s radical uber-liberal of a President Nathan Hatch did created WakeyLeaks.
Speaking of radical uber-liberal Nathan Hatch…. You may recall I used to have close connections over at WFU. Blondie and I were invited to their Super Fat Cat Suite every year and enjoyed incredible Deacon hospitality. Then about three years ago I wrote a column about how waaaaay waaaay far radical Left Nathan Hatch has taken little Wake Forest. Per capita, WFU may be as radically left-wing as any academic rats’ nest in America. I haven’t been invited back since then. I still treasure my former friends over there but ….. oh well.
Stage Two of WakeyLeaks will be board monkeys of other area schools going bat-**** crazy trying to link hated rival programs to WakeyLeaks. Nobody really cares about Wake Forest or Wake Forest Football. But if somehow Larry Fedora or State’s Dave Who or Dabo or Donald Trump or a certain much-hated ACC Commissioner can be linked into it…. THEN it gets YEEE-HA crazy. Spec Ops units from various board monkey gangs are at work as we speak….
I’ll never forget that Mikey Nifong’s wife never took his name. She was on some feminist trip from the 70s. So when “Nifong” became a YIKES word around Derm, she was still able to show her face and cash checks around town.
I wonder if Tommy Elrod’s wife goes by Mrs. Elrod? For her sake, lets hope not…..
There WILL “Be More” …..
LOTS of interest in our recent You’ve Got Mail columns. The over-arching lesson for all of us is how really really really silly we look when we “they are ALL ABUNCHA _______” any group of humans we don’t like. Be it politics, sports or assorted ethnic / religious / whatever. You all know my line: “The worst of them is all of them ….. the best of us is all of us.” Please don’t be that stoopid.
For those wondering is there MORE You’ve Got Mail on its way?? You betcha. I heard from Alex Thurs morning. Her emotional state is approaching Totally Unhinged…. I must tread softly.